WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

Well she probably would, because she’d be tracking her phone and calling her multiple times on nights out!

She's 21. Kindly you need to leave her to it!

"Why aren't you in your dorm? You didn't tell me you were going out. I'm in the car park now!"

Fair. I was at uni long before mobiles!

I was at university when mobiles were coming in and still don't track my DD's phone. I couldn't exactly go 250 miles to rescue her on a drunken night out.

This makes absolutely no sense at all.

I haven't said anywhere that my view is the only one at all that matters. However this is a discussion and opinion forum. People are entitled to give their opinion as they see fit. There is no requirement to agree with everyone or to be taking in everyone's opinion when I make mine.

My opinion still stands that I think the OP is ridiculous, that people need to let go of their adult children and being overly anxious and extremely over protective does more harm than good and risks ruining your relationship with your child and increasing their own anxieties.

Whether you agree with this or not is up to you. Frankly I couldn't care less. However this is a forum and not a therapy safe space. If people's own anxieties are impacted by what people write on here then this probably isn't the best medium for them to seel advice.

Hey , I’d say I’m after coming across as they can’t go outside the door & I’m ringing them , keeping tabs on them , waiting outside wherever they are for them .
I’m not !!!!!!
In this case , OPs daughter was in the city & very drunk , had lost her friends at one occasion and it was early in the night , I was just responding to this situation…
Yes , then I’d be worried what way would they be at end of night then ….
Asking me “ am I not worried how my anxieties affect my children “ ..
I’m not crazy with the kids , where I cause them embarrassment , or tell them how anxious I am !!!! ..
The OP was going to stay in the city , yeah , but from what I can remember, her daughter would never know …
When I’m anxious or worrying about them , I’m not panic stricken down the phone to them !!!!

Oh , and countTo10 , what’s your point ????
That’s an irrelevant story ..
We are talking about a drunk girl who’s judgement is completely impaired due to alcohol, Zero comparison !!!!!

SlightlyJaded , you make a lot of sense aswel , I do listen to other people’s opinions ,
plus I find you funny 😂😂

But she wasn't incoherently drunk or vastly impaired, she'd just taken a wrong turn and was headed back her friends. There is a huge difference between 'drunk' and 'had a drink' but it appears the DD was leaning more towards the latter a d OP was overreacting.

Of course your anxieties rub off on your children even if you think you’re hiding them

Yes okay..
Her mom was just thinking, give her another few hours & what way will she be ….

One of my girls is 22, she’s a fab girl , outgoing , bubbly , kind , I’m being very truthful here , everyone likes her ….
We’ll say she goes out 10 times , 9 times she will be great , no worry ..
That other one time , she will be a right off , this is the truth & I always worry when she goes out will this be one of her crazy nights ..
I went to pick her up one night , she didn’t ring me , it was 3 am , busy night out where we live & I thought maybe she might not be able to get a taxi up , we live 20 min walk & it’s quite dark , less then 5 mins drive . I never rang her out once while she was out , but when it’s the end of the night , I would ring to see is she ok getting home …
She never answered, say she was off with a lad or wanted to go to a party, i’d always say to her
Just send me a text at end of night , say you won’t be home , so no text, nothing ..
I don’t think that’s overbearing to ask for a text to be sent just so you know they won’t be home ..
like she would send a text aswel & say waiting on a taxi , I’ll be home shortly..
Anyway , I gave a spin down & met her taking the 2 sides of the footpath and veering off in a completely different direction to where we live , I stopped and helped her into car & she had not a clue who I was & that’s as true as God ..

I Have spoken to her about getting into conditions like this obviously..
I just get , yeah I know mom , I hardly ever get like that …..🙄

In this day and age and considering the increasing number of rapes etc of young women I’m not surprised you’re worried. I’d have a long chat with her about not letting herself get too drunk and to always keep her wits about her.

There's no "increasing number" just better reporting, a wider understanding of what is counted as Sexual Assualt and more access to the stories via social media which makes it all look much scarier.

And her DD did keep her wits about her. She took a wrong turn and then immediently went back to her friends when she realised. That's nothing

Just make sure you have friends contact numbers too maybe?

OP has no right to her DD's friends' phone numbers as she has no relationship with them, they are her daughter's friends and not hers. She shouldn't be contacting them to check up on DD during nights out.

In this case , OPs daughter was in the city & very drunk , had lost her friends at one occasion and it was early in the night , I was just responding to this situation…
Yes , then I’d be worried what way would they be at end of night then ….

But if you weren't tracking her, and feeding your anxiety, you'd never know anything about it. The OP's dd was fine - took a wrong turn, realised, turned back and was back with her friends.

I have 3 adult dc now. They all lived through their teens, and through University, and then nights out after they started work, without telling me where they were going. As it should be. Because they were brought up well, and with skills to be adults.
No, I can't 100% say nothing bad will ever happen to them. Same as I can't say nothing bad will ever happen to me, or to dh. Some things are out of our control, but most things you can risk assess and make decisions. Yes, even when you've been drinking - things like going out with other decent people and sticking to the staying together rules.

Oh, and if OP were sat in a travel lodge in the same City as her dd, how exactly is that going to prevent anything happening to her ?

I have also brought my children up well ..
I didn’t mean my daughter would message & say she is going off with a boy , she won’t be home !!!
I mean she would message to say she won’t be home until tomorrow..
It’s me that is saying because obviously she is going to a friends or with a boy , cause obviously that is why they are not coming home until the next day ..
I mean , I always get a message , whether it’s I’ll be home in a while in a taxi or I won’t be home until tomorrow..
I worry when I don’t get a message ..

The friends numbers for a 21 year old?!
I don't have all the friends numbers of my 21 year old.
He's an adult.