To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

Yes she is a single parent, she is co-parenting with her ex but still a single parent.

Why on earth does it matter to you so much anyway? You sound judgey, bitter and like an awful sister.

But she is single? Just because she's not run ragged and totally broke doesn't change the fact her and kids dad are not together. And presumably she hasn't another partner?
Single parent doesn't mean poor and miserable.
Angelina Jolie is a single parent? So is Madonna.

You sound jealous tbh.

I'm a single parent, never had the dad on the scene, had no help, always had my son with me Monday to Sunday but I would never call out another single parent like that. Yes, maybe a little envious of her lifestyle but not so much as to post about her complaining.

So she works, gets to spend time with her child and gets to have a social life of her own, she's still a single mum. You are definitely jealous because she seems to have a better lifestyle than you and not the typical single mum lifestyle you imagine she should have.

That's the words I'm looking for, poor and miserable. Op expects single parents to be poor and miserable.

She's a single parent but not a lone parent. Having no support from your child's other parent is quite different to single parents who effectively coparent then there's obviously a whole spectrum in between. You are right that her life is quite different from the lived experience of many single parents but she still is a single mum, end of.

She's not wrong to call herself a single parent as she is a parent who is single.

But she is wrong to imply her life is harder than yours or imply you shouldn't struggle. Parenting is always hard.

It sounds like she's got a very good deal, better than most coupled parents. I don't buy that doing evenings and mornings on your own is a big deal as PPs are implying. Loads of coupled parents have partners who work evenings, or go away with work a lot, or just don't get much help from the other parent.

However, it also sounds like the ex is a complete pushover and quite happy to dance to her tune FOR NOW. When he finds a new partner, he will probably do what she says instead and your sister will be on here complaining about the evil witch stepmother.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You sound jealous, nobody sets out to be a single parent, it’s hard work when it’s all on you, the time they’re with the other parent is to catch up on what you couldn’t get done when focusing on your child solo / or to rest because you’re exhausted or to have fun.

What do you do all day? Do you know how lucky you are not to have to work. No pressure other than child rearing. Your sister is doing both on her own.

I’d imagine your sister looks very enviously on your lifestyle. but then again she’ll be paying into a pension, developing a career and security that you loose when you give it all up to be a stay at home parent.

Im the sole parent. Just me - no one else ever (and no extended family support either). This is quite different to a single parent who co-parents, but it doesn’t mean one is better or worse, just different and we all manage our situations as best as we can for our families. Don’t be jealous or critical, you do you and let her do her.

ps sole parent means you are always “on duty”. 100% of everything falls to you, when there’s a problem you fix it and when there’s a triumph you feel more joy and pride than ever!!!!

FFS, as people on MN are fond of saying, it's not a race to the bottom.
I could tug at people's heartstrings with my set up as a solo parent, but I don't tend to compare myself - favourably or otherwise - to other parents (although, I did see a Mum with the most beautiful, shiny hair on the school run this morning and felt more than a tad envious).
Don't let envy make you sound like a 🌵.

I can’t believe this thread. You sound so nasty about her tbh. She is working to put food in her kid’s mouth. Working and sending her kid to nursery and a dad who looks after the kid a couple nights a week doesn’t mean she’s somehow not a single parent???

you chose not to work and are staying at home with your kids, you have a partner, none of this makes her not a single parent?

good on her for what she’s doing. You sound jealous that you can’t have weekends away from your kids

Exactly this!! Couldn’t have worded it any better

I wonder if the issue here is your husband not being very hands on and this is where the resentment has come form. Can you ask him to have the kids whilst you do something for yourself? Take up a hobby to get you out of the house and have some ‘you’ time. No one can pour from an empty cup. It's hard being a single mum and it’s also hard being a SAHM with little you time. Try not to compare and get upset with your sister, you are just seeing the highlights of her life, there is prob a lot of low moments too.

She is a single parent.

It's not a competition for who has life worse.

She is a single parent as she has no partner. You could argue that she is not a lone parent as she isn’t doing it all in her own.

do you think things will be easier if you broke up with your husband?

I think getting her child ready for school in a morning, going to work and then being with her child on an evening is enough to do on your own really. Yeah she gets fridays and weekends off but why not? Her ex is providing which is great! Just because she's a single parent doesn't mean she should be suffering and stressed out? Be happy for her!

She's a single woman who is a parent. Five days a week she is working all day and in sole charge of her child during the evening and the night.
No doubt having an amenable and generous ex who is a committed dad is making her life easier than if she was the sole earner and had nobody around give her a break.
She doesn't have a partner who loves her and supports her day by day.
You sound envious of some aspects of her life, OP, but probably you are having a better time in other ways. Why compare or worry about exact definition of 'single parent'?

To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

No, in these circumstances no. She wakes up with her child 5 days a week gets them ready for nursery then on 4 of those days she has to go to work. Then after work and nursery she has to be a parent and in the week she is doing that single handedly. YABU to compare your situations. If you want every weekend off leave your DH and go get a job, then you can go out on a weekend whilst your DH has the kids. Yeh that’s a ridiculous idea isn’t it throwing a life away because you’re jealous of what someone else does.

So what you are really saying is you resent your sisters current situation and are jealous of her free weekends. Rather than hold resentment over how she refers to herself as a single parent, change your own circumstances.

You can ‘get at it’ all you like but the fact is, she’s classed as a single parent. The term you’re looking for here is lone parent. OP would you rather have her life? You sound very resentful? Maybe you could (rightfully so) negotiate some time for yourself at the weekend where dh takes the kids? You could always work Monday to Thursday and put them in nursery too? Or is it the fact she has money for her hair and nails that’s upsetting? Sadly, as all us mums know only too well, There’s no gold, silver or bronze medal for parenting. Would it make you feel better if she said that she knew you had it a lot harder than her? Why don’t you just stay that you feel very resentful of her daring to compare herself to you because everything is so much harder for you and your husband than it is for her.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

She’s a single parent by definition. I bet she’d far rather be part of a family, like you are.

It’s literally in the OP that the sister goes on and on about it. Read it.

I agree with this. I share parenting with my ex. I was raised by a single parent i.e. other parent not around and not contributing financially either. Very different situations. It's a parenting status not a relationship status imo.

This!

I came here to say exactly this. This one line tells me that the the OP hasn’t got a clue about the life of a working, single (or whatever phrase you want to use) parent.

She's a single parent. You seem jealous.
You have a supposedly "hands on" DH, so why do you never get a break? If you want more free time, you could try a divorce or pay for some childcare.