WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

This is one of those threads that makes me realise that either I'm mad or the world is.

Agreed. Furious because she lost her sense of direction then went back and found them?

She got separated from her friends for what appears to be a short period. She was clearly sober enough to make her way back to the bar and all was fine.

Nothing has happened, nothing at all.

The vast majority of people have done daft things as a teen/ young adult and it's all part of growing up figuring out how to manage it. This is so minor on the daft things scale.

If she has a hotel room in the city where she is, and means to get there, and it feels safe for her, then I would tell her to go there and sleep. Everything else can be decided tomorrow.

If she tells you that she is NOT safe tonight, then yes, either go and get her or help her book something to keep her safe until morning.

Sadly, it is often normal behaviour on MN! Mobiles seem to cause anxiety, how would today's mothers cope were they unable to stalk their adult 'children' on a night out???

Back in my day it was a case of staying over with friend then go home next day, which I did. Well maybe stayed over with different 'friends' but always got home OK.

She's 21 Leave her be!
The world has gone mad.. or maybe it's me

Going by the OPs silence on the thread it looks likes going to that hotel after all

Can’t believe people saying they would be furious and sitting an adult down for a serious lecture on drinking.

Get a grip. How incredibly overbearing can someone be?

What do these anxiety-ridden mothers plan for their overgrown babies when they die? Who will make sure no harm comes to their 40 year old offspring once you’re not there to track their phone and insist they have water between drinks in the pub? 🙄

But she hasn't indicated she's in difficulty, she hasn't asked for help, she hasn't said she doesn't want to be there or that she wants the night to end. She's 21, on a night out with her mates, and is a bit tiddly. She's clearly not incapable or even in a state of extreme drunkenness seeing as she's walking around, able to chat on the phone, etc.

OP has no business telling her adult daughter that it's time to go to bed.

She’s 21. I think you need to remove the tracking app and try and calm down.

She’s pissed and went the wrong way when coming out of the loo and is now safely back with her friends.

My eldest is 23, she went to uni at 18, came home for a few months and then moved away with her boyfriend last year. I have no idea what she’s up to most of the time and I find it’s best that way. It’s none of my business what she’s up to. Even when she came home from uni for a few months I had to keep my nose out. When she first went to uni she was out on the piss all the time. If course I worried about her, but I had to deal with that.

Going to stay in a hotel nearby would be truly OTT

I know it’s easy to say, but you’ve got to try and stop worrying and let her get on with it. In the nicest possible way, your anxiety isn’t her problem.

Why does she need mum to tell her to go to bed. Literally all that happened this evening was that she got separated from her friends and then she found them again. It's such a non event.

She's 21 ffs.

Travelling in secret to be in the same city as an adult when they go out drinking is absolutely batshit insane.

Exactly!

They don't seem to realise that you raise them as best you can and then there comes a point when you have to let them go and trust that you did a good enough job.

OP has said she spoke to her DD who was drunk and lost her way

Maybe when she spoke to her she sounded out of it, did her daughter call her distraught or upset she was lost???

She rang her again to check she had got back to her friends. She didnt answer...a friend did....why didnt she answer her phone but her friend did???

Friend "said" they had found her and brought her back and she was "fine"... is this true💁

I totally get why the OP is worried

Yeah, this is where I would land too. How did anyone manage to get pissed up and messy before MN.

"Oh fuck it's my mum again. Can you answer?"

I agree with this. A bit drunk and lost her friends? I’d be worried if she was 14, but they’ve obviously all had the ability to meet back up again. Massive drama about nothing

With kindness, you need to step back. She’s an adult. Let her get on with it. She’s with mates. She’s acting like a foolishly drunk young woman like so many of us before. Tomorrow she’ll have a banging headache, swear to never drink again and promptly forget when the cheap wine is being passed around during the next night out.
Get some sleep.

Or DD has went "oh my god, it's my bloody mother again, she's going to keep ringing..." (or words to that effect) and her friend has volunteered to speak to her on the DDs behalf to reassure her that everything is fine.

If the DD was upset, it would have been in the opening post. If she sounded out of it, it would have been in the opening post. The DD didn't even ring OP so clearly didn't feel a need to reach out to her for help, it was the OP who rang the DD to "check in" and DD just happened to be walking at the time. If OP hadn't rang, she wouldn't have known and there'd be no need for her to have gone DEFCON 1 about it

At least she goes out and sees people!! My son never Socialises or leaves his
room apart from going to college. Can't see him leaving his room at all once he finishes his A levels in June. Oh and thats assuming he completes them at all as his attendance is so erratic. I am at the end of my tether

I have a 22yo DS. He doesn't go out drinking often due to his job, but when he does I've no idea where he is (the same as me at that age)
He is an adult with his own life. If I don't hear him come home, I'll always pop my head in his room to check he's there in the morning (he always is, and his girlfriend!)

She’s 21…. Why on Earth are you tracking her and speaking to her friends.

She’s 21 and out with friends. Why are you calling her and tracking her?
I lived alone in Paris when I was 21. I was regularly out with friends until 7am. My parents had no idea what I was doing, because I was an adult.

None of this would have happened if OP didn't micromanage her night out.

Who phones their mum to tell them they've gone the wrong direction in a pub?.did dd not think to phone, you know, her friends?