To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

She is a parent as are you but she is not in a relationship and is single hence she is a single parent 🙄 imagine being jealous of your sister & her situation. You are a sahp - if your husband doesn’t work the weekend then you take a “day off” then but sadly for most parents of young children days off aren’t a thing and it’s relentless but its part of having children.

if your husband works 7 days a week then neither of you get a day off but you either suck up the majority of your time is with your kids or you get a job and use nursery like your sister does or you and your DH both work part time.

This tedious argument again?

I don't think you fully understand the mental load of having to deal with everything on a day to day basis.

Do you never get annoyed with people who constantly drone on and on? That’s what the sister is doing. She needs to rein it in and stop acting superior.

You sound jealous that she’s had a failed relationship. Of course she’s a single mum! She must do 5 out of 7 bath and bedtimes. She does 4 nursery drop-offs a week, then goes to work, pick-ups, dinner. It must be really hard in her own.

If you’re that keen to get your hair done and have some me time, dump your DH and you too can have weekends to yourself.

she is a single parent? its a descriptive definition its doesn't mean living in penury and hardship.

you could send your kids to nursery, or go to work. you choose not to.
It's not her fault you don't have any free time to socialise or get your nails done.

You need to step back from the compare and critique relationship with your sister. When it starts to go down that route, close it down kindly and firmly. Change the subject. If she insists, "We've not been in one another's shoes so we don't know how we'd handle it if we were, so no point speculating." You don't complain to her about how hard things are, you don't take her critiques, you don't offer them in return. Just don't engage, life is not a competition and you both need to stand down.

The comment about martyring yourself to single parenthood is very unfair.

There's lots of single parents (usually mums) out there whose ex does nothing and/or even refuses to see the kids. Those women are not being martyrs, they just have no choice but to do everything themselves.

She doesn’t want to dump her lovely DH, she wants her annoying droney sister to shut up!

An hour I'm the morning and an hour in the evening of one toddler is hardly effort is it?! Barely any mental load if she has the whole weekend to herself.

She sounds like a crap mum, barely anytime with her kid.

Far from what you picture of a single mum, slaving away parenting on their own every day.

She’s a single parent, not a solo parent. Why does it matter?

If you want a break, get an evening job and treat you and your husband to a day/night out at the weekend and hire a babysitter.

I don’t know how her accurately calling herself a single parent in any way affects your life? I’m not why you’re so jealous of this, you could have something similar if you wanted to.

Right 😅.Honestly @Ynhj , she is the very definition of a single parent...

a person bringing up a child or children without a partner.

She's a single parent, this doesn't mean her life is financially hard. It's all relative.

If you are feeling angry about it, look closer to home.

What am I even reading?! 😆

Sooo…do you think a woman is only a single parent if the other parent is a deadbeat? Your sister isn’t suffering enough?

Honestly reading between the lines of your post and previous posts, it sounds like you’re really unhappy with how your life is going. You seem to be a bit obsessed about your sister and you seem to envy her life as a single parent because she gets time away from her children and you don’t. You’ve posted similar before and everyone told you at that point you were being unreasonable. If you’re still this resentful then maybe you need to reevaluate your choices. Talk to your husband about what options you have. Maybe going back to work or taking it in turns to have a day off over the weekend.

I get that it’s probably frustrating to be in a two parent household, with the luxury of being able to be a stay at home parent and still feel like you are the one struggling, but outside people - your parents and sister, see you as the one who has the better set up. Which you do. But you obviously don’t feel like that.

Hope things get better for you

What a daft post, purely based on jealously and bitterness. She is a single parent. She may well have it easier than some, or even most, but she is a single mum nonetheless. Life is not a race to the bottom and you’re doing yourself and your relationship with your sister a disservice by treating it as such. If you’re so miserable with your life, do something about it.

Err you have dh to take up the slack. Send him.out with the kids. Go away for a weekend. Nothing to stop you. You just jealous somehow.

Why do you care if she calls herself a single parent or not?

and she is by the way. I have 50/50 with Exh. I very much consider myself a single parent. The 50% of the time I have my DD, all the parenting is on me. I have zero downtime. I can’t nip to shops, I can’t go to the gym, I can’t meet friends, I can’t spend the evening in the bath with a book. All things I could do with a live in partner. I have no one to bounce things off. What do you think this rash is? Is she well enough to go to school? And if I’m sick, tough. Gotta suck it up and parent.

Just because I get the other 50% time off it doesn’t negate the fact that parenting some of the time on your own is very different to parenting as a team all the time

She is a dire parent if she is spending her child's savings. Grim!

do you know them both or just decided the sister goes on & on so ops jealousy is justified? Can’t say i’ve got annoyed at anymore (never mind my sister) just because i’m unhappy with my own life choices

Did we not have this identical thread a few weeks back?

I think the ease of her situation may depend on how much her ex is willing to pick up in the week. He sounds great at the weekends but is that all he does? If dc is ill is he willing to share time of work? How will it work when dc is at school, is that going to fall all onto the mum to manage workaround the school days?

Single moms are vilified or at least begrudged for the most ridiculous reasons.

*Barely a mom if you shares custody or isn't attached to her kids all the time.
*Should go to work if she stays home on benefits.
*Shouldn't get UC if she gets CM.
*Gets too much maintenence or should be cut off as soon as possible.
*Shouldn't find time or money for basic self-maintenance, because a married woman/SAHM cannot get a break from her children.
*Shouldn't get help from parents because she gets help from her ex.
*Should have the decency to only earn minimum wage, not be able to afford anything above basic sustenance because...
*On and on and on 🥱🥱🥱.

@Ynhj It's unlikely you'd choose your sister's life, so make an effort to make yours as fulfilling as possible, so the only thing you wish her is the best. Not more or less of anything, but the best for her and your niece/nephew.

don't forget
*sends the child to nursery 4 days a week while at work so "barely sees them"

You sound very jealous & a bit nasty.

Yes she's a single parent so if course that's how she can describe herself.

If you want to go back to work then your DH should support that - is there scope for you both to work part time or compressed hours & share child care etc or you could use a nursery a couple of mornings or a day if you need time to yourself. Or you could have a child free day at weekends & DH look after them.

whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP.

How does working Mon-Thursday mean she enjoys the weeknights more than a SAHP? I'd have thought - if anything - it's more stressful in the eve if you're working because you have everything to organise for yourself and a toddler, for the next day?

In answer to the question, she is a single parent.
Some single parents have more favourable support both practically and financially than others, in the same way parents in a relationship do. It sounds as if she and the child's father co-parent quite amicably, with him taking responsibility, which is not always the case.