To not want to leave children with DH because it creates work for me?

[butterfliesandbugs]

I know I’m going to get a bit of an online flaming for this but I’m genuinely wondering how many of us are in the same position.

Our children are four and one (two in may.) And I need a break from them but I never get one because I just don’t like leaving them with DH. I do love him and he loves the children but he just can’t seem to plan ahead for when he has them and it creates work for me.

So some examples are

Not giving DS anything to eat and then when DS was hungry let him eat an entire pack of blueberries and then he had loose poos the next day and was sent home from preschool.

Not offering them drinks - this is a biggie as DS doesn’t drink enough as it is.

If I go out and they are in the house I come back and it honestly looks like it’s been ransacked .

Driving somewhere that’s a fair trek mid to late afternoon so someone falls asleep and is then up till gone ten.

Not changing DDs nappy when it’s wet (only dirty)

I know people will claim it’s weaponised incompetent and it honestly isn’t. Just incompetence. And I know one of the issues is he isn’t used to having them but I frankly CBA with the fallout for when he does!

I don't get it were you ever a partnership or always a skivvy?
This is why bottle feeding took off

exactly. if it's yellow, let it mellow is for saving water in your toilet, NOT for nappies

Leave him a reminder list of things to do when he has the kids by himself. Bullet point things like Regular Nappy changes Offer drinks No sleep past xx O'clock Tidy up as you go * Times for breakfast, lunch, Dinner.
If he's no good at feeding the kids then leave a packed lunch for them & plenty of healthy snacks. If he lets them sleep later than they should be & then they're up late, let him do the bedtime routine so he understands the consequence's of letting them sleep late afternoon.

Sometimes I think the low standards are because the OH thinks he is doing her a favour, not doing something he naturally should. And being asked to do something, or do it a certain way, is an imposition. I have had this. It's not comfortable to live with. It's a way of pointing out that women are support things for real people i.e. men.

Find a decent babysitter. Someone who you'd trust to look after your children if the two of you went away for a weekend.
Then regularly book them and get out of the house. They will build a relationship with your children and you will have some sort of competent back up that you can rely on in an emergency. Whether your DH is kicking around or not is irrelevant. He/she can take the kids to the park, to birthday parties, to soft play or stay at home.
Make sure this comes out of joint funds.