To wish I had a sister

[Briannaco]

My mum has four sisters. They've supported each other through every stage of life.

Now in their 60s and 70s, they all go for lunch together every two weeks. They all ring each other every week and tell each other what's been happening each week, and they support each other over the phone.

They are all close to each other. However my aunts are not like that to me. I think because they have so many nieces and nephews they are not really close to any of us.

But the five sisters themselves are close.

I have no sisters. I have one older brother. If I ring him and ask him any questions or ill try to chat to him, he will just reply with one word answers. He is very untalkative and unsupportive. He never asks me about my life. It's like having no one.

I just feel like life would be so much better having a sister and I feel sad ill never have one. My mum said that her friend was saying the same thing to her the other day. My mums friend has no sisters and she said that she'd love to have a sister.

Not true, I agree with OP, I've no sisters but have brothers, we wouldn't have same relationship even though i get on well with them, my friends all have sisters and majority are closer to their sisters than brother, I'd love to have had a sister too

But you must know that many sisters don't have relationships like that. Many are like you and your brother, or worse.

I always wanted a brother. I think for every close family there is one who isn't. It is pure luck.

My mum had a sister and two brothers, none of them were close. Christmas and birthday cards and maybe see each other once a year or so.

Dad had two sisters and two brothers , the two sisters are very close, one brother they only see at weddings/funerals etc. he occasionally sees his other brother out walking.

I have one sister who lives on the other side of the country. Phone a couple times a month and see each others few times a year.

I also admire close families especially hands on parents

I have a sister and love each other lots (we just don't always show it and would rather arm punch or call each other Crap Bag 😁
Surely it goes on what relations you have with family members? Nothing to do with whether they're a sister or not

Family dynamics are hard - I believe it’s a mix of personality and shared value systems. I’m very close to my sister - a PP mentioned conditions of childhood that play a part in how close you are to your siblings - for us, we were left alone a lot whilst single mum worked - and so we only had eachother really. I also have amazing girlfriends that are as good as sisters - but I agree , there is something about a tight family that does triumph any relationship - but the truth is that has to be built and something instilled. Parents have to remind us that we stick together - and this is something that was echoed across my inner family but something that seems very important across my extended family - whenever there is an issue someone puts a WhatsApp group together and the family helps out. It’s like it’s very own eco-system - but then again, these values have to be passed down and taught - in the same way a country will have values and general rules.

I’ve made family sound quite military, but I know people who are so so close to their siblings, and as I’ve got to know them I’ve realised that it tends to be because they have that shared value system. My close friend has a brother and they travel together, look out for eachother etc - but the my were brought up to do so.

Not blaming parents but the people that I know with poor relationships with siblings tend to have childhoods were there were situations such as clear favouritism; one being treated differently to another (I know a few friends that would swear their brothers were favoured just for being a boy but their mums would deny it); personality clashes and never spending time together - another friend of mine says she has no memory of ever spending time with her sister when they were kids - there may be some trauma as she’s blanked out so much of her childhood. And personality,

Theee are many more reasons but OP, your feelings are valid. You are lucky to have a mum that you can speak too - so see that relationship as something others may not have (like me - me and my mum sent close at all!)

Can you work on the relationship with your brother? Maybe you have to find his soft spot?

Yes, just to make you feel better – I have two sisters and we aren't close at all. Never speak and only see each other at large family events. Having sisters is no guarantee of a positive relationship 😊

What? Girls can like football? No way! You have completely blown my mind. /s

Of course I know girls can like football. However, it’s very unlikely my sister would be as obsessed with it as my brother is. She would never have had the opportunity to play it herself (I never did) or had the same expectation to like it from our dad/society.

My dad and brother always got their way when I was growing up so I wish I had a female influence to balance that out more. My mum was always too passive.

I have a sister, we were close but then she did something which was very destructive to our relationship. She ended up with a man that she loves, but wrecked what we had. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. I’d definitely opt for a non complicated brother!

It's odd to me that you think the root of your loneliness is not having more siblings or siblings of a different sex. Most people don't rely on their siblings for company - it's what friends are for. I think stop wishing for a sister (who you might have hated) and focus on meeting more people in general.

I have the same non-relationship with my brother as you. My mum has two sisters and they speak a couple of times a year.

I don't think it's odd at all.

I know of lots of people who wish that they had a sister.

I have friends and acquaintances.

I feel that there is nothing quite like a sister.

One of my friends has one sister. They do everything together. They are each other's biggest supporters.

I am close to this friend, but she is much closer to her own sister than she is to me.

When i was younger i used to house share. My flatmate had a sister that used to come over. They were so close and they helped each other with so many things. With job losses , with break ups

They each had their own friends, but they were so much closer to each other than to anyone else. That is what i would have liked.

Also my mum has four sisters and I have none at all, so seeing them together supporting each other, has also built up the longing in me

Anyway I just came on for a small moan about it.

I don't spend every day wishing that i had a sister. I just would have liked one

I’m not sure it’s gender. I’m very close to my brother and we chat about all sorts. He’s a great listener actually- really calm and measured and never takes sides.

Yeah im sure that there are some great brothers out there.

But when i look at families that I know, the women chat more to their sisters than to their brothers.

I have a sister who hasn't spoken to anyone in the family for over 40 years. She will inherit half my parents estate when they die. My husband and children have never met her. She's the last person I would phone to chat with!

Yeah I'd like a " good " sister.

I'm sure there are bad sisters out there.

I don't have a sister and lots of women don't. I think in many cases it probably is amazing but then I also know women with sisters they literally never see or talk to they dislike each other so much. I have a younger brother who I adore and we are still close, I wouldn't swap him for the world. My mum has two brothers still alive and although she is fond of her younger brother they aren't close I do think it makes her sad at times.

I'm 70 and my sister is 65 - we are close.

Within my close circle of six friends I'm the only one with a sister and for me I think I'm the lucky one.

My sister is my sister, and never plays mind games or lets me down.

My mum has four sisters. They've supported each other through every stage of life.
Now in their 60s and 70s, they all go for lunch together every two weeks. They all ring each other every week and tell each other what's been happening each week, and they support each other over the phone.
They are all close to each other. However my aunts are not like that to me. I think because they have so many nieces and nephews they are not really close to any of us.

You say your mum and her sisters are close and support each other. But it sounds as if they are quite insular.

I have sisters and we are close, but that means all our kids are also more like siblings, because we include them in our lives and we support each other's families.

It's a shame your mum and siblings could not share or extend that closeness outwards. You say you have a cousin who also felt lonely. So you have the same experience, which suggests your mum and her siblings are quite exclusive.

It might be useful to think more about/unpick your wider family dynamic as a reason you might feel lonely, rather than the fact you haven't got a sister.

I get you OP.

It’s my general feeling from what I’ve observed that women are definitely closer to their sisters than opposite gender siblings. And 2 sisters are typically closer than 2 brothers

It is odd. I think there's something quite infantile and immature about a grown woman thinking the source of her loneliness and unhappiness is not having a sister. Surely you've had plenty time to accustom to not having a sister and actually focus on reality and building other meaningful relationships instead of this whingeing about something you can't change.

What happens if you had a sister who didn't live up to this mythical idea you've built her up to be?

I don't have a sister. It wouldn't even occur to me as a grown woman in my 30s to be upset about it, far less to think it's the root of all my problems. I have friends who have sisters who they don't speak to that are much closer to me than their sisters. I have friends who don't have sisters and its literally something that never comes up in conversation.

I work with elderly people and when they complain of loneliness, it's lack of friendship and community that is the big problems. I've literally never had any of them complain about lack of siblings or a sister as the root of their lonlieness.

All I can say is I think your perspective is very unusual.

I think it depends on the individual. I would like a sister too. However, my younger brother and I are quite close. We chat on the phone once a week and see each other once a month with our families despite living over two hours away.

I think her perspective is entirely normal. Nothing strange or unusual about it at all.

You also know people who have spent their whole lives yearning for a sister in the belief it would mean they weren't lonely? Gosh.

Gosh yourself. Stop being so surprised other people aren't the same as you.