DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

[Bellanova]

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

OP I'm heartbroken for you. Others have given some excellent advice about how to cope going forward, so I'll just wish you strength and all the best in the coming days and weeks.

To those posters speculating on what he did or didn't do - how on earth do you think this helps the OP? She's likely devastated right now, she doesn't need fresh images being planted in her mind!

As subsequent OP posts show, he has done this numerous times. The women are irrelevant, he is a serial cheat and OP needs to remove him from her life, not tangle herself in anger towards someone who her husband has used as a wank-sock and likely doesn't give two shits about.

I'm so sorry op , somebody must have threatened to tell you for him to confess.

Stay strong. Don’t feel lonely, there’s lots of us thinking about you.

Yeah, I've seen the updates now. So, so awful.

For sure

So sorry op. He is disgusting.

Hey Op .
Sorry to hear your story ..That’s a massive hurt … It’s a Shame really, as you have mentioned , all in all , ye are happy ..
Ye are married with a young baby ..
Is he a nice , caring man , good husband , good dad as a rule ?, like are you shocked at his behaviour?.. Do you think it could be one crazy night on holidays that he geuinely , geuinely wishes ,never , ever happened?
If so , maybe try marriage counselling, if you would like to see if it there is a way you can get past this & learn to trust him again before calling it a day …
Whatever you decide , go with your gut …
I hope you feel happy & content again soon , whichever path you take x

Please read all of OP's posts. He's cheated multiple times and even filmed it at least once.

If you don't have time to read the whole thread, could you at least just read the OP's updates? Since her first post, she's found out that her H has cheated on her with other women too, and has their nudes on his phone, and even a vid of him having sex with one of them.

I’m afraid I can’t see the updates, all I can see is the original post where OP says she is stunned & generally they are very happy , how come I can’t see the updates I wonder !

They’re all there, have you used the see all function?

Thank you PP for making me aware of the updates from OP..
I hope you have a supportive Family & Friends OP…You need to leave this man .. I know you can’t see it now , things will get better though, …If you stay it will destroy you ….
You deserve to be happy & there are nice men out there , you are still lovely & young …
Take one day at a time & when you feel ready , maybe go and chat to a counsellor..
Your husband is a man who should never date anyone , not to mind marry , he should always remain single …
You will be okay , but you do need to leave him or you 💯 won’t be …
Xx

No , where is the see all function , sorry if I sound stupid 🙈

I see where see all is now , thanks PP ..
I’ve read all the posts ..

I agree.

Does he want to hurt you?

I mean it's good he gave you all of the details but adding the bit about the BJ the next morning? I mean was that needed? I guess so if you wanted the full story.

He could have deleted her from Instagram too.

Also the work guy doesn't seem impressed (nor disgusted either) but he doesn't seem interested either way about the bragging.

Sorry now read the updates.

He's ruined your future like you had planned.

Ruined yours and dc lives for sex?

I wouldn't be able to look at him again?

Now you will have to share your baby with him?

I don't know what to say I honestly don't.

OP if your husband works in i gaming it's a very small interconnected industry, people talk and reputation matters. Unfortunately late nights and parties are common in this sector. However his reputation will be severely impacted by this from a professional point of view as many of these employers are big international, family friendly and dei inclusive firms. I know it's the least of your concerns but there will be some just deserts for him too.

I hope you're doing as well as possible OP. I have been thinking about you

GTFO, ASAFP!

How would your current husband respond if this was you...and your work trip and your coke experience and you'd 'only' been intimate with someone once drink and then again sober and now you follow that hottie online ? Hmmm.
You know these actions have broken your marriage apart. Trust gone. I couldnt and wouldnt stay. It's a horrible dreadful thing he's done. He's told you because you would know anyway, not out of any misplaced loyalty or guilt.

You know. Now you need to move forwards with your life without him. Do it cleanly and with financial clarity for your child. He may be a father to your child without being in a relationship with you.

There are many of us who have moved on from unfaithful husbands raised our children and are now happy. It's not easy, initially, change never is...but you and your child are worth it.

In a way im glad you've seen this....because now there can be no doubt or second guessing. Imagine trying to make it work and all that anxiety building up everytime he goes away for work. Life is short, and You are still young and have a whole life ahead of you.

Dont take him back, go grieve and heal xx

And, if she does this will be a repeating pattern. Years ago my 22 year old pal stayed with a cheating husband... He was continuously unfaithful for the next 20 years...

My guess, he had sex with her but thinks OP will stay if it's 'only' oral sex...

Does it matter whether he "only" had oral sex?
He's cheated. No need for further explanation.
Up to you what you do next