SIL getting upset over something I said to my DOG

[Poitoi]

I recently spent a day with SIL, brother and their wedding planner. I am best woman and have quite a lot of responsibilities. It was intense but productive - we actually had a laugh.

Anyway, we went to my parents’ house after the day of planning. Here SIL heard me fussing over my dog who I hadn’t seen at all that day. At some point I said something along the lines of “Oh I missed you. A day without you is a day wasted in my book” to my dog. Obviously over the top and non-serious, I was just being silly with my dog.

Brother has since told me that SIL was really offended by this comment and is hurt. I just find that ridiculous. I told SIL on the way to my parents I had had a lovely time. I think dog people will see I was just being ott. My dog was being all snuggly and excited to see me so I just played into it.

AIBU?

SIL felt differently and heard what you said differently

Can you not understand that?

YANBU to think that, but YABU to say it in the presence of the person you've just "wasted" the day on.

@SeamsLegit it's still possibly to unintentionally give offence, and people should have awareness of the impact of words that can be heard by others.

If I have a weekend guest and at the end of that weekend as she is packing, I sit there cuddling my cat in ear shot saying 'you are so much better company than people' then obviously I'm giving offence, intentionally or otherwise.

Just what I was going to say. Bit insensitive about their wedding - maybe she felt you didn't really want to be there ....

You know what I suspect you were being passive aggressive, it’s just too odd otherwise. I think the coming to mumsnet for support is just part of the act.

Balderdash

Sounds a perfectly reasonable thing to say to the dog. I absolutely adore mine hahaha!!

I'm so utterly lost. I cannot see AT ALL how your comment was negative to your SIL.

You didn't say the comment to your SIL, you said it in affection and humour to your dog.

Some people need to get a grip.

My youngest cat has the very important job of waking me up in the morning to provide breakfast for him and the other two older cats.

I greet him by saying 'Good morning, light of my life and joy of my existence!'

Now, get this: not only is my OH in bed beside me, but the other cats are in hearing distance. What an arsehole I am.

THIS THREAD IS MENTAL AND SO IS THE SIL. THE OP WAS TALKING TO HER BLOODY DOG, FFS.

To me it’s the equivalent of taking offence if a parent said their child was the most beautiful thing in the world in front of you. Humph so that means i’’m not the most beautifulI thing 😭?? I’m ugly?

I am emotionally secure enough not to internalise situations which have nothing to do with me.

I’m always intrigued by those who come to MN asking for opinions, get them and declare them invalid in one way or another. You told your story and lots of people pointed out, that as they saw it you very deliberately tried to make someone else feel bad. Who knows why. What did you expect?

I can see why she might initially have been upset by your comment but presumably once you explained you were just being silly and OTT and that you had genuinely had a lovely day she must have accepted that surely?! I hope so anyway. Would be a shame for relationships to sour over a misunderstanding

OP, I do think SIL is being ridiculous but I also don't think it'd hurt to reach out and say that your comment was nothing to do with her or your day together, just standard overblown affection towards your dog (but ask her not to tell the dog that). There's no need to apologize but it wouldn't hurt to straighten it out with her.

It’s not like that at all, you admitted (to a fucking dog) that you would rather of been home all day than with your SIL. You were rude and spiteful and should apologise.

Why the hell ask opinions if you believe you’re right and pretty much everybody on this thread is wrong?

Its more akin to a parent saying to their child "You're the most beautiful thing in the world. So much nicer to be looking at you after spending the day looking at Poitoi" It's not the nice thing to the child or dog thats the issue. It's the completely unnecessary negative comparison that makes it rude.

It's not the equivalent of that at all.

If you're going to bring children into it as a comparison, it's the equivalent of saying to a baby "a day without you is a day wasted" in front of the people you just spent the day with. Which I'd consider equally thoughtless as making the comment to your dog.

Even if you didn't mean it that way, I can easily see how it could come across as passive aggressive.

No, it’s not the same thing.

Maybe she should uninvite her to said wedding … so not to waste her day! I guess the wedding won’t include the dog.

I have a dog and I wouldn’t say this … it’s rude whether you have pets or not.

Sis in law needs to get a grip, maybe realise not everything is about her!

I came home from shopping today and got a hysterically happy welcome from DDog. I apologised out loud for leaving her with DD, who obviously had spent the time I was out of the house torturing the poor dog because DDog was so happy to see me.

Of course DD and DDog had spent a lovely time snuggled up while I was gone.

Of course DD wasn't 'offended' by my 'accusation' of dog abuse. We shared a laugh about DDog being melodramatic (DDog gets just as excited about DD coming home from school).

Well you asked
AIBU and a lot of people said yes
You've responded lots of times with
'But I didn't mean it, it was playful'
'It was to a dog, I was matching the dogs mood, I do it all the time'

How well does SIL know you? Would she know that's what your personality is like?

I'd think it was rude and insensitive and you DID ask AIBU so yes you were

You were rude!

I am emotionally secure enough not to internalise situations which have nothing to do with me.

But apparently not emotionally mature enough to acknowledge when you've accidentally said something hurtful to someone and just say sorry rather than continue to insist their feelings are just ridiculous.

This isn't that far off from the ultimate test of whether someone who says something hurtful in a joking manner is being a bullying arse or honestly thought the person would find it funny... the best tell is how they act when they're told how their "joke" was received. When we care about someone's feelings we feel bad for hurting them unintentionally and try to make amends.

🤣🤣 do you know what reading the post back ‘we stopped off at my parents house and I was fussing my dog.’ I actually wonder if it’s her parents dog and not even her dog 🥴 imagine causing this much upset over a fucking dog 😂 OP is deluded, I hope she’s uninvited to the wedding.