To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

Split up with you husband and do the same if that's what you want ? Jealousy isn't a good look.

I am a lone parent and I am also single.

Wouldn't bother me at all her calling herself a single parent.

We all have our own struggles and it's hard to explain to someone how it feels to have to make every parenting decision alone and be financially dependable for everything.

That's what I find hard, but again, no one gets it unless they're in it so doesn't bother me at all what people call themselves.

It sounds like a bit of jealousy to me which is totally understandable. It'll probably be very different when her ex finally meets someone and suddenly isn't as dependable as usually happens.

I was also a little jealous of couples when I got no break when child was small. However... Now child is older I don't find it as hard and actively enjoy their company so am glad there isn't someone trying to take half my time away

I also have friends in marriages that sound harder work than being a lone parent so I'm also grateful for that 😁

I used to get accused of spending it on alcohol because I once bought a bottle of wine with the shopping which apparently if I could afford I didn't need maintenance money 🤦🤦😂

Oh haven't we all been there! Unless you're in sack cloth and ashes and eating gruel then you don't need maintenance.
Bypasses people that the maintenance is supposed to be 50% for each parent of the cost of the child regardless of if the mother has enough money to pay her contribution (and usually a lot more) and get her nails done or buy wine as well with her own earned income.

I don't think you should compete with your sister about who is most tired you can both be tired.
She's working four days and doing all the nursery runs and bedtimes by herself before an after work, it's hard work. Please don't begrudge her that she gets some rest and fun at the weekend and that she seems to have a good coparenting relationship where she can join them too - she's lucky compared with many single mums. But surely there is nothing stopping you and your husband doing every other weekend taking the kids out on Saturday separately for example so you both get alternative breaks - why would that need loads of planning?

I feel like there should be a reality show to settle this... Kind of like Wifeswap? Two sisters swap responsibilities for a week. If what you're saying is true, she needs to be humbled a bit. Nothing worse than a chronic complainer who has the easiest life of all....

Lmao so, even though she IS a single parent, you resent that she has help and should therefore not be referring to herself as a single parent? Haters always gon hate

🤣 yes I didn't spot that bit

She’s a single parent. She just co-parents too.

Im a single mum - and my family take on a lot of the childcare so I’ve been able to have somewhat of a life. But just because I have childcare - it doesn’t mean I’m not a single mum.

Shes admitted that she’s making the most of her situation so she isn’t moaning about being a single parent. We come in different shapes and sizes. I did feel strange the moment I realised that I’m actually enjoying being a single parent.

I know some single parents have a hard time. But I have a few friends who are single parent - and some of us have found that (once we’ve got our life together, routine and steady income and support network) being a single parent (if you had a hard time with a partner) was so much more empowering and liberating.

Feels like you need to find your support network. Don’t do it all alone. Is your partner helping.

Or join a gym with a creche

Same here. We deserve to hair our hair cut and nails done on our odd few hours off!

I think you're forgetting that babies and toddlers wake up with teething etc regularly in the night - being the only parent doing that, then getting up for work, is so hard

Another jealous sister here- your DH should let you have time off at the weekend and do some parenting by himself it doesn't all have to be 'family time'

Why don't you get a job OP? See how much easier parenting is with a full time job.

If you’re the only adult in the house with a child you’re a single parent. Why does it matter. Maybe def could add a strap line single parent - but my sister has it harder

There’s a difference between a single parent and lone parent.
Single parent may co-parent with another adult. Lone parent does it all.

I co-parent with my ex, who has our daughter every other weekend, and I’d call myself a single parent. You can’t compare having a partner around to not having one. It’s hard work when you are working and doing all the drudge of parenting. If you have a bad day, you have someone to have the kids. Single parents tend to just have to get on with it.

It sounds like she has an ex who appreciates the effort she puts in and is happy to give her a break. You do sound bitter to be honest.

Ok get lost @Unexpectedlysinglemum another advocate of tit for tat parenting. As DH was out of the house so much with work and travelling time. He was fit for nothing by the time he got in from work (no hobbies nothing). The weekends he recovered and we spent time together as a family. During this time I was on mat leave. Yes our lives were hard and totally revolved around the DC. But if I adopted the tit for tat parenting approach i.e. you went to the gym three times this week so I am going to the gym three times and you have had a night out with the lads and came home at 2am so I am having a night out and staying out until 3am. We would never see each other or our DC. This wasn’t what we wanted.

I did expect my parents living locally to actually want to see me and my DC occasionally. I didn’t need or want the same level of support my DSIS received but even 10% of the support and interest she received would have been better than the 1% we received. Given everything they did for her and her DC.

You’re clearly jealous of your sister’s situation and that’s fine for you to feel like that.
I guess we all have different set-ups and there are pros and cons to them all. She may be jealous of your ‘family unit’ who knows but try to just be supportive and enjoy what you have and make small changes to give yourself a break or take a part time job as jobs give you me time also. It’s hard. Take care of yourself

You do sound quite jealous of your sister though. As a parent in family unit with two people, you can share the load, logistically, financially, emotionally. Your sister doesn't have this. It's a struggle. If your parents are kind enough to help her out, that's great.

A single parent is a single parent. The emotional and financial burden is itself significant ( even if she is getting money).

When the dad has completely disappeared from their life, that's a whole other group and that to me is the hardest by far.

I would do whatever is possible within your means to improve your situation. Is there any way to get more time for yourself. Sleepovers for the kids? The problem is you desperately want a bit of free time and an escape from the drudgery. There's not one thing wrong with that. It's tough with no time off ever.

There is a range within single parenting just as there is within couples.

I e been a single parent with an ex who does nothing and hardly pays. That was very hard work. Then got a partner who helped out loads with my kids that were jit his even before we lived together he would mow the lawn or pop to the shops for me on the way home- that stuff makes a massive difference when it's all on you. Now I'm single again and my ex who stepped up still will pop to the shops if I sos and he pays maintenance and even occasionally takes my older two who are not his. This situation is VERY different to my first situation as a single parent and actually easier than being in a couple in my experience as I get time off from youngest regularly and my older ones are of course old so it's not as hard doing that alone

She works 4 days a week, and presumably she has to do at least a minimum of housework, cooking, cleaning, etc. in the evening? I accept that some husbands don't do their share at home, but some do.

She is a single parent. Why are you so worked up about it?

You could almost have what she has- go back to work four days a week and split the weekend days 50-50 with your husband. No, you wouldn't have two days in a row off every week but you can have one and trade off with him occasionally to get two days.

Even if you didn't divide the weekends fully, there's no reason you can't find time for the hairdressers, nails and socialising.

If you don't want to do that, rein in your jealousy and stop moaning.

Well , I was married when I had two children Husband was accused of child abuse so I divorced him. He never saw the kids or took them out . He didn't buy for them and they don't know him. I raised them provided for them and took them away on holiday. One of them was prem and had health issues and special needs . They both did well but I am a carer don't work but I do work and have worked to bring them up alone . I call that a single parent. My parents never had them over night there were no relatives to help . Some have it easy

I totally get it op, she's got it good but still likes to complain even chance she gets.