She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

Wow OP she sounds accomplished and will learn English fast. You sound petty and small minded. How many languages do you speak?

Okay fair enough I'm being unreasonable.

I think a part of me is just surprised she doesn't speak English when she is from a Western European country and speaks 3 languages, I thought it was commonly taught in European schools.

Not a great attitude to have really. I’m assuming your brother speaks the same language as her and can translate? A friend of mine is married to an English man who doesn’t speak her native language, and her family don’t speak English. They have managed for years, and he has a good relationship with them.

YABU, your reasons for not going are crap.

Of course the conversation will be stunted/awkward. But not so awkward that you can't even sit through one meal!

How many weeks of classes/what level of qualification will be considered worthy of your time?

Ps in my experience, whenever anyone says they "don't speak any English" they've always meant "my English is much better than your GCSE French".

Where is she from?

YABU also for your verging on xenophobic comments implying that your brother’s GF - who speaks several languages - should know English! Do you speak other languages?

For what it's worth I'd find it awkward, I'm not as good at non-verbal communication as other people, but for the sake of a family member I'd make the effort.

@NormaleKartoffeln

She grew up between France and Northern Italy, her dad is Swiss German.

If someone has a baby, would you refuse to meet it until it could talk on the grounds that 'it'll be awkward if it doesn't speak English'?

We have family that live in another European country of which I dont speak the language.

I'd be pretty hurt if some of our relatives said there was no point in us going visiting as we dont speak the language.

What happens is people who speak both their language and English translate for us and its always lovely to see them all.

You're judging someone for speaking the 'wrong' three languages?

I think you need to have a think about why you have such an issue about this situation.

Some do choices. Not everyone has English. I did English, my friend did German. She does not speak English past "hello, how you?".
Like not everyone in UK speaks French, innit

When Gernan people say they don't speak English it means either of two things - they do speak it, very well, OR they really don't because they were brought up in a time when Russian was the second language and any English they were taught has never really been used.
One of my favourite actors started a video by apologising for his 'bad English' because he was 'from East Berlin' but then went on to speak very good English, albeit with an accent. He is technically from East Berlin however was 7 or 8 at the time of unification and would have learnt English at school.
I realise this is an aside.....🤣

I can as someone who is married to a dh who doesn't speak my mother tongue.

Smiles.
Shake her hand/ hug on meeting
Lifting up dishes towards them and offering
She may not know the word for Good/great but she (and you) will likely understand Magnifique so use that to show you enjoyed it. Some words are more universally known.

Open body language not hunching up in a corner during dinner. Relaxed position.

Make eye contact when she tries to commuicate with you. Look at her when she speaks even if you have to wait for your brother to translate. Once bro has translated look at her as you reply. You are having a conversation with her not bro.

And you know show her silly penguin shorts dog cat whatever floats your boat for funny if she likes it too.

Dont speak slowy and loudly. Its so weird. And doesn't make the person understand ypu any better.
Speak slower when you use the language you know a bit but not excessively so. Like when you want to clearly pronounce something.

Don't do an exaggerated point towards your mouth as if asking if she is hungry it comes across as patronising.

Be open minded. One of my close friends married a Japanese woman. For their wedding her family and I were in the same hotel they spoke no English I no Japanese we managed as we were both willing.

A lot is your attitude. My family love dh we have been married 34 years next week. He has learned some of my 1st.language mainly a beer please and mother in law. My family like him.

This. Make an effort.

Blimey !!! Maybe OP you could just shout louder in English if she doesn’t understand? Surely that’s how the Brits do it best!?

Why on earth should all other nations learn English? Times have changed .

Or you could smile, laugh use facial expressions, gestures, brother translating . And maybe even learn a few words of her language. Like “I’m pleased to meet you, how are you? “

How many languages do you speak?

You're xenophobic.

My grandfather's third wife was effectively the only grandmother I knew growing up.

Neither of us spoke the same language. To compound it, my grandfather didn't speak her language and she didn't speak his (don't ask me how that really worked as being married is a whole different level!). They were together more than 15 years before he died.

It didn't matter. We had conversations despite this. It sounds crazy but we did. And we understood each other despite the language difference.

It's surprising how much communication is non verbal and how little of another language you need to be able to understand meaning. Stuff like emphasis and body language is hugely important.

You have nothing to lose by meeting up. You could learn a lot. It might be a disaster. But your brother will appreciate it and she's more likely to see a benefit to learning English if you do meet.

Honestly I find your tone and comments exceptionally narrow minded and bigoted.

Wow. Sounds like you’re already jealous of your SIL and looking for reasons not to engage.

How nasty. Be a better person OP.

Completely unreasonable. Life is not always about what you want to get out of it. We have to do things we don’t want to do at times.

Try and empathise. Imagine you’re her in this situation and what you might need to feel comfortable, safe and connected.

A warm smile and a hug can go a long way into welcoming someone but simply turning up is the best start and the most respectful thing to do.

You sound like Nigel Farage

She is still a human being!! If they ever have children with your attitude you won’t be able to complain if they cut you out completely.