SIL getting upset over something I said to my DOG

[Poitoi]

I recently spent a day with SIL, brother and their wedding planner. I am best woman and have quite a lot of responsibilities. It was intense but productive - we actually had a laugh.

Anyway, we went to my parents’ house after the day of planning. Here SIL heard me fussing over my dog who I hadn’t seen at all that day. At some point I said something along the lines of “Oh I missed you. A day without you is a day wasted in my book” to my dog. Obviously over the top and non-serious, I was just being silly with my dog.

Brother has since told me that SIL was really offended by this comment and is hurt. I just find that ridiculous. I told SIL on the way to my parents I had had a lovely time. I think dog people will see I was just being ott. My dog was being all snuggly and excited to see me so I just played into it.

AIBU?

I speak to my cat all the time as if she were a human-I’m perfectly aware she doesn’t understand the words but I can assure you, they’re meant for her ears not other people’s! So I believe the OP saying daft things to her dog. The SIL sounds as if she looks to find offence.

I think telling him you missed him was enough

Realise not your intention but Sil is hurt, your brother has brought this to your attention so i would make an effort to let them know you didnt mean it Reassure her you had a lovely day, are delighted to be included in wedding and planning and dog remark was a joke and you never meant to insult her.

Sil needs to get a dog

You have done nothing wrong. Not everything is about someone else.
If your brother brings it up again, gently explain to him that not everything you think and say is about your sister in law. Does she treat every scenario this way, she sounds exhausting.

Totally over sensitive in my view. This is the sort of nonsense I say to my dogs all the time. It is utterly ridiculous to take people's conversations with their dogs seriously.

That’s silly. She said it in front of sil. It was bad mannered.

Just apologise and start thinking about what you say out loud.

I can see how that would come across as passive-aggressive to people who don’t have pets.

As a cat owner, I understand the sentiment.

I always tell my feline tyrants that I’ve missed them - even if I’ve been to the supermarket. And in the most excited, high-pitched voice.

And yes, I much rather be home with my cats than doing anything else.

Keep telling your dog you miss them and love them because they aren’t with us for very long.

Your comment came across as highly passive aggressive..

Of course it's offensive to describe a day spent with someone as 'wasted'. Doesn't matter whether you're talking to the dog or not. Its an odd and specific way to do the OTT I missed you thing (which I get) as mostly you don't do it by being negative about the thing you did instead.

A day without my cat is genuinely a day wasted in my eyes. I'd rather be with the cat and the pet spider than with anyone. Genuinely. Maybe besides my partner... But he's here with us all too much of the time!

But I'd never say that in front of someone else, after spending the day with them (for their wedding no less!) ... It's rude and hurtful. You just called the day you spent with them wasted. Doesn't matter if you were talking to the dog, your SIL heard you. It's rude. They don't need to hear it.

Some things are best kept as thoughts... or PRIVATE conversations between you and doggo.

No she doesn’t. She was calling out rudeness.

If a friend had just cooked you a meal would you say to your dog oh your treat smells much nicer than anything I’ve eaten today, in front of the person? A silly example maybe but would you not think that rude?

This is what you should say to SIL to be, while saying you genuinely had a fab time and can’t wait for the big day!

I say dramatic stuff all the time! (Especially to my pets!)

Remember, offence is TAKEN, not given 😋

Also, I will DIE if anyone disagrees with me on this post!!

I think that was really insensitive of you actually.

Apologise to her. I have a relation who gushes that her animals are the most important men in her life. Her partner can sometimes look very down when she says that.

Of course she took it personally. It's a stressful and important time for her and the comment hurt.

Say you were being soppy, you're sorry you offended her (NOT 'sorry that you were offended') with a thoughtless comment, and that you absolutely didn't mean it about her day.

I think you just need to speak to your SIL , OP

explain that you talk utter shite to your dog on the regular. Help her see that it’s not a reflection on her and the time you spent together.

Even when someone is in earshot and could be deemed rude?

OP Say what you like to your dog but some awareness would not go amiss.

I can’t say I’m surprised at the lack of awareness regarding manners from people though.

SIL needs to get a grip of her wedding nerves and come back down to planet earth 🤦‍♀️

This!

What an odd thing to say .

How does that even work?

If I say 'you sound dim' I am intending to give offence. So you are saying that's completely fine, you just let it bounce off you and not 'take offence'?

Silly Billy

Or OP needs to learn some manners.

No, not at all, but saying "you are dim" is intentional... If I'm talking to an animal, and someone decides to take offence that it completely outside my control 🤷🏻‍♀️ if there was no malice intended, you weren't even thinking of anyone else, then in that case, offence is taken, not given. I was talking about this particular scenario