WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

Why are you even checking in on her on a night out with her friends?! Message to everyone, STOP TRACKING 21 YEAR OLDS and let them grow up! Let them learn from their own mistakes just like we did. Honestly, it blows my mind that people of my generation think this is normal.

Ah yes
Normal

I’d be concerned too. You’re not being unreasonable.

There are so many mean people who post on MN. I can understand that they may disagree with someone, but I just don't get their whole tone and attitude. It is so weird to witness.

What condition?

I'm not sure if you read the OPs post but her daughter got lost coming out the toilet and was BRIEFLY seperated from her friends. It in no way warrant a parent booking a hotel to be "on hand". I'd have absolutely died of embarrassment if that was my mother, it would have definitely had a negative impact on our relationship.

This is an open forum. People are quite entitled to tell the OP she is being unreasonable and ridiculous to overreact like this to completely non issue.

And "caring" doesn't mean swooping in to rescue adult children at the smallest inconvenience. A caring and decent parent would have allowed their adult child independence and freedom and installed them with resilience skills.

I think it’s weirder to witness the paranoid anxiety fuelled responses of some people about constant tracking and keeping tabs on grown adults.

If its not called out people think this is normal in their own little bubble, it’s not and it’s doing nobody any good whatsoever to encourage this behaviour.

People of course are entitled to their opinion & sometimes I think people sound so cross on this , there is a way of saying things & giving out to someone who is feeling anxious doesn’t do any good , and OP is a decent caring parent !!!!
Good for you for clearly never feeling worried or anxious over anything 🙄

And another thing what skills do we have when we are hammered ??? you’re talking rubbish !!!!
with your resilience skills

I was quite concerned the first few replies were actively encouraging her to go. Fueling her anxiety is worse than pointing out she's over reacting and being a tad controlling

It's amazing what skills you do have when hammered. My husband and I were talking about this thread this weekend and said how we always made it home, whatever state we got into when we were young.

Different times to be fair ..’
look, We are all different,and at the end of day handle situations differently , I guess ..
It’s only all good intentions behind what we say & our actions though ..
To you it’s being OTT , to OP and myself, it’s just making sure they are safe ..
We will have to agree to disagree PP 🤷🏻‍♀️

Those who think it’s perfectly reasonable to book a hotel in the town your adult child is partying in simply because they momentarily were separated from their mates - are you not worried that you will embarrass your child? Do you not think this is overbearing? At what age do you expect them to begin to not have mummy nearby? Dont you think this is a damaging mindset?

Not only embarrassing but not setting them up for life. We need to be able to manage situations, even when drunk. If mum and dad jump in every time there is a very minor incident (like this was, literally nothing happened) how will they manage when mum and dad are not there?

Well one PP said that they're 50 and their mother still tracks them...

I remember when I was in Uni, I went to one only about an hour from home but got a house share. This was the days where mobile phones weren’t the norm.

I went on a bender with housemates and we had friends back to our house. The night before someone broken the house phone handset so we had no phone until the shops opened and we sobered up and could be arsed going to get one

My mum couldn’t get in touch with us so she drove an hour at 9am on a Sunday morning and saw that our living room window was open. She actually opened the window and stuck her head through to ask if I was ok!! And then got very upset because me and friends were sitting around doing student things like smoking weed in our underwear. I still haven’t forgiven her for the total ridiculous over reaction and invasion into my privacy. She still maintains it was acceptable and rational, and “when your DD doesn’t answer the phone you will see where I’m coming from”. Well I won’t actually because I’m not a freak.

As parents we have to let go at some point and just hope that what happens to 99.9% of people happens to their adult children (ie absolutely nothing). To impose on their privacy well into adulthood because of your own irrational fear is terrible parenting. How did OP even know what happened to her DD?!

Not normal!!

100% agree

Also we all knew in our younger days (sadly clubbing is an “Well I’ll come but only if I can be home for 11pm tops” event these days 🤣) those girls who were monumental PITA on nights out, and I for one would distance myself from going out with them. You can guarantee that OP’s DD is firmly in the PITA category as her mummy calls her mates up!! Also there’s a good chance I’d have been shagging some bloke while some random mum calls me about a mate (I did not always make good choices 😆).

These are your DD’s party years, the fun and flighty time that can only truly be enjoyed at that age. Stop ruining it for them!

The majority of people on here are mothers and it's ridiculous to assume because people don't respond in a hysterical fashion they don't have "nothing to worry about". Most people on here probably have plenty to worry about but respond to these situations with rational and calm thinking.

It seems to be one man upship from some posters on here that's unless you're massively anxious and completely smother your children then you're not a "decent and caring parent". When do you let go of your children, are you still going to be monitoring their every move, checking in their every night out and running to their rescue when they are 30, 40?

I really don't get this "different times". Statically things aren't any safer nowadays and in fact I'd go to say there's more things like the ask Angela scheme at pubs, street pastors and people having mobile phones to text their friends that many of us didn't have grown up. And I've managed to survive into my 30s as have millions of others by going out and getting drunk without my mummy needing to come to my help all the time.

The best thing these posters could do is get a grip and help for their own anxiety.

The basic facts are that awful things did OCCASIONALLY happen when I was young and going out, and awful things OCCASIONALLY happen now.

Most of the truly terrible things we imagine being our worst case scenario, happen in the blink of an eye

Someone being stabbed
Someone being run over because they are drunk
Someone being abducted
Someone being sexually assaulted
Someone falling into a river/wheelie bin
Someone getting spiked
Someone getting in the 'wrong' taxi

And being in a hotel 2 miles up the road, or frantically tracking them on your phone is going to make fuck all difference.

Teach your kids sensible self-care and good morals (don't abandon drunk friends/don't let your pissed mate get into a taxi alone etc) and that's all you can do. Because short of shadowing them and instructing them on their next move via an undercover earpiece communication device in their ear, you cannot stop the terrible thing (which almost certainly won't happen) from happening

FWIW my DD (19) quite likes the idea that I have her on Find my Phone as she has form for losing her form and quite likes that she can call me and ask me where it is! But apart from that, I literally never look at it. DS (17) - who is probably more likely to be mugged or whatever - would no more let me have him tracked than trail him round in a hoodie with my jeans below my arse.

Statically less safer i should have said!

Like I said each to their own ..
You seen to be of the thinking, your view is the only view that matters , you are right that’s it , end of !!!
As I have said , we are all different ..
Okay , so some people get overly anxious over their kids ( I know , me being one of them ) that’s just the way I’m wired….
I don’t think for one second cause people are different to me & think differently to me with regards to their kids that they are bad parents !!!!
It’s like you give out when you are giving your opinion..
There is no need to ….

Okay , so some people get overly anxious over their kids ( I know , me being one of them ) that’s just the way I’m wired….

You don’t think that’s something you should work on though, for their sake?
I get incredibly anxious about my children, but I don’t want to smother them or restrict them from doing the things that children their age do, so that anxiousness is mine to deal with, not there’s. I’d never put that on them.

Aren’t you worried about how your anxieties affect your children?

Totally agree with people saying leave her to it. Totally shocked that the first posters were encouraging OP to book a hotel in case her 21 year old daughter got drunk or lost again! No wonder we have a snowflake generation incapable of looking after themselves.

We were talking about this at the weekend and a friend of mine was talking about the lack of common sense and resilience in new recruits these days. She told a true story about an incident at night at a murder scene. As is usual the scene was cordoned off and officers stationed at various points in the vicinity to prevent people approaching. Concerned was raised by one of the officers at the scene that there seemed to be a car circling the area. He duly checked the VRM and it turned out to be the mother of one of the male officers stationed on the corden. The officer had text his mummy to tell her it was dark and he was a bit fwightened stood on his own on a scene so his mother had took it upon herself to go and patrol the scene in her car to reassure him! What on Earth have we become????!!!

Just imagine if she was away at uni. You'd never know any of it.