To be annoyed with teacher re inappropriate language

[shoogalypeg]

My DD 8 has an ongoing feud with a girl in her class which came to a head today so DD and her friend got told off for arguing with the girl (no issues there, I don’t know how teachers cope dealing with the petty stuff kids fight about) the problem is she told the girls to “stop being bitchy”

my issue is:

1. This is totally unprofessional language for a teacher to be using
2. Sexist language like this has no place in schools

now do I have a word with this teacher directly and risk getting things escalating (we’ve had issues in the past) or should I go directly to the headteacher to deal with it.

(for what it’s worth DD doesn’t tell fibs and is BEGGING me not to say anything as she fears reprisals from this teacher)

OP, it’s absolutely fine for you to raise this with the teacher, it wasn’t appropriate language for her to use and she should be reminded of that.

You will always get teachers on MN telling you to never question a teachers conduct because long hours/ stress/ too much work etc, you’ll be ‘that parent’ blah blah.
They’re not saints and they can be accountable for their actions.

Of course bitchy is a term used predominantly and negatively in relation to women and girls.

Of course it wasn't an ideal phrase, but have you never been exasperated and said something less than ideal?
Quick word with teacher perhaps, but some understanding too.

Is English her second language? I don't think everyone would realise bitchy is considered a swear word by some.

FWIW you sound like you whip your daughter up a bit with all this drama and you speak as if you have hidden cameras in the room and know the ins and outs of every movement this teachers child makes.

This! Absolutely.

I'm not worried about the teacher 'being knackered'

@shoogalypeg " doesn’t help that this girl is the daughter of one of the teaching staff so she gets away with murder!!"

Yeah-course she does.

It is a very commonly used word. Should the teacher have used it? No.
However, it does sound like you care more about getting back at the teacher for saying something not very flattering about your daughter, than you do about the word itself.

This is reported by an 8 year old, who was being told off and clearly not for the first time. Doesn't mean it didn't happen, but it's reasonable to ask a few more questions and find out more before that step.

@littleblackcat247 that's the thing though. Many of us are actually very worried about the ' teachers being knackered'. Education is the backbone of the country. It keeps children safe from harm on a daily basis and supports parents as well as their children. In countless ways. We are worried about ' teachers being knackered' because they are leaving in droves, often to lower paid jobs. I witnessed a fellow colleague have a stroke during a staff meeting. Her consultant attributed it to work related stress. Ofsted has been named as a contributory factor in eight or ten teacher deaths, can't quite remember the exact number. A young Teacher who lived in the town next to mine jumped off a bridge a few years back and her parents said it was the pressure in her role as head of department. The school was taken to court.

So yes. Any decent human being should be worried about the physical and mental health of teachers.

Ooh, the emergence of “that parent”.

Excellent post and so true. I am another of those teachers who after 30 years at the chalk face had to concede that the job I once loved, was killing me.
I was an emotional mess when I left and it has taken over a year to heal from the stress. I too work in a lower paid job now but my non-working hours are my own, I now sleep at night and don't feel sick at the thought of going to work.
I loved being a teacher but the system ground me down. I never thought I'd be anything other than a teacher. I know several contemporaries who have also left the profession. I worry for our children.

Whilst I do have some sympathy for teachers in this current climate I can’t help but feel that if you can’t handle the heat then get out of the kitchen, which they’re doing in droves and this leaves mostly hardened, jaded individuals who have no business working with children.

My DD is my priority and despite the assumptions of many in this thread, I AM addressing her behavioural issues.

I guess this leads onto another question, what can parents do to improve things that doesn’t involve ignoring unprofessional behaviour from teachers?

(I’ve started a new thread as it feels like once a thread has reached a certain point folks don’t bother to read previous responses so it becomes a repetitive/unproductive conversation)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5259627-parents-v-teachers

Maybe your daughter should stop being bitchy FFS. Christ. It's parents like you....

You lost me at 'my child doesn't tell fibs'.

Every single child I've ever had in a classroom has fudged the truth from time to time. Every. Single. One.

Thank goodness you left the profession.

Your internalised misogyny and rudeness has no place in a classroom.

@ItsJustADream you do realise Teachers play a role in the classroom? They are acting all day, really bloody well! It's not their real personality. I might be the rudest, most msyoginistic person on Gods earth but I will tell you something - I was ace in that classroom. Outstanding GCSE results above national average every year. Students loved me and confided in me. The amount of disclosures I have had because the teens trusted me is unreal.

You need to put a bloody helmet on too

I think you'll come across as a bit of a loon if you complain using this angle, to be honest.

Was it an appropriate term to use at 8 year olds? No. Can I think of another word that better fits this kind of behaviour between girls than that one off the top of my head? Also no.

Is this language, whether you like it or not, a very common phrase used in this country for this kind of behaviour between girls? Yes.

Seems like you're reacing to take offence for the wrong reasons.

You have no idea, do you?

I'm sorry, the comment in itself would not annoy me as much as ongoing aggro between your daughter and classmate would.

Absolutely not unfortunately, with the girls being worse than the boys.

When one facepalm isn't enough.

OMG. You're one of those. Please get a grip.

Interesting deflection. Do you have a point to add or...

(for what it’s worth DD doesn’t tell fibs and is BEGGING me not to say anything as she fears reprisals from this teacher)

your daughter is "BEGGING" you not to go in because she has something to hide..

Your child doesn't tell fibs ??? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

No, that is not what happened at all. I told my Y11s to stop being bitchy, in a jokey way, because they were being bitchy to each other. They laughed and tried to wind me up by saying it was a swear word, so I gave them the dictionary definition to prove them wrong. They accepted my defence and carried on on their way. Not exactly the same as my "use of the word being questioned". Nor did I say the word being used to a much younger child was fine - I actually said it was "not ideal". I just don't think it's worth getting het up about.

Your DD has found the button to press with you to deflect your attention from her behaviour. Common pre-teen behaviour and, by being drawn in, you are risking being seen by others to also be operating at this level.

If DD understands what she has done wrong, which is very likely given that the teacher used a very direct term to describe her behaviour, without leaving any room for misunderstanding, and she (DD) is trying to move on then put this one behind you and deal with the next issue that comes along.

If DD genuinely doesn’t understand what she needs to do to improve her behaviour (remembering that she is the only child whose behaviour you should be concerned about), then arrange to meet in a constructive way so that you and the school can plan to work together so she receives the support she needs to develop whatever skills or understanding she is lacking.