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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

680 replies

Bellanova · 22/01/2025 06:53

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

OP posts:
EPN · 25/01/2025 15:32

God I'm so sorry . What a fucking piece of shit he is. He must think he's kids fucking gift. I would be outing him everywhere I can. What a disgusting person.

EPN · 25/01/2025 15:35

And with a 9 month old. Make sure you keep front and centre in your head that this had happened because he is a piece of shit and you have to never feel like you are in anyway culpable. This is all on him and he is nothing but a liar, a fake, a ruiner and an utterly inadequate piece of shit

Scottsy200 · 25/01/2025 15:52

Nope he’s a liar and chest and a bad liar at that he clearly knew he couldn’t lie for shit and you’d know something was up so tried to make up something that didn’t sound as bad as full sec when actually he sounds even worse than. A quick bang doesn’t it

you can never trust this man again, if this is the first time he’s done it then he’s broke the deal and if you forgive him he’s got away with it which is just a license to do it again

Branwells77 · 25/01/2025 15:59

How can you stay with him after all of this.
Even if he didn’t have sex with her which I don’t believe for a second he has cheated on you, why would you stay with him, if you do stay which I think you are going to you will never trust him again and I honestly don’t know how you could ever be intimate with him again.

Scottsy200 · 25/01/2025 16:03

I’ve just read all your replies OP, I’m so sorry, the exact same thing happened to me, my ex admitted to cheating just once felt awful blah blah blah I didn’t believe him and go into imhis Facebook account, loads of girls messaging sexually, sending dick pics to all and sundry it was clear he had cheated way more than once. We split, a few months down the line once of his friends ex wives co rescued me to tell me he had basically been cheating for the last 7 years, he was a prolific cheat, cheated on me on Stag Do’s etc, one of the stag dos he even went round the house of the girl he slept with and took pictures of himself with all her photos around the house and sent them to his mates almost like a trophy. Honestly what kind of man does that when they have a family at home. Unfortunately we weren’t married, I only say unfortunately because he evicted me and his daughter and step son that he had raised for 7 years out of our family home which he owned and we ended up in emergency council housing of a shockingly bad hotel room where ex cons and druggies are put, we’ve since been put in a 2 bedroom flat where I have to share a bed with my daughter, could be years till his daughter has her own bedroom again, so you think he’s even sorry or bothered, of course not he makes it his life mission to try and hide money so he can pay the least amount of maintenance he can get away with as if he revels in making his own daughters life difficult.

These men are disgusting, please know that you are worth so much more

Firefly27 · 25/01/2025 16:21

Did drugs , indulged in a one night stand , followed her on insta .. yes you love him but at this point you should love yourself and your body more . Please get him tested for STI.

If the tables were turned - you went to a club , did a line of coke , spent the night with a younger man you met at the club and have him perform ‘licky licky ‘ on you twice would he excuse you ?

TiredMummma · 25/01/2025 16:49

Gosh sorry OP, but just the way he talks about woman is surely enough to never ever be with him. He clearly does not respect woman.

MrBiscuits24 · 25/01/2025 17:49

Yeah… nah…. No way is someone giving head x2 on a one night stand. A shag yes. Also your DH is disgusting and I hope he feels ashamed of himself.

you and your little one deserve so much more.

Hedgehogcarer · 25/01/2025 18:14

Do you have any proof that it was an actual work trip? Sounds like a pre-meditated meet up with his whore.

The13thFairy · 25/01/2025 18:28

H'mmm. Kept not only underpants on but skirt as well? Hiding something? Keen to suck his penis twice with no reciprocation? For free? Was her name Lola? Probably s/he's gushing to friends about the straight guy she pulled who had no idea!

Fazhugs · 25/01/2025 18:32

Time to leave. He has told you a watered down version. Leave now while your 9mo doesn't remember living with him and find a decent man. HE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Itrytobesensible · 25/01/2025 19:29

This is why generally I give up on watching threads when they extend to a lot of pages:: it's unbelievable that so many people don't read the OP's updates.

I'm only still following this because I was hoping the OP would give an update as to how she is in the aftermath of her discovery of what her DH is really like.

I just wish posters would treat her and the position she finds herself in - through no fault of her own- with respect and have the decency to read what she has had to say. But so many can't even be bothered to do that

OhYeahOhYeah · 25/01/2025 20:21

Bellanova · 22/01/2025 06:53

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

Ouch! You poor thing.

He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness and you would surely have lost all or any respect for him……. I couldn’t stay with this man if I were in your shoes.

Once a cheat, always a cheat: whether that’s oral or full on sex. What a shitbag!

Phoenixfire1988 · 25/01/2025 21:27

You don't want to leave him ? Well welcome to your new reality because he will do it again and again why wouldn't he youre a doormat and he can do what he wants because you won't leave anyway .
Good luck and when your child grows up thinking this is perfectly acceptable behaviour remember it's you that showed them what a relationship looks like

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 25/01/2025 21:32

Phoenixfire1988 · 25/01/2025 21:27

You don't want to leave him ? Well welcome to your new reality because he will do it again and again why wouldn't he youre a doormat and he can do what he wants because you won't leave anyway .
Good luck and when your child grows up thinking this is perfectly acceptable behaviour remember it's you that showed them what a relationship looks like

Did you miss the bit where she's asked him to leave?

Phoenixfire1988 · 25/01/2025 21:50

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 25/01/2025 21:32

Did you miss the bit where she's asked him to leave?

Show quote history

Somehow yes I missed her last 2 posts which I've just seen and can't delete my reply I'm wondering why he told her this time when he's been doing this for god knows how long .
I am pleased she found her spine and has left him way too many women don't I'm proud of her .

Alwaysinamood · 25/01/2025 22:24

Christ what a bastard. You poor soul. It’s obvious he’s a serial cheat and I would also be checking the house for cocaine because I can guarantee it will be in the house somewhere, which is dangerous for the baby. Also get tested for STIs.
Karma will come round.
why on earth did he get married!! You deserve better. I hope you have support x

YerArseInParsley · 25/01/2025 23:27

Bellanova · 22/01/2025 06:53

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

Isn't oral sex enough? Of course they had sex but even if they didn't he was going to and he let her give him head. He's been all over her, there's no way she kept her underwear on. And he has the cheek to follow her and u don't want to leave him?
He's done it once and you've shown him he can do what he wants.

thelonghaul · 25/01/2025 23:30

If I've understood this correctly he's been screwing around for months, probably years. This last time the object of his attention wouldn't give him penetrative sex. He bragged about the sex (BJ) to a work colleague and then tried to go round again to get more but she bailed.
He then went home and "confessed" and shared every piece of incriminating evidence he'd previously successfully hidden. Presumably so that the OP would end the relationship and save him the trouble.

He really is a cowardly lying piece of work. Get yourself tested OP (you really don't know where he's been) and take him to the cleaners.

I feel for you; this is a massive betrayal. But you are well rid.

1HappyTraveller · 25/01/2025 23:32

Read all of your updates. I’m sorry this has happened to you OP. You are much better off without him.

please book an appointment at the sexual health clinic 🫂

IJustLoveTea · 25/01/2025 23:33

So sorry that you’re going through this. Some years back, my own husband cheated on me with a friend of mine - end of marriage. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would never get beyond that moment. I wouldn’t let it go.
My sister’s husband cheated on her and she took him back. Would hate to be her, always looking over her shoulder, wondering if he’s totally honest and knowing what he put her through.
You’ve taken absolutely the right decision. This is the only way forward, my lovely. Lean on your friends and family and kick the cheating sod into the gutter where he belongs.

YerArseInParsley · 25/01/2025 23:36

I've posted before I read all the replies.

Omg op, I'm so sorry. What a horrible person he is. It must be such a shock to find out what he is really like.

I hope u have the strength to keep him out your life, he will never change.

Plumedenom · 26/01/2025 08:10

I'm 41 and I've seen more stuff than you. Life is really long and if you stay with this man he will repeat this again and again and again and ruin your life. Go, hold your head up high, tell your close family and friends what he did. Live your life with your baby who will bring you so much future joy, cry your eyes out but don't look back because you're taking a step towards a better future without him. It won't feel like that today but I promise you'll never regret leaving a cheater.

TwinklySquid · 26/01/2025 08:36

If you aren’t going to leave him, then what’s the point in going over things?

Youll let him get away with this and your self esteem with be in the toilet because he’ll keep doing it.

Hedgehogcarer · 26/01/2025 08:42

I hope he has taken his cheating ass off to the sexual health clinic. He is living in your home and touching your child and things around your home. I would advise that you are tested as well because this is probably not the first time he has cheated. You need to raise your standards and get rid of him. I would tell the family why the relationship failed as well.