Ex husbands demands

[lespameo]

Would like some perspective on this please...

Have been split for 6 years/ divorced for 5 and it's not been an amicable split really as he loves to argue over the smallest of things and I think he despises the fact he isn't in control of my life anymore. (control being the main reason for the split and documented in the divorce papers).

We share 2 x dc who he chooses to see EOW but only on the basis that I drive half way (drop off 6pm Friday, get back Sunday lunch time, dependent on ds football match). He moved 45 mins away to live with his new partner and her 2 dds and is getting married to her this summer.

I have been with my new partner for 5 years.

XHs wedding is scheduled in August and today he text to ask that I collect dc from the wedding reception in the evening. I wasn't aware of the specific date until today, and I have already got tickets for my partners and my favourite band. it's my partners birthday that day too.

The wedding is scheduled on his normal weekend to see the kids, hence me booking the tickets, months ago.

He is arguing the toss with me that I should cancel my plans and that I'm being unreasonable as 'it's his wedding day' (wedding number 3 may I add).

The DC will be 10 at the time of the wedding. I've suggested he asks a family member to take the DC home and that as it's his weekend, it's not my fault that I've already made plans and that I'm not purposely being difficult.

AIBU?

he will try to poison the children regardless, so why not have firm boundaries?

I'd be so tempted to say something like "Never mind, if you don't get to go to Daddy's wedding because he can't find anyone to look after you, I'll take you to Legoland (or equivalent) instead and that will be much more fun than a boring old wedding".

I probably wouldn't but I'd be tempted.

She can't promise them that because she has tickets booked for a concert for her partner's birthday, indeed booked because the kids were due to be at the wedding. All he's doing is trying to ruin OP's weekend. Kids are just collateral damage.

She doesn't have to take them that weekend.

@Goldbar Well yes she could but surely if you've got to replace the disappointment of not being at their father's wedding, you'd need to do it that day or at the very least that weekend to distract them. God what a vile man to do this 🤬

You're definitely right and he's being a d××k, I'd definitely go away and make sure he can't bully you into it. However, big caveat, definitely have your parents available as from what you've said about contact he will happily use your children to control and manipulate which is horrendous for your children, who are most important here (sounds like you already know this and are very good driving halfway just to ensure they see their dad). I'd be wary of just wandering off and switching off your phone that weekend as I can see a world where he deliberately just leaved them in the car park to "wait for mum" and then blames you when you're not there etc. If your parents are on stand by, at least you know they will be physically and emotionally cared for if he pulls a stunt. No, it's not your weekend and it's not your job to do it, but ultimately the kids are at the heart of it and when they're grown up they'll know and they'll work out who the good guy was, and who put themselves in difficult positions for them.