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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish I had a sister

206 replies

Briannaco · 24/01/2025 16:49

My mum has four sisters. They've supported each other through every stage of life.

Now in their 60s and 70s, they all go for lunch together every two weeks. They all ring each other every week and tell each other what's been happening each week, and they support each other over the phone.

They are all close to each other. However my aunts are not like that to me. I think because they have so many nieces and nephews they are not really close to any of us.

But the five sisters themselves are close.

I have no sisters. I have one older brother. If I ring him and ask him any questions or ill try to chat to him, he will just reply with one word answers. He is very untalkative and unsupportive. He never asks me about my life. It's like having no one.

I just feel like life would be so much better having a sister and I feel sad ill never have one. My mum said that her friend was saying the same thing to her the other day. My mums friend has no sisters and she said that she'd love to have a sister.

OP posts:

fairycakes1234 · 25/01/2025 23:17

Karmacode · 25/01/2025 18:34

It is odd. I think there's something quite infantile and immature about a grown woman thinking the source of her loneliness and unhappiness is not having a sister. Surely you've had plenty time to accustom to not having a sister and actually focus on reality and building other meaningful relationships instead of this whingeing about something you can't change.

What happens if you had a sister who didn't live up to this mythical idea you've built her up to be?

I don't have a sister. It wouldn't even occur to me as a grown woman in my 30s to be upset about it, far less to think it's the root of all my problems. I have friends who have sisters who they don't speak to that are much closer to me than their sisters. I have friends who don't have sisters and its literally something that never comes up in conversation.

I work with elderly people and when they complain of loneliness, it's lack of friendship and community that is the big problems. I've literally never had any of them complain about lack of siblings or a sister as the root of their lonlieness.

Show quote history

It's not odd, and something I've noticed which you will peobably deny, my friends who I think of like sisters as I don't have any, and who tell me they're closer to me than their own sisters, when something happens in their family, ie a death, an accident, anything really, suddenly they are close again and you are back to just being the friend, no matter what you say blood is thicker than water

OliveWah · 26/01/2025 00:47

I think it's interesting that the vote is exactly 50/50, after more than 250 votes, I don't think I've ever seen that before on MN!

I have a sister, we were very close growing up, but have drifted apart a bit as adults. We speak around once a week, but text most days. It's been fascinating to me to see our big sister / little sister dynamic play out in front of my eyes in the form of my own 2 DDs. I often find myself feeling sad for my younger DD, as DD1, being older, has less interest in spending time with her younger sister at the moment, as she has a busy social life. I remember being the big sister and being irritated by my DSis always wanting to go places with me and do things together, when I just wanted to hang out with my friends. I talked to my own DSis about this recently, and she said "Yeah, you were a knob to me!", which was probably true!

Although we're not as close as we once were (she lives 300 miles away and her lifestyle is very different to my own, so we have little in common), I know that if I needed her, she would move mountains to be by my side.

I understand your desire to have a sister @Briannaco. As many PP's have said, there's no guarantee that anyone will be a "good" sibling, but it does sound like you got a pretty crappy deal with your "D"Bro. I hope one day a friend will come into your life who you will come to love, like a sister, and who will fill that void you clearly feel.

CharSiu · 26/01/2025 01:29

I have 4 sisters, I am close to 2, 1 is a nice woman but we have nothing in common and I despise the other one. If truth be told I would have chosen 1 as a friend is choice was available. I don’t live near any of them. My favourite siblings are my 2 brothers but they both moved to America.

Qwertyme · 26/01/2025 13:23

BarbadosItsCloserThanYouThink · 24/01/2025 16:53

I have a sister and we've not spoken in 2 years. She brought nothing good into my life, just drama, stress and heartache.
The idea of a sister is lovely, and your mum is very lucky. However I bet out of every 3 people you speak to with a sister 1 will have a story like mine.

Same.

I went no contact with my sister 5 years ago, just prior to the first lockdown. Before that we were low contact. I've seen her about 3 or 4 times over the last 5 years. We have both been polite but we don't really engage when we've had to been in the same room (family funerals)

Our relationship was toxic, and many times I was made to feel her behaviour/outbursts was my fault.

My life is much better without her in it, our personalities, outlook, and values are so far apart we just both rub each other up the wrong way. We might have had the same parents but our ideologies make having a relationship impossible. If we had met at school/uni/work we'd have nothing in common and I would not want to be her friend. Being related doesn't trump that.

Thingsareshit · 26/01/2025 13:36

I wish I didn’t

mbosnz · 26/01/2025 13:52

My mother is always saying the same, she had five brothers.

I had three sisters. I always wanted a big brother.

What we both wanted was a wholly fictional construct of what we didn't have.

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