To be annoyed with teacher re inappropriate language

[shoogalypeg]

My DD 8 has an ongoing feud with a girl in her class which came to a head today so DD and her friend got told off for arguing with the girl (no issues there, I don’t know how teachers cope dealing with the petty stuff kids fight about) the problem is she told the girls to “stop being bitchy”

my issue is:

1. This is totally unprofessional language for a teacher to be using
2. Sexist language like this has no place in schools

now do I have a word with this teacher directly and risk getting things escalating (we’ve had issues in the past) or should I go directly to the headteacher to deal with it.

(for what it’s worth DD doesn’t tell fibs and is BEGGING me not to say anything as she fears reprisals from this teacher)

This is really helpful advice, thank you

I’ll try have an informal chat with the teacher on Monday 🙏

Why would you undermine the teacher and run to the head?
Maintain an adult relationship and ask to speak to the teacher to check information is correct.
This might then allow concerns to be raised.

I imagine the headteacher has more important matters to deal with and will suggest that you direct your issue to the class teacher in the first instance.

I'm not sure that what your daughter needs is for you to completely ignore her part in this ongoing feud and have a go at getting the teacher having to deal with the pair of them into trouble.

If it happened, I'm sure that the other parent will be told and will be pushing for the teacher to be suspended, thereby preventing her child from getting any consequences for her behaviour. Maybe taking a breath and not giving the other child and her mother a weapon to use to further their advantage would actually be a more gratifying set of circumstances?

You know 'Well, you're telling me your daughter was sworn at by her teacher, but @shoogalypeg hasn't said anything about it. Are you sure that this actually happened?'

I can see how someone might say that when they're pretty exasperated.
In my day it was quite common. But we know now any negative word that would not be used for a male is inherently sexist.
I think if your overall impression of the teacher is they are good then maybe don't bother.
If not you could just take her side quickly and say that you try not to see words like 'bitch/bitchy' as it can be seen as sexist. I'm sure she'll not do it again near your child if you mention it gently.

Absolutely!

Why is everyone jumping on the OP?! Because she doesn’t have a perfect sanguine little sweetie pie of a daughter?!

Girl relationships are tough (wait til they get to year 7, like my DD, it’s an absolute minefield). Using sexist and inappropriate language whilst also telling kids they HAVE to get on is a terrible solution

With any luck this will be the last straw for her and she will go off sick.
But at least you will have challenged sexism.
Well done you!

Oh I gave my DD a good telling off today as I’ve told her to stay away from this kid and stop falling for her nonsense, hopefully it sticks this time

Get a grip

excellent contribution to the discussion👌

Your daughter is begging you not to say anything. There are any number of potential reasons for that.

Either you run to the teacher and complain about a word said in frustration, and have your DD not confide in you again, or you recognise that the word is really not that important, focus on the situation that led to the teacher's frustration, and keep the trust of your child.

My DCs teacher said this to a class of Y6s this week. I don’t find it sexist, some kids are bitchy, even boys. I didn’t complain about it because she’s human and was probably at the end of her tether with all the DCs bullshit and bad behaviour. So I wouldn’t complain in your case either OP. Maybe speak to the teacher directly in person to say you didn’t appreciate it to give her a chance to reflect.

It’s not the worst thing a teacher could say and for the sake of really upsetting your daughter I would just leave it. It sounds like the teacher had a hard day and was fed up with the two arguing and being bitchy towards each other, she probably could do without a bollocking from the headteacher.

she’s EIGHT!!
Yeah and?
I have worked with enough eight year old girls to know that they can be mean girls and indeed bitchy and catty with each other. Quite frankly when they fall out they can be a pain in the ass!
Girls at that age fall out very differently from boys at the same age. Indeed at most ages the way the sexes fall out is different.

It wasn’t the best choice of word. She was trying to resolve it, presumably not for the first time. Give her a break.

I think it is fair to raise it with the teacher. Be prepared that your daughter might not be lying but could still have got the wrong end of the stick.

I once announced a Maths competition and then was, about ten minutes later, teaching about Upanayana ceremonies (a Hindu boys coming of age ceremony). A girl asked if she could do it and I said it was only for boys. Then she went home and complained I'd set up a Maths competition only for boys.

I have had a child complain that I was giving out maps with the N-word (Niger, on a map of Africa).

It might not be something like this with your daughter but it might be. The headteacher won't know! And if your daughter has got the wrong end of the stick, then a good teacher would want to clarify it for her.

"My DD 8 has an ongoing feud with a girl in her class which came to a head today"

This is the problem you have to deal with before worrying about a teacher's choice of words.

you need to leave this one alone OP. the teacher probably thought 'crap i shouldnt have said that' straight after. people make mistakes at work and dont need telling off everytime.

Another one of "those parents" who make the life of a teacher so miserable

I'm very shocked by some of the responses on here to be honest. I'm a primary teacher (Year 3 and Deputy). I wouldn't be happy about hearing any teacher use words like this in front of, never mind TO a child (no matter how knackered...and believe me, we are ALL knackered!)

However...as others have pointed out, it could have been simply an unfortunate lapse of judgement 'in the moment', so I probably wouldn't go in all guns blazing to the head teacher. I would definitely address it directly with the teacher though, and get assurances off them that this wouldn't happen again.

When I saw the OP title, I thought that at minimum, the teacher called her a little shit.

Eight year old girls often ARE bitchy. And friendship fall outs are constant and infuriating to deal with, because it's all 'she said/she said'

You're deflecting

I think to get the best out of people it helps to put yourself in their shoes. If this is the only mistake she's made, probably every one of us can put ourselves in this teacher's shoes.

I agree the problem with the other girls is the issue I'd want to address.

Ref the word bitchy all I'd say is directly to my own child, ' alot of people use that word to describe behaviour that is unkind and involves doing or saying things that are unkind. I think it's a bit sexistsso don't use it myself. '

If she asks what sexism is then a good opportunity to teach her now.

Talk to the teacher first off

secondly it may be true she doesn’t deliberately lie or tell fibs but truth is very subjective and her version of events is just that her perception and that doesn’t necessarily make it factually correct - it often doesn’t