Dh has new female friend

[Saladdays01]

DH (married 20 years) has recently become good friends with female colleague. She is separated with a young DD. Met her at a social event last month, she seems nice and has asked to meet up just with me too. However she messages my Dh nearly every other day now. Sometimes work stuff but usually sharing links to stuff they are interested in etc. I think it’s just friendly and she’s done the same with me (to a much, much lesser extent as we don’t really know each other yet). They do share a lift occasionally too. AIBU to be worried about all this? Dh says she’s just a person and I have absolutely nothing to worry about. They are talking about going for a drink at some point but I feel a bit uneasy about this. Should I invite myself along too or is that weird?!

@Ratri apologies I've got you mixed up with the poster I initially responded to.

Yes it’s quite possible. I can only speak for my own experiences which people keep attacking, which were not like that at all. I was just making a point that it’s not always sinister, as it hasn’t been in my case.
‘sniffing around a married man’ is a horrible turn of phrase and implies the woman is like a dog in heat. They may just genuinely get on, she’s included the wife so I don’t see it personally, but maybe that’s because I’m comparing to myself.

What a sad mindset to live with honestly, to feel this way about other women and to view them all as predatory.

Why is it any different if gay or bi people are involved? Two people with sexual orientations that mean it’s possible they’d fancy each other. The principle is exactly the same. I can’t think why you’d think it’s different (well, I can).

I think my DH would rather stick pins in his eyes than spend his spare time messaging the likes of you. He doesn't do women friends apart from colleagues, golf players or our friendship groups.

So yes, I do think your male friends are a bit sad and probably haven't got these friendships.

Honestly, we have a great marriage and we have the same mindset. We haven't got anything missing in our lives to seek these friendships.

A man who “doesn’t do women friends” would be a big red flag to me. Suggests he views women only as potential receptacles for his penis.

He has lots of women friends. Read my posts. He is just busy and hasn't got time to add anymore.

In sorry but you are clutching at straws here.

OMG, I've just had to read this out to him. We've been together 20 years. We are both pissing ourselves.

What do you mean these friendships? Do neither of you have friends? Or do you mean friendships with the other sex?
It’s not about seeking them, it’s about existing friendships or naturally developing friendships.

Personally I met all of my closest friends, male and female through work. So started as colleagues.

This is true most start as colleagues then later perhaps school playground parents etc.

Same things happen later though you chat to dad's in the playground you don't then message 20 times that night and arrange to meet up for drinks. Again, social boundaries. Some have them, some sadly don't.

Read my posts. We both have plenty of friends. We are just going to meet a group now for drinks.

But no friends that you see alone? Only with your husband?

Read my posts or don't I don't care.

This. It's always the husband's fault as he is the one in the marriage.

What it boils down to, is some people believe a male and a female can be friends without it ever leading to anything, some don’t and some sit somewhere in the middle of thinking it can happen, but best to be cautious with new friendships. I sit in the middle probably,
luckily I’m single so I don’t have to live with these worries but obviously it’s best to marry someone with the same views on this as you.

I am hiding this thread now as it’s quite nasty and depressing. Lots of woman hating views, aimed at single women. Just to put all you happily married people at ease- not all single women are man hunters and are almost certainly not after your older husbands. Personally I am single because it makes me happy, I don’t have any interest in men so the genders of my friends are irrelevant to me. This thread has highlighted yet another perk of being single, I can be friends with who I want. Apparently that’s not true for most marriages.

I would also love to know who these women are that are texting their friends (married or not) 20 times a day, who has the time 😂and if they’re not being replied to it’s verging on stalker territory.

Well yes, generally in a marriage you have the feelings of someone else to also consider. I don't think many people are saying no one should have friends of the opposite sex, but texting someone outside of work and going for drinks isn't something everyone would be comfortable with and that's okay. I also wonder how the blokes would feel if the shoe was on the other foot- a younger single man OP met at a work social kept messaging and they arranged to meet up for a drink outside of work.

Us too - though 30 years.

You are not alone. This thread shows insecure women.
I am married but we can be friends with anyone we want. Not all women are men hunters who are after older men. It is fine to be married and friends with opposite sex.
I am also bi. DH has known from the start. Does it mean I can't be friends with anyone?!

Jesus it's like banging your head against a brick wall. No one is saying you can't have friends of the opposite sex, just not ones that fly red flags.
And no the red flags aren't just that they are of the opposite sex.

This thread has brought out all the classic jealous mumsnetter wives hasn't it. 'Leggy blonde luscious Laura' etc etc.
Such low self esteem on here and clearly no trust whatsoever.

I'm not insecure. In 20 years this has never cropped up. Neither of us have ever wanted to have this sort of friendship. We have a lot of opposite sex friends just not ones we want to constantly text or meet for drinks.

Totally agree...

I bet Baby Raindeer was uncomfortable viewing for some of you. 😂