To wish I had a sister

[Briannaco]

My mum has four sisters. They've supported each other through every stage of life.

Now in their 60s and 70s, they all go for lunch together every two weeks. They all ring each other every week and tell each other what's been happening each week, and they support each other over the phone.

They are all close to each other. However my aunts are not like that to me. I think because they have so many nieces and nephews they are not really close to any of us.

But the five sisters themselves are close.

I have no sisters. I have one older brother. If I ring him and ask him any questions or ill try to chat to him, he will just reply with one word answers. He is very untalkative and unsupportive. He never asks me about my life. It's like having no one.

I just feel like life would be so much better having a sister and I feel sad ill never have one. My mum said that her friend was saying the same thing to her the other day. My mums friend has no sisters and she said that she'd love to have a sister.

Some things you dont get over

I don't think it's strange.

She really wants a sister and she doesn't have one.

And this woman talks to my mum every week. And my mum would always be talking about her social life with her own sisters.

So my mums friend is always saying "I wish I had a sister'

I’ve always wished for a(n older) sister too. I don’t have a close relationship with anyone in my family. A sister probably wouldn’t be any different, but it might have been nice having someone else in the house who wasn’t football mad.

YANBU

I know so many amazing supportive sister relationships that bring so much to each stage if life but especially when older. Also having someone from your family childhood who knows/ shares history and dynamics is amazing.

I don't have a sister but yanbu to feel like you're missing out. I'd like one too. Appreciate some sisters are significantly better than others but yanbu to wish you had the same sort of relationship in your life.

I think it can also be children who have had very uninvolved parents, that forces the bond to an extent.
Theres obviously a healthy middle ground as thats not good, but I do wonder if sometimes children who are very occupied by parents, not left to play together indecently without parental input enough then don't form as close of a bond.
Me and my brother had very little parental attention as children so spent a lot of time together.

People always reply to these sorts of posts with stories of bad examples of whatever relationship the OP has expressed a desire to have eg, in this case "lots of sisters don't even talk to each other", "my sister is vile" etc.

Similarly if a poster is thinking of having a 2nd child so their 1st will have a sibling ("my sibling and I hate each other") or a poster wishing to be in a relationship ("look at all the horrible DHs on MN, I would rather be single").

OP, my mum has 5 sisters, she is very close to all of them, they are all 70s/80s and a huge support to each other. Of course there have been fallings out over the years but never anything huge or long lasting.

I have 1 sister, we have been very close for many years, I would be lost without her. We have quite a few cousins, those with sisters are mostly close, we have a 'cousins dinner' once or twice a year and have a whatsapp group.

It's ok to yearn for, and be a bit wistful, about omething you don't have, the response doesn't always have to be "oh, why yearn for that (whatever it may be), it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Totally agree

I have two sisters and two daughters.
One sister is lovely,one a cow who I finally went NC with.
My daughters are not close at all.

It's the people who have very little family that are the loneliest

That is nonsense. Why do you think family is the answer to your loneliness? If I didn’t have siblings, I’d still have friends. I don’t even know how many cousins I have, it’s easily over 30. I only see 2 of them and the last time was probably 5 years ago. One of my best friends was an only child whose parents were really old when she was born. She has no family other than her husband and kids. She’s not lonely because she has loads of great friends.

I know how you feel and there is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. I too have always wondered what it would have been like to have had a sister and I am envious of women who have such close bonds with their sisters, to me it looks like having a best friend for life. However I know it's all a fantasy and as I am a naturally competitive person if I had had a sister maybe we wouldn't have got on well or I would feel competitive with her and/or jealous. Who knows! this has helped me with accepting that it just wasn't mean to be and the fantasy is very different from the reality. Also if it helps growing up I always thought it would have been really cool to have had an older brother!

Why don't you stop daydreaming about the impossible and go and find good friends that will fill the void that you are making up in your own head. Your mum is one of the few lucky ones who have a close sisterhood. This is not reality for the majority I'm afraid and you are being very unrealistic by thinking this is the norm. It's not as you can read from others. We can all daydream about what we would love in life be it people ,money, kids etc. your never going to have a sister. Your brother is not doing anything bad, and his disassociation of u is his choice not your fault. You're going to make yourself ill by moping about something u can never change. You need a best friend. Sisters are not always biological.

I have a large extended family but no sisters and no daughters.

I have naturally and all my life placed enormous importance on female friends. In some ways this is great because you don’t have the same dynamics that cause arguments and resentment in family relationships.

My best friend died recently and it has been utterly devastating yet a friend bereavement holds no status in society. If I had lost a sister- even if not close- I think the reaction of others would have been different. Of course my lovely female friends have been a great support but a lot of my family have paid very little attention.

As everyone say, OP, not all sisters get on. But friends can be just as good, if not better. I have known my closest friends for nearly 50 years. Think about your friendships, and maybe you will find the connections you seek.

I fundamentally disagree. I have no interest in my family, and never see them. I love and value my friends. I am perfectly happy with this situation.

YANBU. I also so wish I had a sister. My Mum has three sisters and they don’t live that close to each other but there is frequent messaging and meets, weekends away etc. I have a brother and it’s completely differently. Especially now I have young children some days I feel so lonely. I message my Mum every day but would love to have a sister for that relationship too. Was thinking even it would be nice to have someone just to message in this storm but I don’t.

People are being realistic. It's ridiculous to assume if you had a sister all would be well and good.
You.might had a sister and she died too.

Nobody can magic the op a sister that she wants so best to get over it and on with life.

I'm sure we all have a long lists of wants.

A friend, neighbour or colleague will suffice in this situation.

I agree with you op.

I think a lot of posters are being very disingenuous...

Irl I find most people are close to their families and depend on them a lot. It's all very well for people to say friends are better than family, but I find vast majority of people are all consumed with their families leaving little time for friends.

You might have had a sis but she.might have liked football.

You do realise this?

I never wanted a sister until my mum died. Now I really wish I had one. My dad and brothers are lovely but it's just not the same. I miss having an adult female family member. I'm lucky I have a wonderful group of friends who are very supportive.

As much as my 3 sisters drive me crazy at times, I would be lost with them.

None of our children have a sister, some have a brother, others are only children.

I do wish DD had a sister too.

I have friends without sisters and they have good relationships and reach out to do more with friends, sisters can hinder a new friendship.

Like everything there are pros and cons.

I realise when I said it would be nice to have someone to message it sounds very basic. Im quite naturally shy and socially anxious. I’ve tried really hard in our village to make friends but I’m always on the periphery really. I think people think I’m nice enough but don’t want to be good friends with me. Maybe find me dull. I think that’s the thing with family - there’s none of that awkwardness and even aunties I haven’t seen for a year I just feel at ease with. I don’t worry they find me boring or anything like that. Anyway I’ve always just thought about the joy a sister, or I suppose equally a good best friend, could’ve brought to my life and I think that’s ok.

MIL has fallen out with her sisters
DM isn't that close to her sisters

In fact...I'm closer to my older brother than the above!

When people talk about hypothetical siblings, they tend to forget that sibling relationships go both ways. Whether they’re younger or older, sometimes they take more than they give. People always say they want a sibling so they could have more support and the other benefits of a close relationship. That’s only one side of the coin.
The thing with siblings is if their needs are greater than yours as kids, your whole childhood can revolve around that. And as adults they may have worse luck or make worse decisions than you so that there isn’t equal give and take there either. So much of how you get on depends on factors that can’t be controlled.
You’re better off with a good best friend than a sibling imho. You can get a lot of the same benefits without the responsibilities.

I have a sister and a brother and while I love our shared experience of childhood I am neither really close nor really distant from either of them in adulthood. Friends are important and you should focus on these. Your brother sounds like a fairly typical brother to be honest. I actually find my brother fairly straightforward to have a relatively nice relationship with because of his minimal input in my life and vice versa. Why not ask your brother to go for a drink? Don’t fixate on the impossible.