To wish I had a sister

[Briannaco]

My mum has four sisters. They've supported each other through every stage of life.

Now in their 60s and 70s, they all go for lunch together every two weeks. They all ring each other every week and tell each other what's been happening each week, and they support each other over the phone.

They are all close to each other. However my aunts are not like that to me. I think because they have so many nieces and nephews they are not really close to any of us.

But the five sisters themselves are close.

I have no sisters. I have one older brother. If I ring him and ask him any questions or ill try to chat to him, he will just reply with one word answers. He is very untalkative and unsupportive. He never asks me about my life. It's like having no one.

I just feel like life would be so much better having a sister and I feel sad ill never have one. My mum said that her friend was saying the same thing to her the other day. My mums friend has no sisters and she said that she'd love to have a sister.

I feel the same way OP. I have one brother but he’s got severe difficulties/drug issues so it is difficult to talk to him and have a relationship. I envy people with lots of siblings whom they are close to.

I send you a hug!

I don’t have that relationship with my sisters at all. I do the things you’ve described your mum and her sisters doing with my friends.

I've finally given up trying to have a relationship with my sister. She's always been really hard work, one thing after another, and I finally decided enough was enough. Sisters aren't always best friends.

My sisters are my best friends and I’m gutted I couldn’t give my daughter one.

There’s zero guarantee that you’ll be close to a sibling whatever their gender is.

I think you're creating this idealised version of a sister in your head. There's no guarantee you would have got on or would have been close.

I think so many build up this idea that sibling relationships are the be all and end all and that they are the only meaningful a person has. I have two brothers and I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. I don't feel lonely and I genuinely couldn't care less about the lack of relationship between us, I have plenty of other people in my life who I cherish more and am closer to. I don't get the pressure people put on themselves to have this perfect sibling relationship or the feeling lonely if you don't have it. Its great if you have it but its not the end od the world. There world is a big place and there are so many ways to cultivate close relationships. Instead of focusing on what you think you don't have, look at ways you can enrich your own life.

I understand how your feeling OP I wish I had siblings and a bigger, closer family. I have 2 half brothers on my dad's side but we weren't all raised together so I grew up as an only child. I'm quite close with one of my brothers but we aren't close like siblings who will have grown up in the same home sharing everything close. I would have loved either a brother or sister to share everything with and remain close with in adulthood but I am so lucky to have some very close friends who are like family. Though like others have said there are no guarantees that having siblings will mean a close relationship.

My Mum has a best friend who has two daughters that unfortunately cannot be in the same room together, it’s so bad that she has to make two separate Christmas dinners for them at different times of the day 😢

This just isn't true at all. I work in adult social work and what it has taught me is that EVERY family is different. It is not a simple black and white statement to say those that have loving families are happier and those that don't have good relationships are miserable.

I come across families of all shapes and sizes and have learnt that family relationships can be very complex. Some people have unbelievably awful upbringings or relationships with their siblings and are much happier when they break these ties. I've seen people have support from community groups, friends and neighbours and have had much more support from these people than family.

It really grates on me how people on here can be so dismissive of the close friendships people have and that for some people their friends are really much more supportive than their family. Life isn't one size fits all. My friends are so much closer to me than my siblings. And I didn't have a miserable upbringing far from it. My siblings have turned out to be selfish, miserable people. Why would I want them in my life?

I feel well supported and happy in my life. I don't feel I miss out on anything. I must have missed the memo that I should feel otherwise.

No point wishing for something beyond your control.

My friend (in her forties) has a great relationship with her brother. They talk and meet pretty regularly and he is always popping over to help her with DIY.

Don't make generalisations based on your own experiences.

I have a sister. As children she never list an opportunity to get me into trouble with our parents and because she was the younger of us, she was always believed. When my parents separated, I was expected to take responsibility for her. That meant we never really had a sister relationship, and sadly that has continued into adulthood. I always have to be the one who instigates contact unless she needs my help with something. I strongly believe that when our mother dies we will see each other at the funeral and then never again.
It does sadden me, but I guess since I've never truly had a sister relationship and since she's made it clear she is not bothered, I have to accept it. Thankfully, I have wonderful relationships with my aunts and I also have wonderful ds's and dils as well as my DH. I have friends I can rely on for fun and support. Having a sister isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I could have written that myself! I feel exactly the same about both my sisters. It’s easy to romanticise what you don’t have but the reality can be very different.

And this woman talks to my mum every week. And my mum would always be talking about her social life with her own sisters.
So my mums friend is always saying "I wish I had a sister'
Maybe your mum is not being very tactful to speak in this way to someone who doesn't have a sister but longs for one. There are other things she can talk about. It only makes it more painful for a lonely person to be repeatedly told what a fabulous social life other people are having - its a real life version of social media!

I have one (older) brother and never wanted a sister.
My friends who have sisters (I am 44 - friends a similar age) - all but one hate them.

You can have mine for free OP.

Your mum is very lucky to have a relationship like that with her sisters. I certainly don't.

You can have my sister if you want!

I have a sister a year younger than me who unfortunately has a lot of mental health issues, we are not close at all and almost no contact, so I feel like an only child really, my DH has three sisters and the three of them are so supportive of each other, makes me a little sad 😔

I have two sisters and two brothers. One of my sisters is great and I feel very lucky to have her in my life. I get on well enough with the other three, but they are a lot more effort and always seem to need help rather than it be a two way thing.

nevertheless, I feel lucky to have lots of siblings even though we don’t see each other that often as we all live in different countries or far from each other.

Yeah they're very close with each other. But theyre nor close to me . They never ask about my life.
Two of my aunts never really speak to me.
my other two aunts only ever text me occasionally, and it will always be about something to do with my mum. Not with me.
Eg when my mum had a fall one of my aunts texted me and said "keep me updated on your mum"
However she will never ask me about my life.

If your Mum and her sisters are all still alive, and see each other regularly, then I think that is fairly normal.. When my Mum was still alive, she and her sister chatted regularly (on the phone as they didn't live close) and My Mum would pass back and forth any news about us, or tell us about my Aunt's news. Only after my Mum died, did we start regularly chatting with my Aunt. Same with my adult nieces, I'm likely to hear general updates about things from their Mum (my sister) than directly from them.

@Briannaco I think you have some sort of fantasy idea of what a relationship with a sister would be like.
It sounds like your Mum and her sisters have been extraordinarily lucky.

I do have a sister. I get on fine with her, but she's not my closest confidant. I don't go out with her very much at all. I have friends for that.

I have no biological family now (all passed away). And I admit the older I get the more I miss a sibling (or any relative). It seems to me that as people age my friends seem to rely on their families more. And I miss that... well as far as you can miss something that you have never had.

Mine is a pain in the arse. Has a couple of good points but you just can't trust her, she is extremely secretive and lies quite frequently about anything and everything.

I wish I had a brother as I've always gotten on better with guys although I do have some lovely female friends, one is my friend my whole life and I view her as my sister ❤️

My mum is an only who had horrendous parents and no grandparents and she’s had a deep profound sense of loneliness and sort of rootlessness. That’s why she had lots of children but as that’s the generation below it doesn’t compensate for having nothing above or beside you I think she’d say.

My sister is one of my greatest gifts, I remember so clearly when she was born, I felt like mum and dad had got her for me as compensation for my brothers 😂

She’s brilliant, bright, beautiful, headstrong, a pain in the arse, hilarious, insightful, a wonderful mum, a fantastic auntie and a constant source of warmth, support, wisdom and love in my life. We don’t have aunts or uncles and never had involved grandparents and being in a little gang of siblings is something I try never to take for granted. Though they drive me mad sometimes I feel a sense of connection and unconditional back up and support in them.

I know my mum feels the same as you do OP and I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this 💐

Are there any cousins you could develop closer relationships with?