She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

A little yes, but that’s not the end of the world is it?

Nowhere is 100% monocultural of course. But it's weird that some people think that the whole of the north is basically Bradford!

There are many reasons a first conversation with a fiancé may be awkward other than a language barrier. People might be nervous, have preconceived notions, carry family baggage that had nothing to do with the situation, or in my case, simply be autistic, this person is going to be part of your family. This is just one meeting and does not define your entire relationship. Yet, it must happen for the relationship to start and grow.

refusing to meet will define your entire relationship and it won’t be positive.

No indeed. Did someone say that the whole of the north is basically Bradford! I must have missed that. How silly, and what a ridiculous sweeping remark.
I see that Alnwick is about 4.4% which is quite low.

My inlaws all speak a language I don’t. If we are all at a meal sometimes someone talks to me in English or my husband translates a bit. I’ve picked some up now. Sometimes I’ll say something small. Sometimes I get a bit bored.

BIL is dating a girl with very poor English and none of the family language. She’ll do some chat in English and also play on her phone or with the kids. Or we two eat quietly.

You can compliment food or a dress without knowing much in the language. And she is learning English and you know a bit of her language so you’ll muddle through.

Go for your parents if not your brother.

You're quite right of course, but as I understand it, she's going to meet up with her now.

If you read the OP's updates, the explanation for why she speaks three languages is clear. If you grow up between two countries and one of your parents speaks a third language as their mother tongue, you will naturally have to learn those languages out of necessity. It doesn't necessarily follow that you're a natural linguist and have an amazing ability to learn other languages.

Of course it is worth meeting up and as a bonus you get to practice your language skills.

Of course you go and meet them.
Be kind and welcoming, and do remember body language speaks volumes
Google translate exists nowadays! I'm not suggesting you use it at the table
I managed to get by in France by using my olevel French from my memory bank... yes I'm old!

Speaking another language to some people means being fluent. I can hold a full conversation in Italian, face to face or by phone and write an email but with some grammatical errors, however I was been told by an Italian friend that I speak a 'little bit' of Italian, in her opinion to speak it is to be 100% fluent. To non speakers I sound fluent as hell 😂

Great. Get yourself on duolingo.’

3 languages, wow! What a clever, interesting lady. YABVU OP. How many languages do you speak?

Your friend sounds a bit... mean... to say that to you. It's not at all unusual for people to be overly harsh about their own level in a foreign language, but if you're truly speaking fluently on the phone and face-to-face with people having "full blown" conversations, albeit with a few grammatical errors, then it's rare that someone would decide you speak 'a bit' of that language. Normally it's quite the opposite "my Italian is really ropey", "not at all, you are perfectly comprehensible, the majority of Italians make loads of mistakes when speaking Italian etc. etc. "

Thank you @joliefolle I'm quite proud of myself for how far I've come with my language. My Italian friend is quite difficult, she even corrects her own family if they make mistakes too, and they are Italian!

It might be very stunted at first, but and your brother may have to translate, but that's not enough reason to not go ahead with it. You smile and nod and speak, to her, not your brother. It will be fine. There's no one assessing your performance and marking you out of ten.
A little awkwardness at first is much better than the rudeness of not going. Were you thinking of avoiding your SIL all your life? You could, if you want to, learn a couple of ppl phrases in her language to make her feel more comfortable. Find out a few facts about her country and questions you could ask. Even though it may have to be translated, it will go a long way to make her more comfortable.

Haha, maybe yes. Although she’s quite a big personality so the loudness might just be baked in. But the slowness, especially leaving gaps between words, I really value while all her family are face palming on her behalf.

My family bent over backwards to get to know my non-Engish speaking husband, including meeting and spending time with his entire non-Engish speaking family.

It won’t be hard work for you OP - just your brother. My entire ILS don’t have a word of English. I couldn’t speak theirs but I picked it up quickly. At the outset it wasn’t awkward at all. I felt welcomed.

welcome your future SIL.

You most definately are a knob, most definately 😘

Anf that's what I said in the second part of the post.

Speak slowly but not overly so pronunciate..

No need to yell.

I've. No issue with it being slow. Slow is good as long as it's not veeerrryy slow.

Highly recommend Duolingo. If you did French at school, it will get you back up to some form of speed quite quickly. I have gone from never speaking Spanish to being able to hold full on conversations in two years of practicing a little bit every day. Am I gramatically correct every time? Nope. Am I able to make myself understood in Spanish speaking countries? Yes! Not only will you learn a new skill, I think it's a really nice way to welcome her into your family.

Wow, that is really mean! I’m with someone who is not English and some of their family don’t speak English whilst I don’t speak much of their language. We still meet and go for dinner and such - yes it’s awkward as I wish I could speak their language properly but I’m getting better and I really enjoy spending time with them even if communication is difficult. Mostly because they are my partners family and thus important to him and to me. If they said they didn’t want to meet because of my language skills I would be very upset and think that they couldn’t be bothered to make an effort to get to know me. I’m sure my partner would be upset too.

I can relate OP - and all those saying YABU, have no idea what you're talking about.

We have a similar situation in relation to DH's best friend; he's been dating someone who moved to the UK from Mexico around 15 years ago. So a significant amount of time - but trying to have any sort of conversation with her is stil HARD work.

One of these is my home town actually … I think the accent causes problems too!

When I first met DH's family I struggled to understand a couple of family members at first, until I was accustomed to their accents. They were from Bedlington and Pegswood.