To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

[DearOpalFinch]

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

Sure. I am aware I don't speak for everyone. I expressed my opinion and I do recognise it is neither popular nor universal

For what reason? Do you not think that close family member deserves to have children?

Of course I would like them to, I'm not sure "deserve" is the right word though. Having children isn't a basic human right.

I wouldn't contribute because I don't have bottomless pockets and of the funds I do have to donate, my choice would be to a cause that is trying to prevent premature death, at either an organisation or individual level.

Exactly this. The more you try to explain your position, OP, the more you are just repeating the same phrases over and over without adding any clarification. It seems to me that you would feel more comfortable if everyone needing IVF would just hide in the shadows in shame! You talk about not wanting it to be made public to avoid judgements and comments but you have just created a thread where anyone with negative attitudes to IVF is free to declare them here - and they have! And you really have just picked on people with fertility problems. There are so many other crowdfunding appeals for all sorts of causes. Just ignore if you're not interested.

Then the issue is it's IVF and not that it's a "personal matter." These are personal issues too. It's ok to have issues with IVF I'm just exploring the "it's a problem because it's a personal matter" narrative

Semi deliberately! I was just trying to pushing the "it's personal" narrative. If that was the case why single out health problems related to fertility? The problem isn't it's personal it's it's IVF hiding behind its personal.

It can be used for male infertility too, when it is called (IVF with) ICSI, when the sperm is injected directly into the ovum, as opposed to leaving them together in a petri dish overnight, basically. It's useful for men with low sperm counts and other problems.

There are lots of payment plan options for IVF now so I'd be concerned if you can't spend 12 months saving £300 a month or more how you would fund a drop to one wage in the event of being a STAHP or cost of childcare which is going to be in excess of that

Some people don't have 12 months.

People can ask for what they like. No one is forced to give.
As for it being private. Why should it have to be?
I've been through 2 cycles of IVF and it didn't work. I chose to stop. I made peace with that decision a long time ago. A relative of mine has just been through several more cycles than i did and now has a beautiful baby. She was totally open about this as when she was heartbroken when it didn't work on more than one occasion so it was easier if people knew what was going on. It's not a taboo subject.
As for the poster who says if you can't afford it you can't afford children I've just looked it up and it averages getting on for 5k per cycle. How many people with kids just have a spare 5k lying around? But they can afford kids. And don't forget the statistics. How many go on to have several cycles?
OP the title of your post says they shouldn't try to crowd fund it but in another post you say you're not against it.
I do hope no one is reading through this and having their failed attempt at having a much wanted and longed for child put in the same category as a dream wedding! How insensitive!
I'm not a fan of crowdfunding but give me one for IVF over someone who didn't take out travel insurance any day.

People shouldn't be ashamed of infertility. It's no more personal to say "we want to do ivf" then announcing you are pregnant naturally and everyone knowing you shagged your husband three months ago!

I personally think it's pretty sad people are reduced to crowd funding. I think everyone under 40 should get 3 nhs rounds for up to 2 children. I know lots of people will say the NHS can't afford it but there are many more expensive medical procedures and those children will pay for our pensions.

I dislike the culture of crowdfunding. I actively give to charitable causes such as when a child needs better prosthetics than what the NHS gives them. My own DS has a chronic condition that is super rare but I always donate to causes that link to research around the organ in which he suffers with. But the thought of crowdfunding for lifestyle choices deeply grates on me. And shame on the people giving when they could instead give to much more worthy causes that aren’t lifestyle choices.

And FWIW I do think the NHS should fund IVF cycles under certain conditions and I k ow the place lottery is v frustrating. However it doesn’t take away from the fact that having a baby is a choice not an entitlement and should the NHS ever get to being on the bones of its arse, enabling lifestyle choices should be the first things to go (after middle managers!)

I’m afraid I agree on the “deserve” note. Nobody deserves children, only children deserve good parents. Deserving something doesn’t mean you have a right to it. I deserve a million quid but sometimes life is tough shit and I ain’t gonna get what I deserve

I can't see why anyone else cares. It must be hard enough to be struggling with fertility, without judgement.

I agree- IVF is such a small fraction of the cost of raising a child. If you can’t afford that, what makes you think you can afford a child?
unfortunately people have no shame these days.
there’s this person in one of my FB groups who thinks raising her kids is a crowd funding exercise - for the last 2.5 yrs almost daily she posts about needing something to be gifted to her. Every few months she needs gender reveal and/ or baby shower stuff for her new pregnancy. 🤦🏻‍♀️lady all I’d give to you is a jumbo box of condoms at this point.

This is such a shitty argument.

Fertile couples don't have to demonstrate that they are solvent before they TTC.

Some people don’t seem to understand the £5000 a cycle is just an average. It isn’t abnormal to need to spend up to £10000 a cycle (needing a very high med dose, if you have any to freeze, if you need PGTA testing, Emma/Alice testing etc etc etc). Plus the fact that the average person apparently needs at least 3 cycles to have success (the reason the NHS is ideally supposed to offer 3 cycles). Well, even with payment plans etc - I love the idea that most people can easily find up to £30000 at sometimes relatively short notice (even a year can sometimes make a huge difference in fertility terms).

Tbh I don’t blame people for trying their luck crowdfunding for IVF - and it’s easy enough to ignore if you don’t like it imo.

I think most crowd-funders are pretty tacky and inappropriate.

But if people's friends want to help them I don't see that as wrong in itself.

You’re not obliged to cough up you know.

Nobody has to give.
I really don’t think anybody who wanted a child and has conceived naturally has any right at all to criticise IVF.

I don't see the issue. If you don't agree with it, don't donate. It's that simple.

YABU, people can crowd fund for whatever they want, and people are welcome to contribute or not, it’s up to them

I agree with this, if someone can’t get IVF on the NHS for whatever reason and want to crowd fund to be able to afford it then they should, no one is forced to donate to them. Parents bang on about how amazing it is being a parent all the time but then criticise people who can’t naturally become one for whatever reason

If people want to give, why would it bother anyone.

Many fertile couples have kids naturally and can’t necessarily afford it, also, the cost of kids is stretched over many years, it’s not one upfront cost, the average cost of raising a child in the UK is £200,000. Could you afford to pay that upfront?