She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

Would second the duolingo app... It's free and fun and you can probably have some laughs about what you learn... The horse plays the piano... Or I am a butterfly. As someone in a family with sibling partners from 3 different countries, yes it might be a bit awkward but making a bit of effort would be amazing. And the feeling of welcome you can give doesn't need words.

I suspect that more than not knowing any English part of the issue is the accenr, so be patient and it will be great.

@Dannnyy My parents really want us all to go out for a meal

(Light hearted) No, your parents want an opportunity to observe and judge the new fiancée 😂

Well I meant more like maybe it's the brother or mother writing it or another relative.

Well that's nice

You're not interested in your future sister-in-law?

Do you not like your brother?

Gosh imagine if you were in her shoes. You don't speak the language of your fiancé's family well and your potential SIL can't be bothered to welcome or try to interact with you.

Perhaps your brother has said things about you or your family that has made her nervous or shy about using her English? Smiling and body language is universal and if you were in her shoes you'd hope someone would be welcoming to you.

As a foreigner who came to the UK with a C2 level of English and still struggled with daily, informal conversations, there are two things you can do to make communication easier for her:

1. Students are typically exposed to RP or American accents, so she may find it challenging to understand yours. While it might feel frustrating, the closer you can adjust your accent to standard English pronunciation, the easier it will be for her to follow.
2. She is likely more familiar with formal language, so she might feel a bit lost if you use a lot of phrasal verbs (e.g., "put off" instead of "postpone") or idioms (e.g., "pull someone's leg" instead of "joke").

My cousin has French partner and she does a lot of translation as he doesn't speak Polish and her parents don't speak English or French. You will adjust to the flow very quickly :)

Fucking hell OP. My DH's English wasn't brilliant when we met but my family still welcomed him with open arms. I did teach him to say "this is the dog's bollocks" whenever anyone gave him food so that probably helped 😅

You’re not going to have fun, you’re going to meet her. You can’t cancel because you think it will be awkward. It’s not like you will all be sat in silence. Your brother speaks her language, she is learning English. It will be fine.

Amazing.

Top AIBU of 2025 so far.

Yes this. Especially if you and your parents are Northern it can be hard to understand everything at first.

After 13 years of being with DH I can now understand his nan perfectly, even when she speaks with a broad Yorkshire accent.

From your last post, it's clear that she speaks English and that her idea of not speaking English is not speaking it to the level she speaks her other languages. She is also a human being and a shy one, so will be fluent in body language. You have started out with a bit of a dismissive attitude towards your much younger brother. Have a little think about some of your assumptions and attitudes and give them a little wobble before this dinner. I think your OP is a bit more about your family dynamic than xenophobia etc.

she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language.

So you could make the effort to communicate. How many languages do you speak fluently?

YABU.

It doesn't hurt to show willingness and friendliness to give your brother's future wife a pleasant welcome. It's quite possible to communicate across several languages in a family if people are open and willing.

If there are language barriers, I find a pack of Uno cards fab. It’s a game which needs little space or explanation and you can bond with minimal conversation. We often play at restaurants while waiting for our food.

^ This is actually a brilliant idea which I have stolen for future use

Your brother sounds really nice. It seems like you have built this up to be worse in your head than it actually is.

Most communication is non verbal.

You are communicating very clearly how you feel about her.

My brothers bride had to have a translator at their wedding. She is from Thailand. Poor woman.
Things could be worse OP.
Immersion in the language will boost her understanding and she might appreciate your effort with her. You might grow to like her too over time.

İnspired by this thread, would anyone like to have a Duolingo or language learning thread where we can check in and encourage one another?

You are being unbelievably unreasonable. Poor woman coming into a family where her future SIL sticks her nose in the air and refuses to socialise with her?!

She's a linguist - anyone who speaks three languages already has the ability to soak up another one. She's already worked to be understood in three different languages. She's making a start on yours. Can you make an effort to say hi how are you in hers?

YABU

My Ukrainian friend's husband speaks very little English. I spent time with them when they accompanied us and another couple on a trip, and he really is one of the nicest men you could ever meet! Always laughing, offering a beer, pointing out scenes that were funny or worth looking at and appreciating them together - all without the necessity of understanding a word being said. He has real personality - is someone I feel I know.

There certainly wasn't a moment of awkwardness between any of us. Sometimes language transcends words.

This is a nice thread in that you've taken the advice given and softened/changed your thinking. A very rare thing!

Quelle surprise 🙄

I'm very glad you decided to meet her. It's immensely lonely and isolating being an immigrant and small things can make a world of difference.

When I first met my now-inlaws, my MIL has a talent for languages so we chatted away in English. My FIL is quite different... we didn't share a single word of a common language. But he smiled broadly, grasped my upper arm in a warm squeeze then waggled a bottle of rosé at me to ask if I'd like a glass.

It was another year before I learned enough Dutch to get to know him properly but he never got awkward or turned cold.

I really can't express how touched I was by their welcome, I often think it was one of the solidifying reasons I made such an effort to stay (my job is remote, we could have lived anywhere).

your brother sounds lovely. It would be nice if you made the effort to speak a few sentences in French for her. I am sure she is wanting to meet you and be able to converse in English also. It sounds like you've had very limited experience with other languages and cultures? This is your chance to learn :)