WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

Ah I misunderstood this.

Un this case, I think dd is unreasonable not to text her mum to say 'sorted now all safe'.

But they clearly have a very unhealthy co dependency.

This is bonkers. She’s 21 not 12. Leave the poor woman alone

Are you saying you rang her friend when she didn't answer and are now considering going to the city she is in and staying in a hotel? She will be mortified! Calm down!

The DD didn't phone OP, the OP only knows about it because she rang her DD to check in.

Thays what I thought too but OP had rang her daughter who happened to be separated ad the time (why she rang her on a night out I'm not sure). That said the timing seems too convenient, which makes me wonder if OP was tracking a location.

You need to take a step back OP, she's an adult.

Imagine if the daughter also has tracking on her phone for the OP. She’s in the pub on her 14th cider and thinking about her chippy later, and the notification goes off that her Mum is headed in her direction.

You’d die off at that age.

Heavens, I was living alone in another country at 21. I liked a drink too. She'll be fine. Really.

She could have updated op she was OK after telling her she was lost.

She sounds immature and OP sounds overbearing. Not a great combo

my mother had no idea where I was, who I was with or what I was up to when I was 21, you're far too involved to the extreme, let her live her life

I went on a school trip at 17, in a European capital whereby I only knew the words for ‘yes, no and party’. We all decided to sneak out to the club after drinking silly amount of three euro wine. At 4am I decided to leave the club early. However I couldn’t work out how to get a cab so I walked in the general direction that I thought the hotel was in. My phone died and I realised I had no ideas where I was.

6am I strolled into our dorm and lived to tell the tale. Funny enough my mum never knew what mischief I got up to during uni/early twenties.

Surely it’s a right of passage to loose your mates, find some new ones and all meet up again on the dance floor?

She’s 21. If she had lost her mates for 3 hours and she was crying hysterically on a park bench I’d say go bail her out.

Don’t embarrass the poor girl by ruining their fun.

THIS .....

Talk about a non event...

Sorry, she went the wrong way and left the bar. And between all of them they met up again? YABU.

As long as the Golden Rule of No Matter If You Argue You Stay Together And Look After Each Other is adhered to, they'll be fine.

They might want to rein it in a bit though!

If she has a hotel room in the city where she is, and means to get there, and it feels safe for her, then I would tell her to go there and sleep. Everything else can be decided tomorrow.

What is there to decide?

I'm gobsmacked some mums think like this, and I am one. When I was 21 I was on my year abroad in France completely by myself. I had a great time. My mum still hasn't a clue what I got up to but it involved dancing on tables at 2am.

Presumably you didn't tell your mum you were lost tho. Op has gone too far, granted , but DD could have updated her after she told her she was lost!

But she didn't tell OP she was lost. OP called her to "check in" (why??) and DD said she was on her way back to her mates. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope. You know why? She didn't ring me to "check in" on nights out.

This.

She's 21 !

Why are you "checking in" when she is away with her friends ?

It’s all very odd, the tracking and calling and checking of a 21 year old in a night out

how can she ever grow up like this?

you may need to figure out a way of trying to get to grips with your anxiety. You are clearly a lovely and caring mum but this is not normal?

Stop tracking her, OP.

Remove the ability from your phone so you can’t check up on her. Don’t “check in” on her when she’s out with her friends. Delete her friends’ phone numbers from your phone.

You need to find things to focus on that aren’t the minutia of your adult daughter’s day-to-day life. This isn’t healthy for you or her.

I don't have kids but my friends' kids are all about this age. Some of them have tracking apps (with their kids' knowledge and consent) and some of them don't as their kids absolutely refuse. It's been interesting to observe, as the friends with the apps are way more anxious about their kids than the ones without them.

I do get it though to an extent - at 21 in the very early 90s I buggered off to Mexico for three months. Couldn't speak one word of Spanish other than cerveza. My mum knew the date of my return flight, but I never once called her while I was away. I sent one postcard that never arrived. When I got back to Heathrow, tanned and carefree, I remember thinking my mum looked a bit weird. She later told me how she'd spent three months not knowing if I was alive or dead, and did I not even think to make one brief phone call? I was such an ignoramus - it had literally never occurred to me to call her. I know this seems unfathomably selfish today, but it hadn't. And we had a really good relationship so it wasn't anything to do with that.

The technology wasn't there back then, but if it had been, and if I'd allowed it (I wouldn't have) I'm sure my mum would have tracked me too. Just because she could, and it would have satisfied her that I was still breathing. But it all feels like a false sense of security, because as soon as something unexpected happens the panic sets in. When it's 99.9% likely to be a simple change of plan.

But I also notice it in myself. If I inadvertently go out and forget my phone (v rare) I feel like I'm missing a limb. I feel a slight sense of unease and dread; what if someone needs to contact me urgently, what if I have an accident alone somewhere. It's crazy to think how much our brains have been almost totally rewired in the last 30 years. Or my brain, at least.

DD told her mum she was walking back to her mates. She didn’t say she was unsafe. She didn’t say she was lost. She didn’t say she didn’t know what she was doing or was concerned it wouldn’t work out. She had it in hand. Why would she call her mum back (in the middle of her night out) to tell her that she’d done a normal thing (meeting up with people she’d got separated from) that thousands of people will have done last night alone?

From OP's lack of responses, I bet she's packing a bag and getting ready to go.