SIL getting upset over something I said to my DOG

[Poitoi]

I recently spent a day with SIL, brother and their wedding planner. I am best woman and have quite a lot of responsibilities. It was intense but productive - we actually had a laugh.

Anyway, we went to my parents’ house after the day of planning. Here SIL heard me fussing over my dog who I hadn’t seen at all that day. At some point I said something along the lines of “Oh I missed you. A day without you is a day wasted in my book” to my dog. Obviously over the top and non-serious, I was just being silly with my dog.

Brother has since told me that SIL was really offended by this comment and is hurt. I just find that ridiculous. I told SIL on the way to my parents I had had a lovely time. I think dog people will see I was just being ott. My dog was being all snuggly and excited to see me so I just played into it.

AIBU?

It is such an oddly specific phrase that if you had no context for it I can see why it would sound pointed.

Oh come on, that is such a weird thing to say unless you actually meant it as a dig.

Feigned innocence.

I say to my dog his the love of my life all the time in front of my partner. Maybe his secure enough to know this is obviously a silly joke, it’s taken to my 30’s that people are so much more sensitive that I could even comprehend. **

You were being silly with your dog and not thinking of how your words would sound to the only ones there who could actually understand you. It wasn’t malice, it was just a bit oblivious or careless. It happens, but yes you should apologize. Not a non-apology (i.e. I’m sorry your feelings were hurt”) or a rebuttal (“I was just joking”) but also not some admission of ill intent or whatever. Just say a simple sorry for what you did (or didn’t do in this case). “Ah, I’m sorry [SIL]. I was just being silly with [dog] because she was being so dramatic and really I wasn’t thinking about how that might sound. I honestly had a great day with you.”

It’s the verbal equivalent of bumping into someone in a crowded shop - you didn’t do it on purpose but you still say sorry for being a bit oblivious in the moment. When you don’t apologize for those unintentional hurts it tends to make people question whether perhaps you don’t give an eff or maybe even meant to do it.

You’ve riled yourself up for some reason over this thread, perhaps you’re having a bad day, but you can’t abuse posters like this.

If I was your SIL, I would be a little hurt. It is a pretty rude thing to say. I wouldn’t say it to my children in front of someone I had spent the day with, and at least my children would have the benefit of understanding it.

This thread is insane.

🤣🤣🤣

But at least you’re here now to make a worthwhile contribution ey?

this...
Just apologise. Accept that she is hurt and empathise.

Ah OP, from your thread title I honestly thought you were going to say you’d been mean to your dog and your SIL told you off! 😂

Very happy to hear you’ve just been OTT soppy.

My DP regularly tells the dog all kind of ridiculous things, including that he prefers him to the DC (which they know isn’t true and just roll their eyes/laugh/point out that the dog doesn’t actually like DP that much in return 😂).

I can’t imagine anyone taking your comment seriously in our household. We’re all bonkers about our dog and he gets told all kinds of ridiculously soppy things 🤷‍♀️😂

I don’t think you’ve said anything wrong on this thread either.

But as your SIL has taken it personally I’d absolutely drop her a text underlining what a lovely day you had and just explaining you always talk to the dog like that and say silly things. No point causing upset when you didn’t mean to or it costs nothing to be kind to people you live (even when they are being a bit daft 😂 ).

I have never heard that saying before so I would think from hearing you say that you hadn't had a nice day. I think it's natural for your SIL to be upset and I would apologise and explain.

I would have felt a bit hurt by that. Definitely thoughtless.

I thought that personal attacks were against Mumsnet posting guidelines. You can disagree with this poster but this is downright rude.

Brilliantly put!
This sums up the situation perfectly.
You need to apologise OP.

I chat rubbish with my dog too, but is have been hurt by your comment to your dog in those specific circumstances.

You don't seem to be willing to consider your SIL's perspective. If I heard someone describe a day spent with me - especially a day that was out of the ordinary and a bit special and organised by me - as a wasted day, I think I'd be pretty upset. Regardless of who they said it to.

The fact that you said it to a dog isn't particularly relevant IMO. Except that we all know some people do so the talking passive aggressively to their pets or babies thing. And there was no need to use those words at all with the dog as it would have had the same reaction to "purple monkey dishwasher" said in the same tone, you chose those words and it's reasonable for SIL to think you chose them for a reason.

I don't know why you would say that in earshot of the people you've spent the day with. 😑

I wouldn't bother sending your SiL a text about what you said to your dog (or if you do, send her the image about the dark chocolate to drive home the point that it wasn't about the way that you spent the day with her but that you missed your dog so by the time you got home again you said that any day of the week that he's not in your life is a day wasted which shows that you really enjoy and love your dog). If you were to have said the same thing to a bar of Dairy Milk saying "A day without you, is like a day wasted", it's not saying that the day was wasted.

She is picking up on the wrong sentiment in what you said. My advice would be to actually ignore it and your brother was wrong to have passed the information along to you. He should have said to his fiance that you enjoyed spending the time with his future wife and you were happy to see your dog again. End the story there.

Because when you are talking to your dog you aren't checking its content with your potential audience.

Because it does not, like, apply to them.

HTH

Passive aggressive and mean.
The OP has already described the day as 'intense', which is a loaded word, she 'gave up her Saturday' which suggests reluctance, and used the term 'main character syndrome' to describe her SIL.
Whether you were deliberately being a bitch or not, if I'd 'inadvertently' (which I don't believe for a second) upset my SIL, who OP claims she likes, why wouldn't you feel bad she's upset and apologise, even if you think she's being silly? Because a cow of a person would keep insisting they're right, like you are doing.

You have been tag-teaming with @Greyish2025 to be as rude and insulting to the OP and @YeOldeGreyhoundas possible. One of Greyish2025's reponses to YeOldeGreyhoud said:

'Oh don’t be ridiculous, there is a reason people like you love your dogs so much, you can’t get along with humans, and dogs don’t confront you on your nasty behaviour
I know a very difficult woman, sounds very much like you, she has no friends left as has fallen out with everyone so has now got herself a couple of dogs'

That is clearly a personal attack on a vulnerable poster. You have called OP a bitch which is also against Mumsnet guidelines.

I do think that OP was pretty tactless and thoughtless and she should apologise to her SIL. However, the outrage on this thread is ridiculous and certainly doesn't warrant the vitriol that has been dripping from many posts.

I would ignore your SIL's complaint. Leave her to upset herself with overthinking, you do not need to join in. I say some batshit stuff to my dog in fun.

It would put me off the SIL the way she reacted. Doesn’t bode well for the future

Oh, so now the OP was just quoting good old Charlie? Her dog must be so cultured!

This really made me chuckle. 🤭

The posters not seeing what was wrong with OP's comment as she was 'talking to the dog' are pretty lacking in self-awareness. It was clearly rude and insensitive given the context of the day out and OP's specific comment.