She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

We actually just a had a little FaceTime, my brother said it might ease her nerves and mine. She seems lovely, accent might be more of an issue than the language itself.

They have no plans to move to the UK though, they just recently moved to Paris and seem very happy and settled.

How many languages do YOU speak?

She took the time to learn THREE, if you cannot find any way to communicate thats on your own laziness and lack of care by the sounds of it.

It has probably already been mentioned, but why don't you learn her language? Why be so selfish? She knows 3, how many do you know?

@Dannnyy Do you travel much or do you just holiday in England?

I personally don't find it an issue that OP only speaks English. What is unreasonable is her reaction to meeting her brother's fiancee. Saying meeting someone who is going to become part of your immediate family is 'pointless' that's just horrible and shows how unwelcoming and ignorant she is.

She has updated to say she has never left these shores.

If you select See All in the OP it will just show all of the OP's posts.

It takes a lot of time to learn a language to the point of making proper conversation, and as the brother and his fiancée live abroad, the need to use it is hardly ever going to arise. So it's a daft suggestion.

All that's needed is warmth, sign language, brother to translate, or your phone and Google translate. And with that warmth, giving the fiancée confidence to use the English that she has.

Wow.

She probably speaks conversational English, just can’t understand northern very well.

Wow. I am speechless

OP I think it'll be fine. I grew up in a small Scottish town where many people didn't travel much and they would have been nervous about someone coming into the family who wasn't a good English speaker, so I do get it up to a point. But she will be feeling much more apprehensive than you, so try to see it from her side. She really needs you all to reach out and make an effort here.

Personally, I would be really enthusiastic about a SIL like this young woman. I love languages and would find communicating with her really fun. You say you already speak some French, so you could brush it up a bit before the meal and have a few welcoming phrases prepared.

Incidentally, I go skiing in the Dolomites and my ski instructor was fluent in four languages plus his own local dialect. He explained that at secondary school they study - for example - History in German, Geography in Italian, and Science in Ladin, the local dialect. They may have studied French too; I'm not sure. He then went on to learn English to help in his job. So totally possible to be fluent in three without being a language scholar.

@Dutch1e your FIL sounds adorable by the way. That's a brilliant example of how to welcome someone new into the family.

Quelle surprise

YABU and YABU - you are being unpleasant.

I think on reading it all again, what's happening here is a natural personal shyness and reserved nature, plus lack of experience of travelling and meeting people from other languages and cultures, plus maybe feeling intimidated by the thought of meeting an accomplished cosmopolitan and much younger woman?

I'd say chuck yourself in! Grab a tourists guide to one of the languages, and have a drinkie and a bash at a conversation.

Make her feel welcome and that effort will make you feel good.

I lived in Switzerland for a while in my youth and yes it is entirely possible for someone to speak fluent German, French and Italian but only a little English. I suspect though the reason why your future SIL doesn't appear to speak / understand any English is your parents' heavy Northern accent which to be honest a lot of English southerners struggle to understand at times. Be patient and speak slowly and if possible with your best "telephone voice" (a neutral BBC accent). You'll be surprised how much you can understand each other. As you've never left the country, it'll be a real asset to have a relative from lovely places like Italy and France. Makes future holiday much easier to have a local as guide.

I wouldn’t bother meeting as you clearly don’t give a shit anyway.

Whyever would you not want to meet your future sister in law and get to know her?

So if she was deaf and dumb would you refuse to ever meet her because you couldn't communicate easily?

I agree, much as it might go against the grain, try moderating your own natural accent to be more standard English to help her understanding. She's doing most of the understanding work while she's in the UK.

I totally agree with this!
How bloody rude that you don't want to meet your brothers girlfriend just because she doesn't speak English!
Maybe you should go, so she can judge your attitude for herself and then tell your brother she doesn't want to meet you again!

Assuming you want an ongoing relationship with your brother, then you take the situation as it is and do the best you can. Your brother will translate and you'll also be able to communicate directly with the English she does know and gestures. There's a great deal that can be communicate in the way of warmth and welcome that doesn't require proficiency in a shared language. Her English will improve the more time she spends around English speakers and communication will become easier.

OP, I'm from a rural, insular northern town too (and from the 'mam and dad' I'm guessing one not far from you) and despite doing three languages at school I was painfully shy about speaking any of them outside the classroom let alone to a native speaker. I had a strong accent in English, so I didn't even know if I'd be understood. A French trip to Paris was not helpful in that respect...

See this as an opportunity to use the French you learned with someone who will be positive and encouraging - after all, wasn't this the whole point of those hours in class, so you could communicate with someone? She's not going to judge you - and this will be as awkward for her as for you. Making a bit of effort, and shrugging off the initial discomfort, will mean a lot.

Are you the OP? You've had a NC fail if so.

Weird because you can only use 1 name per thread. Maybe logged back in with a different account!?

It sounds like the issue is your parents assuming she can’t converse more than anything and passing that message in to you! I expect when you meet you’ll be able to get by just fine with each other.

Well done OP.

It is awkward and stilted, but you just make the best of it.

I'm glad DH's Grandparents didn't refuse to meet me because I didn't speak French nor them English.