To be annoyed with teacher re inappropriate language

[shoogalypeg]

My DD 8 has an ongoing feud with a girl in her class which came to a head today so DD and her friend got told off for arguing with the girl (no issues there, I don’t know how teachers cope dealing with the petty stuff kids fight about) the problem is she told the girls to “stop being bitchy”

my issue is:

1. This is totally unprofessional language for a teacher to be using
2. Sexist language like this has no place in schools

now do I have a word with this teacher directly and risk getting things escalating (we’ve had issues in the past) or should I go directly to the headteacher to deal with it.

(for what it’s worth DD doesn’t tell fibs and is BEGGING me not to say anything as she fears reprisals from this teacher)

I agree!!

WOW!!

I’m no militant feminist but I’m astounded at how many mumsnet users are oblivious to how the word “bitchy” is sexist!

A HLTA who taught classes as cover said Ffs (under her breath, but it was still heard) to my daughter once when my daughter wanted to fill up her water bottle. She's also said it to another child which my daughter overheard again. I let it go as you've got to pick your battles. I am going to have to deal with my child's school for several more years to come so I am saving the headteacher complaints for when I really need it.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!

Why not concentrate on sorting out your 8-year old's bad behaviour before picking fault with her teacher?

I imagine, by the way, that an ongoing feud between two girls will involve quite a bit of bitchiness, and I don't think it is misogynistic in the slightest to describe it as such.

How about backing the teacher up rather than undermining her?

If the teacher got to the point of pointing out your child was being bitchy to her perhaps the problem is your child’s behaviour and that’s who needs talking to not the teacher most likely at the end of their tether ?

There is a world of difference between calling someone (anyone, any age) 'a bitch' and describing behaviour as 'being bitchy' which is used to describe the behaviour and applies to males and females. Your poor daughter.

8 year old is not a teenager! Did you read the post?

@MeTooOverHere yes I did. But you clearly didn't read my follow up.

Found the teacher!

I think you're the one who's oblivious here - 'bitch' and 'bitchy' have become almost entirely disconnected in meaning over the past twenty years or so.

Bitchy is a word to describe spiteful and vindictive behaviour, derived from the word bitch originally to imply typical 'female' behaviour, but it is now commonly used to describe behaviour demonstrated by both men and women and has lost its connection to explicitly female behaviour.

Language changes over time. It is no longer accurate to call the word bitchy sexist, as the connotation of sexism it once carried is no longer part of the way the word is used in everyday conversation.

@MeTooOverHere I literally said I was a Teacher!

Does anyone remember the good old days when your teacher ‘told you off’ and you pretty much knew you had done wrong and the last thing you wanted was your mum and dad to find out so you kept quiet?

Yeah, I miss those days too.

Nowadays, you get the usual ‘my child never lies’, the teacher is mates with the child mum, I’m going to speak to the head blah blah blah.

A few years ago, a mum at my child’s school had a good rant on Facebook about how her child had been singled out, how she was a victim, how she was taking the situation further - again blah blah blah, Next day, she marched into our head teacher’s office and - radio silence.

Why? They explained what had happened, explained what role her ‘angel’ had played and why she had been reprimanded. Turns out it wasn’t what her child had reported back to her.

So, why can’t parents let the professionals (ie teachers) deal with the situation in their workplace? Why do they immediately believe their children rather than the adult who would most likely not use the word ‘bitchy’?

Meanwhile, the Facebook group ‘Life after teaching - exit the classroom and thrive’ has over 170,000 members.

The word ‘birch’ refers to a female dog but the use of it as an adjective has nothing to do with having the qualities of a female dog. I would argue it’s a fairly common word to describe certain behaviours demonstrated by either sex. If you dislike the gendered animal approach, maybe suggest the teacher use ‘catty’ in future. 🙄

I just couldn’t get worked up about this. It’s not the best choice of word for someone to use when speaking to an 8 year old but I live with one and sometimes they can drive the calmest person mad!

To err is human, to forgive divine. 😇

I don’t think teaching an 8 yo to ignore people she doesn’t like is a good life lesson. I meet people who are annoying every day, if I ignored them all I’d be sacked and probably friendless.

on the fence on the word bitchy. I see both sides. But I’d be wanting to talk to the teacher about how to get these girls in a position where they can coexist, rather than her language.

If she’d said stop acting like a pair of twats then I would have agreed with you, but I couldn’t get worked up over “bitchy”. It wasn’t even a swear word in my world, my nan used to say it all the time. She basically told them to stop being nasty. Boys can be bitchy too.

What outcome are you hoping for from speaking to the teacher, OP?

And what damage do you feel has been done by her use of the word in this instance?

I am not saying this to goad you. I genuinely think you need to carefully consider these two questions before you act.

The risks of you speaking to the teacher are that you upset and humiliate a potentially already stressed out individual. I assume you won't want to risk that unless there is a clear benefit that you feel may come from your proposed actions.

Raise the language with the teacher when you ask her how you can support her in resolving the behavioural problems with your DD and the other child.

I’ve worked in customer services where I’ve been sworn at repeatedly and even threatened and I’ve not ONCE used this kind of language with a customer.

I’ve worked in schools where this is the response to the request to take a coat off.

I would let it go. Teachers have a very tough job these days. What would you expect to gain!?!

@40andlovelife

What a perfect post! I’m an ex Teacher thank God, and know everything you wrote to be 100% true, and I agree with everything you wrote.

Same here

And people like you are part of the reason so many people unfairly malign teachers. Calm down and get ahold of yourself.

When I was a child, teachers taught.

Now a teacher has to be: a social worker, safeguarding watchdog, behaviour manager, statistician, administrator, resource creator, healthy living champion, etc, etc, and more often than not the scapegoat or whipping boy/girl for whatever SLT (senior management) have ballsed up this time. And let's not forget potentially being the victim of some ridiculous accusation than can ruin their lives completely even though they are totally innocent. Oh I forgot, ocasionally teachers also get to teach...

Oh, nearly forgot that being assaulted several times every school day was the complete norm in some schools too.

And you're worried about 1 word...

As you might be able to tell, I used to be a teacher. I did a career change, taught for a few years and then cut my hours in half and doubled my pay by going back to my old job. I loved teaching but education in the UK is toxic beyond belief.

If the girls were being bitchy then that's what it was. What's wrong with telling them?

It's not swearing or inappropriate?