To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

My goodness you sound like hard-work rather than hardworking

Does she have a partner? A boyfriend? Husband that isn't child's dad?

Or is single?

If she's single, she's a single parent.

All kids have two parents, at least biological speaking.

If the parents split up, they're both single parents.

If the child never sees the other parent, perhaps you could use the phrase lone parent.

But then you'll start falling into needing a new label for every situation.

.....

If she's single, lives alone and is raising the child etc. she's a single parent household, doesn't mean she's a lone parent.

You could try it her way. Get a job and put your DC in nursery four days.

Or talk to DH about having a weekend every month to yourself while he has the kids. Of course, he would get the same.

I actually think it’s refreshing to read about co-parenting that works and where the non resident dad pays properly.

But I also bet it’s her doing pick ups when her DC is ill and needs to come home, doctors appointments etc.

Edited to add: what age are your DC? If they are in school you are BVU as you have all the school day to do your thing at least some days around keeping the house.

You are being a nob tbh. You can’t complain that you have to look after your own children when you are a stay at home mum 🙈 her children are in nursery so she can work ffs

She is a single parent. Literally the dictionary definition.

She is not with her child’a father thus, is a single parent.

I'm separated from my exH, he has the dc half the time so I have never considered myself a single parent. So yes, I agree with you. I think if the children's father is very involved in the co-parenting, the mum isn't a single parent. They might be single, and a parent but they are not parenting solo.

I’d hate to be away from my kids every weekend. Is that really what you’re jealous of?

On a dating app I don't want to meet anyone with kids. If I say "no single parents" meet someone, and then they drop the bombshell on me they have kids I'd be furious. If they then justified it by saying they "co-parent their children so aren't a single parent" everyone would think they were completely batshit, because the very definition of single parent is someone who is a parent but isn't in a relationship!!

She's single, she's a parent so she is a single parent. Sounds like her and her ex co-parent very well too. Instead of griping about her start organising your own self care time, if your sister's ex can manage that much childcare so can your husband!

@LadyLucyWells thanks this is what I am getting at!

She’s a single parent with a more favourable set up than a lot of women. It’s still not ideal and with this kind of set up problems tend to arise further down the line when new partners come into the mix and when the kids are older/ become teens and start picking and choosing which house they want to go to and playing parents off against each other. Does that make you feel any better?

Yabu

She's single and a parent. Literally the definition.

You have the luxury of a partner to share the load, mental or physical. She doesn't. There's no need to be jealous.

@AnneLovesGilbert she’s not though. She has complete flexibility to do what she likes every weekend! With or without her child

Well she is a single parent and she has found ways to manage it, so I can't see anything she is claiming is false.

She might be able to have more freedom than you at the weekend, but maybe there are aspects of your life she finds enviable too.

Parenting shouldn't be a battle about who has it harder, it's just about making the right choices for you and your family. You have chose a different and perfectly valid path, she has had her hand forced because of a relationship breakdown, but is making the best of it that she can in a way that works for her.

This. Maybe she'd like to be a SAHM but can't.

I’d say I’m a single parent. Work full time. ex has them half the time. I am single though and a parent. I think lone parent is when you have all the responsibility. We do coparent but I wouldn’t say I am a coparent

I don’t think it’s necessarily easy working with young children. You sound jealous tbh If you’d like to not have the stress of being a sahp then get a job?

How old are your children OP?

Isn't this really just about the distinction between a single parent and a lone parent?

You're baiting for a fight.

It's no different if she were super rich and had a nanny to provide childcare, she is still a single parent. Or if she had no money but very involved parents who happily did childcare.

Your issue is your relationship and split of work. If you want time off arrange it as a regular slot, Saturdays are family days and then you and your DH have EOW Sunday child free to spend as you please.

Going against the grain here but I am single but co parent very well with my child's dad however I hate the term "single parent"

My relationship status is single but I am most definitely not a single parent.

Well I'm assuming she doesn't stick the child in a cupboard between nursery Monday to Friday, so discounting that time on top of working is doing her a huge disservice.

You need to get your own house in order rather than criticise hers. She sounds like a very on top of it single parent who sets boundaries and looks after herself.

But she literally is a single parent. Sure, she has it easier than a lot of single mums, but that doesn't mean she isn't one.

I am and have been both a lone and a single parent with two children with two different dads. ( one very involved, one completely absent)
Both bring their challenges but for sure being a lone parent is harder (if the other parent is decent of course, if he is not that's a whole other set of problems)

I take huge issue with this line of OP

*and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP.

You very obviously have never had the stress of rushing from work to make pick up, bringing home tired kids, getting dinner on, homework checked, listen to their day, get to extra curricular activities, do bed time etc or some combination of the above depending on age of child or children.
Young kids end up later to bed than those that are home all day and up early next day to be dropped off early so you can rush off to do another day's work and start the cycle again.

Sorry for rant but that sentence just proved to me that you have no clue what you are talking about!

Life can be hard fir people in all situations. Both you and her can find parts of parenting difficult, even if they are different aspects you are struggling with.

She's a single parent and still has the physical and mental load of looking after her child alone every morning and evening during the week whether or not they are at nursery.