To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

[DearOpalFinch]

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

It's up to them to finance their own In Vitro treatment. It's them that want the family...

and how it reshapes the norms of what we consider appropriate to ask others for help with

What norms? Who defines them?

nobody is compelled to contribute.

If you're against it, you don't have to contribute to their crowdfunding? If other people want to crowdfund their IVF, live and let live. I couldn't get worked up about it

Would feel the same if it was a charity asking for donations to support unnamed couples go through IVF? If so why is that any different to dementia, cancer, heart disease charities

I don't think you're comparing apples with apples there

HRTFT but do you have DC? DD and DIL needed fertility treatment and are expecting their first DC shortly after years of heartbreak and loss. No, they never crowdfunded but if I thought that would given them a precious child I'd have done anything to help.
You might say I'm projecting (I find that dismissive). I was only watching from the wings and that was bad enough. Their pain was palpable. Of course I'm biased, they're a couple who have worked so hard, never put a foot wrong in life. A few thousand pounds changed everything, wouldn't you try to raise that money? I'd think they've probably exhausted their own funds before reaching out.

I thought this. I reckon OP is using chat gpt or something to generate replies - totally sounds like a robot to me!

I wonder if your discomfort with it is anything to do with the lack of equity in the result? There was an article recently about crowdfunding in the wake of the LA fires, and it was discussing how the result of crowdfunding in these sorts of circumstances was to entrench inequality.

People who had been well off (and therefore more likely to be able to rebuild, and to have insurance) generally raise much more money than the genuinely poor who needs it more. Possibly because they have more SM visibility, wealthier friends etc.

So while tax based redistribution of wealth or traditional charitable giving feels ok because it's distributed according to need, the crowdfunding model means the money doesn't necessarily go to those who need it most, and that jars against the charitable intention.

Can see where you're coming from, obviously if it were complete strangers then I'd just ignore but I do think if it were people I know IRL doing this it's awkward and tacky, I'd still not donate and I would judge them for this or any other crowdfunding type requests for money. I don't agree with crowdfunding anything in general - there's a difference between asking for a £5 donation for a local charity run vs asking friends and acquaintances to fund IVF, overseas 'volunteering' holidays, overseas charity events etc or whatever it is people use this for these days. I've had two IVF babies with no help from the NHS so I know how expensive it is but it's not appropriate to ask others to fund this - unless it's family or close wealthy friends offering I suppose.

Dementia, cancer, heart disease - awful things that happen to people who didn't ask to be brought into the world.

IVF - a choice made for purely self-interested reasons to bring another person into an overpopulated world.

Totally agree

No... NOT having children is a personal choice.

Infertility/Sterility (outside of vasectomy etc...) is a MEDICAL CONDITION with NO choice.

Fair enough, although I suppose the nature of starting a thread about something that's irritated you is probably just the most recent thing you spotted - I doubt OP has specific beef with infertile women (or people? Is IVF only for women who have trouble concieving or can it be if there are problems on the man's side too? I actually don't know anything about IVF specifically, and that would shift the point slightly too).

I'm actually surprised this vote is 50/50 - I hope the people who don't agree with this never themselves or close family/friends ever experience infertility. Until you have been through it you'll never understand.

I don't think people should crowdfund ANYTHING. I don't ever contribute. I give money to charities, only my chosen ones and one charity I massively disagree with, but it is my dh's favourite charity, so I grudgingly give to that one. Any other approaches are shot down in flames - I tell Shelter I won't sign up their petition 'No evictions for non-payment of rent' and other stupid initiatives. I tell WWF, no, I won't be adopting your elephant, I live in a very small flat and when they tell me 'you won't be getting an elephant as such' I tell them loudly, that they are liars and they should say exactly what they mean. I also tell cf to sod off with 'Fund me to walk from Dover to Gretna for charity' - I say 'I am not funding your folly, I give to charity directly'.

So I think you are right, we should not be funding other people's wants and more importantly, we should be VOCAL about it as in 'no, I am not doing it because....and give the reason'.

"we should not be funding other people's wants" out of interest, do you have children yourself?

No more unreasonable than a lot of the other crowdfunding going - personally as someone who has suffered from infertility I have a lot of sympathy for people struggling to afford IVF (especially if it’s for a first/only child and when others in the NHS postcode lottery system are getting their IVF for “free”). It’s all well and good some people saying that if you can’t afford IVF, you can’t afford a child but the reality is really not that simple.

Is crowdfunding to make a film or other art project wrong? What about those who have had an accident when they didn’t have or “forgot” to get insurance? Or those ones asking for money for “charity” - but it’s also paying for them to climb mountains/sky dive/go to an exotic country in order to do it etc etc etc.

Basically YABU as I don’t think you can tell people what they should donate to/for. Personally I ignore the ones I don’t agree with, and (when I can afford it ) donate to the ones I feel sympathy for. Tbh I’d far rather people bothered by others asking for money focused on tackling the chuggers or aggressive beggars on the street first.

A close family member has, but I still wouldn't contribute to a funding request for IVF. I would contribute for life saving treatment.

For what reason? Do you not think that close family member deserves to have children?

I am going to guess you haven't experienced infertility.

I probably wouldn't do it because I would want to keep that private but no one is forcing you to contribute.

The following conversations about IVF not being funded on the NHS is just boring. Luckily it is for most of the country and hope it continues.

Don't see why not really, people crowdfund for not taking out holiday insurance too🤔 Also funerals.

I have actually. Spent years TTC, hence my comments on it being heartbreaking.

But if we can't actually deal with people who are dying in corridors something is very wrong in the NHS and we can't just continue as we are. There's only so much money to spend.

Why are there so many hateful biatches on mumsnet right now? OP is just nasty.

My heart goes out to any couple dealing with infertility.

Well you don't speak for us all. For some those NHS rounds are the closest they are going to get to having children.