DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

[Bellanova]

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

There are 650 posts. OP has posted ten times since her original post.

Did you not think it might be checking out at least OP's posts in such a long thread, before posting?

If you had then maybe you wouldn't have written such a dismissive post and instead shared something vaguely supportive or empathetic.

FFS OP! He had his penis in another woman's mouth, no doubt absolutely loving it and ejaculating in her mouth!! How is that not cheating?? Ask him how he'd feel if you went out, got high on cocaine and sucked off some hot af bloke! You can guarantee he'd consider it cheating. He'll do it again. He's remorseful now and that might last a while but as soon as he's comfortable and back in your good books, he'll be out looking for another hottie to stick his penis in. Harsh I know but true.

Oh my god I wish people would see that a thread has 650 replies, including 10 updates from OP and consider whether the thread might have moved on a bit...!

There are so many posts of women finding out their partner has cheated and then still stayed with them. So what is the point of posting if you are adamant you won’t end things?

I don’t care if it sounds dismissive. I’m not going to waste time giving supportive advice to someone who is going to just accept their partner has been with someone else.

I have now seen later updates and surprise, surprise, he’s done more than he originally said. Which is what a lot of people who have put similar posts to mine thought all along.

@TwinklySquid

I don’t care if it sounds dismissive. I’m not going to waste time giving supportive advice to someone who is going to just accept their partner has been with someone else.

But you're happy to waste time giving them not supportive advice? When you believe they won't take it?

Doesn't make much sense does it.

Dont get your knickers in a twist pet! Who's got time to read thru every msg?

Nor does replying to my post or expecting people to read 600+ previous posts.

Sometimes the best advice is the realistic/harsh advice. I say this from experience.

if you feel so passionate about this, why don’t you do a running commentary as opposed to adding nonsense to an already long thread?

@TwinklySquid

👍🏻

You can read just OP's posts rather than the whole thread before posting if you want to be relevent

I assume you’ve also tagged other people who haven’t read all the updates too. Or is it just me who has the pleasure of your input?

Not all of them no, there were so many but yes I did suggest other people look at all of OP's posts - you would have known that if you had read more of the thread.
However, it was intended as a helpful suggestion as not everyone is aware of the option on threads
Still, if you want to take it as a personal insult then just do whatever makes you happier

1. read the OP’s posts
2. take them into account before replying. Feel for OP, she’s not been back and I don’t blame her.

I’m so sorry OP. I can see from your messages how much you wanted to be able to get through this “indiscretion” and how you so wanted it to be a one off. I know it must hurt so much right now but I’m so glad you know the full extent of his betrayal. He sounds horrendous.
Please seek support from loved ones. Don’t face this alone. Xx

You don't need to read every message but at least read the OPs. It's not hard to click the button

Bit much 😂

Did someone have a bad day by any chance?

I am not sure what’s idiotic about reading the OP’s updates? Surely that’s the whole point?
In this case the situation moved quite quickly, the OP was clearly devastated and not returned.
However, in many threads, especially longer ones there can be a lot of developments and the OP returns several times for support.
The fact is sometimes an OP will return after reading the posts after many days, will often feel a sense of support even if they don’t feel like updating constantly.
What difference does it make if you read the OP’s posts? A lot.

And by the way @sparepantsandtoothbrush that wasn’t aimed at you at all. I’m just joining in after your response.

Didn't realise there was a point! It's just venting on the Internet isnt it! I was correct in my original post about the hubby so what's the problem?? Get over yourself.

The problem/point is it had moved on since the original post so there was no point in you replying to that without reading the updates 🤷🏻‍♀️

As for "Get over yourself". Are you 12?

There is no problem tho! And also absolutely no point to any of it! It's strangers venting on the Internet! Some woman implying a blow job somehow isn't cheating. I just saw it and replied. What's the big deal?? Oh wait, there isn't one. And yeah, get over yourself. Oh wait, you don't like that either..take yourself off for a lie down.

Some people on here have been REALLY triggered at suggestions they RTFT or even just OP's posts.

I agree you were correct about the husband. And I am fine with myself, thanks.
You sound really upset for some reason.
I am not on the habit of getting into ‘agg’ with anyone, especially on the internet.
We are all entitled to our own opinions, you are right on that, too.
So if I have upset you in any way, I apologise.
MN is a place to support each other. There’s enough going on in the world that’s confrontational right now.
So it’s a new day. Hope you have a good one. And I hope wherever she is OP is okay because she’s had a terrible time.

Wow. Is this how you are in real life, or just on the internet?