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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

680 replies

Bellanova · 22/01/2025 06:53

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

OP posts:
Branwells77 · 27/01/2025 23:06

OP I have just caught up with your replies, I am so sorry you are going through this wishing you and your little one all the best for the future and remember non of this is your fault he’s the one at fault don’t you ever doubt that for a second.

Sprinklecake97 · 27/01/2025 23:11

He wasn't that messed up to get her instagram
though was he? And the fact he didn't even delete her should tell you everything.

BusyMum47 · 28/01/2025 07:06

@Bellanova Does it even matter if they had penetrative sex or not?? He did hard drugs, spent the night with a stranger & was the willing recipient of 2 blow jobs!! The pathetic 'Oh, but I was under the influence' excuse doesn't cover the following morning!!
No. Just no. You wouldn't see me for dust.

Are you really going to stay with him??

namechangeGOT · 28/01/2025 07:08

BusyMum47 · 28/01/2025 07:06

@Bellanova Does it even matter if they had penetrative sex or not?? He did hard drugs, spent the night with a stranger & was the willing recipient of 2 blow jobs!! The pathetic 'Oh, but I was under the influence' excuse doesn't cover the following morning!!
No. Just no. You wouldn't see me for dust.

Are you really going to stay with him??

Read the thread!

Itsyourwifeymacrid · 28/01/2025 09:12

YerArseInParsley · 25/01/2025 23:27

Isn't oral sex enough? Of course they had sex but even if they didn't he was going to and he let her give him head. He's been all over her, there's no way she kept her underwear on. And he has the cheek to follow her and u don't want to leave him?
He's done it once and you've shown him he can do what he wants.

I put something similar to this the other day and I got well slammed for it off people on here thinking she should let him walk all over her,your so right tho once hes done it and she's allowed it then he will keep doing it now,it was maybe the part where I said she needs more respect for herself which I think she does,if he doesn't respect her then she needs to herself

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