To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

[DearOpalFinch]

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

I’d be happy to donate to someone I know who was facing an infertility battle. If people don’t want to donate, they don’t have to.

I don't see why not. No one is forced to contribute.

Would you be able to come up with £5,000? £10,000 up front several times? It certainly is the added unfairness that not only do I have to save several thousands that fertile people don't have to in order to get pregnant AND then pay for all the child needs as well.

This.

You don’t want to donate? Then don’t. Some people may want to.

I am sure the couple would rather not be broadcasting the fact they need help with funding IVF, but feel they have no other choice.

OP you are being very unfair.

Looking at all of OP responses I definately think it's AI, something strange about the same response over and over.

Well there hasn’t been a bitter old infertile bashing thread in a while - got to keep that algorithm up.

The "can't afford ivf therefore can't afford a child" argument is such nonsense. As if we should make everyone prove they have a spare 20k in the bank before they are allowed to come off the pill.

I don't understand why people are so quick to jump on infertile people when it's shitty enough without people questioning their right to healthcare. No one deserves a child but I think people deserve a fair chance at a child which is what ivf does. It doesn't actually guarantee anything.

I would never contribute to such a cause but I have no objection to people raising money to fund their IVF treatment.

@IVFmumoftwo

I did. £40k worth of IVF actually. Remortgaged house and took bank loans.
The repayment cost of which is a fraction of what raising my IVF children cost per month in childcare fees. So yes it can be done but people don't want to necessarily make the financial sacrifice so would rather someone else paid for it

What if they aren't able to? Are you jealous you had to pay for it?

You sound lovely!

!!!????
Casual bit of homophobia in there? Not to mention the rest..

It’s honestly wonderful you could manage to do that and it’s brilliant that you had a successful outcome to make it all worthwhile. But it’s very unlikely someone on minimum wage would be able to raise that sort of money (they may not have a house to re- mortgage or be eligible for bank loans).

Do they not deserve the opportunity to try for a child? (baring in mind no-one is forcing anyone to donate). Plenty of parent/s on low wages in rented or council accommodation seem to manage the lifetime cost of raising a child (if they can conceive one naturally) - but that’s without the bulk of a huge IVF debt on top of it. I don’t blame them for trying crowdfunding.

I personally don’t think people only make good parents if they or their partner have a well paid job or own their own home (in order to make that financial sacrifice).

Yes, it's surprising how many people don't understand the difference between an upfront expense and one that's broken down into smaller chunks over a lengthy period. There are loads of examples of people being able to afford the latter but not the former, even when the longer term expenses add up to more.

I have no idea about “old couples” (what counts as old? 40? 45?) but the idea that same-sex couples or single people shouldn’t have children even “on the NHS” is at least 20 years out of date.

Look at the academic papers or books from people like Professor Susan Golombok (at Cambridge University) who explain that donor conceived people do on average at least as well as their peers from more conventional families in all measurable rubrics (mental health, education etc). Actually, apparently the children of SMBC do even better than average - likely because they don’t have to deal with parental separation/family splits (which about half of children in those so called ideal/conventional families will).

Imo there is probably a worthy debate about whether IVF should be offered on the NHS at all - after all, it’s all our taxes and might be interesting to hear different points of view. Personally I think 3 rounds of IVF should be offered for those with fertility problems and no biological children (who meet the basic fertility health criteria of being under 40, BMI of under 30, non- smoker etc) - the current postcode lottery that some people get this but others don’t is ridiculous and unfair imo. But I do also understand those who argue that the NHS is on its knees and may eventually have to go back to/change to emergency and physical life saving care only in order to function 😢.

However, problems with crowdfunding IVF? Nah, just ignore it - no-one is forcing anyone to put their hands in their pocket if they are against it for any reason (even if those reasons often seem bogus or 20 years out of date to me).

I agree on the “deserve” note too. Children are not rewards for anything.

To be clear, whilst it's not a crowdfund I'd contribute to, I don't agree with OP that people "shouldn't" do it. If people do and it helps them then why not.

@IVFmumoftwo

Absolutely not jealous at all. It is what it is. Spreading cost over 10-25 years was more than worth it. Even if it hadn't worked I was at peace with at least trying.

You are obviously in a privileged position that you could afford those loans or managed to qualify for the pay monthly IVF schemes. You should still show some compassion to those on low wages who might want a child but don't qualify for NHS IVF. You seem to have forgotten what it felt like.

What a mean spirited post. Nobody is forcing you to contribute.....

People crowdfund for all sorts of reasons

A relative recently ran one for their pet. I didnt donate

I may have done to help someone achieve their fertility dresm

Although unlikely

This is one of those 'make everything about me' posts. Why does it get your back up when it has absolutely no impact on you at all?

Can anyone tell me what happens to the donations if they don’t reach their goal amount? Do they keep the money or return it?

I wouldn’t want to emulate previous generations. They got a fair bit wrong.

The pain of potentially being unable to have a child sounds like an understandable motivation for appealing to help.

No ones making you contribute. I won't contribute to teenagers gap years but I don't care that people post them. As long as someone isn't being hounded.