She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

Yes, that is weird.

Answering your question about the assumption of everyone in Europe learning English in school. I am Italian and even if it is the case now, it wasn't when I was in primary/secondary. In primary/middle school half the classes were assigned English as a second language and the other half French. When I went to secondary, I picked French and German (I am from an area where German tourists are predominant). I didn't learn English until much later in life, and this is not unusual if you are over 30.

Sounds like you've worked it out, but as an aside I would look into booking a foreign holiday. It's astonishing how much communication can take place with just gestures, pointing and a few words.

Well maybe she considers you as being unreasonable because you can't speak the 3 languages that she can. You don't sound like a very welcoming person tbh and your soon to be SIL is better off not meeting you.

If you care about your family it won't be a waste of time and it should be good fun. You will get an idea of whether she is a nice person or not irrespective of her command of English. A lot of human communication is non-verbal and she is likely to have a very good passive understanding of English, even if she doesn't speak it. Before the meal, learn to exchange greetings in her native language - it will go a long way to setting her at ease. After that, just smile and enjoy the meal and let your brother translate as needed.

Communication is not just language.

Imagine being so parochial that you've never left the UK and don't want to meet a future member of the family.

Mind boggled.

Definitely worth meeting her. Her partner can translate, you'll understand at least part of what she says herself, and vice versa. Make it fun.
We have inlaws we see occasionally where there's a big language gap and it is rather hard work but perfectly OK so long as everyone relaxes.

Why not try learning how to say Hello for a start? Duolingo, and Google Translate are good apps to use.

YBU My bil could barely speak English, it would have been incredibly rude not to have met up with him on that basis.

What is her first language?

Colour me surprised you’ve never been further than your front gate.

I've made this thread, inspired by the OP, for anyone learning or wanting to learn a language...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students/5259480-a-language-learning-thread-for-all-abilities

It sounds fine, and this woman's English is probably better than she thinks by now, because of having a lot of contact with an English speaker, even if they often use other languages. Good point that strong Northern accents will make it harder for her. Hope it goes well.

I sat beside a Japanese woman this week who constantly apologised that she couldn't speak English. We had a really interesting conversation, in English.

In my experience, people who do not have English as their first language always underestimate their ability. I say this as someone who teaches English as a second language.

Have a bit of patience and show an interest in her culture. You might learn something.

I bet her level of English is much better than she is letting on.

I live in Switzerland, everyone I know is bilingual (minority language area so they have to be), lots are trilingual and many speak 4+ languages. The amount of people who say they only speak a little bit of English, then start talking in complicated sentences 😂

Be kind and patient, a smile speaks a 1000 words

And expect everyone to speak English.

But you expect her to speak a fourth language to accommodate you? 🤨

Seriously, go somewhere. Anywhere. It's not the 1850s

As a Czech citizen, therefore English not being my first language, I'm saying YANBU.
I wouldn't bother either, funnily enough.
Maybe 25 years ago, when they accommodated myself and my difficulties, everything was different.

I would still go, it will look bad if you don’t.

Most of XH family couldn’t speak hardly any English but still had an enjoyable time at gatherings with them. If she can speak 3 languages already that’s great, not many English people could!

You have a terrible attitude and you’re being very unreasonable. It is probably better you stay away as clearly you have no interest in meeting her or showing some support for your brother. I would say things will go very well with your absence. It’s not really their loss.

Let your DB translate the conversation. It works in our family even though it’s a bit of a pain for the translator. A lot is communicated with smiles, gestures and as time goes on it should get easier. I was brought up that anyone who is a bf, gf, partner or potential partner who is introduced into the family is shown they are welcome and that we all make the effort to show that they are.

Fair play to you. I wonder whether you have some anxiety about certain social situations and feeling awkward?

There was a great post above by the pp with a dh who didn't speak English - good tips there.

If mil just spoke slowly in a normal level.tone you would get it too wouldn't you?

students are typically exposed to RP or American accents, so she may find it challenging to understand yours. While it might feel frustrating, the closer you can adjust your accent to standard English pronunciation, the easier it will be for her to follow.

That resonated with me.

I have A level French and used to do French evening classes to keep up with it.

We holidayed in the south of France several years ago, and the French spoken there bore no resemblance to the French I learned at school.

For example, the way they said twenty (vingt) sounded more like vingty than vant.

What region of French are we taught here - Parisian?