WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

Why the fuck is she telling you now as it’s happening rather than in 15 years time after a couple of wines at Christmas?
leave her be.

I'm a lot older than your daughter but I've done this sort of thing stone cold sober - gone through the wrong door, taken a wrong turning etc. Your daughter was sober/sensible enough to take your call, tell you accurately where she was, formulate the thought that she needed to get back to her friends, share her location with you, take her friend's call, and navigate herself properly to find them. I'm not saying she's not pissed 😆 but I don't think she's necessarily in dire straits here, unless there's some detail missing. I mean this in an encouraging way, albeit I know you will worry regardless! 💐

I can understand your panic but it would be so embarrassing for her if you check into a hotel there. Could you ask the more sober friend to let you know when they are safely back at their hotel no matter how late ?

We all survived being 21 and drunk without a blow by blow update to our mums. Christ I was in my 2nd year at uni by that point...the thought of calling my mum on a night out was preposterous. Let her be an adult.

Oh ffs. She's 21. So many of us have had too much in our twenties. Clingy mums make clingy kids. Let her be and stop getting too involved.

Is this her first time going out?
How long are you going to be ringing her and tracking her on nights out?

I know it's hard managing that sort of anxiety but rather than giving in to it, try and get through hour by hour. Distract yourself, binge watch something, read, anything to pass time and keep your mind off it.

It's not sustainable to keep giving in to your anxiety by pitching up in a hotel near by.

And what are you going to do next time she's out? You can't book into hotels all the time

She's with friends who seem to be looking after her. You're able to track her 🙄 Shes an adult. Going out and getting drunk is almost a right of passage. It happens up & down the country every weekend. What doesn't happen is parents booking into hotels incase their ADULT child needs looked after. She's with a group of friends. She'd be mortified if she knew what you were planning. Don't do it

The problem with that, speaking from experience, is if they forget you end up worrying till midday the next day!

I've learnt to not ring or text unless an absolute emergency because chances are they can't hear their phones, forget, fall asleep before replying etc

That's pretty extreme OP. And I'm a worrier.

You have her location. You know where she is. You can check in at any point. She is with friends who went and found her. You have contact numbers from her friends - that is actually a LOT of backup.

IF - on the miniscule chance - something were to happen (and it almost certainly won't), you being in a Premier Inn 6 miles away would be neither here nor there.

Try and put it into perspective. She's drunk (along with about 2 million other people tonight) in a city with her mates. She's not getting high in the basement of a crack house. She'll be grand.

I know times are different to the 90s and early 2000s but when it came to nights out someone going missing for a bit because they're drunk would have been a non event. We'd have found them somehow and got on with the night. Can't see how involving a parent from afar would help the situation at all- it would only make it so much worse.

So all that's actually happened is that she went the wrong way when she came out of some toilets?

You are being way OTT. She is on a night out. Her friends are looking out for her. What do you think getting a hotel in the city will achieve? She's an adult. Many kids her age and younger are at Uni doing a semester abroad.

She needs to know how to be safe without your intervention. Its unfortunate, but all you can do is tell her not to get so drunk and try and keep close to your mates in future.

Stay at home and worry. Don't go to the city.

her friends sound like a good bunch, looking out for each other.

She's 21. She has a phone. She's with her mates and it sounds like they're looking out for her. If she's been drinking since 11am she's probably had a kebab and sobered up a bit by now. I can't imagine why you would need to get a hotel?

Honestly. I did stupid things when I was 21, but I didn't tell my mum because that would have been insane. Either I or my mates sorted it out. And thank goodness no-one could track a Nokia 3310. That lost freedom was so precious.

At 21 I was living on an entirely different continent to my family for 3 years, I had many a drunken adventure and fortunately came out unscathed. I'd never involve (or tell) my DM unless I was kidnapped or in need to money!

Your dd has friends watching out for her. Leave your ringer on and go to sleep as normal. If she's been drinking since early hours she'll be seeking food soon and heading to bed.

I'm a bit confused. If she gets separated from her friends surely she would call/text to arrange to meet? Worst case scenario she can't and she just goes home. That's what we used to do anyway. Why would you need to go to a hotel in the city for a 21 year old in a night out?

My parents had no idea what I was getting up to at 21 because I was an adult (it was nothing that bad), I'd leave her to it tbh

She's with her friends and they're all keeping an eye on each other. You don't need to be checking in, you don't need to go there, and you don't need to speak to her friends. She's an adult, she'll be fine.

I was out drinking in town from the age of 16/17, fairly standard for the 90s, and never got a parent involved. If someone got too drunk then we looked after them ourselves.

I worry about my teens but this is over the top. She briefly got separated from her friends. It a non issue.

At 21?! My mum wouldn’t have known what I was doing any night of the week at 21, nevermind that I was drinking!

Does she have any special needs? It just seems unthinkable to me to be tracking an adult child as a parent unless they are unable to live independently as an adult

It sounds like her friend is coping. I'd try to relax.

I think your anxiety is taking over here. If you are needed you can always go but there's no point going when they don't even know you're there!

Your daughter really needs to think about the amount she's drinking and how she can reduce that. She's going to get herself into tricky situations otherwise.

It's really weird that any of them called you when she lost them when you're so far away

I find tracking adults on the phone creepy.
Some of us had travelled the world before the age of 21.
You need to step aside. It’s all very controlling