To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

[DearOpalFinch]

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

Would we feel the same way if someone crowdfunded for a wedding or a dream holiday?

Yes, and that would be not feeling much about it at all. This is very small beans to get outraged about. I would probably not donate - but then maybe if they were my friends, I would, because I might know more of their back story than I would about random strangers.

They're free to ask for whatever they want. You're free to not donate. Roll your eyes and move on.

People crowdfund for all sorts of things.

No one is obliged to contribute.

TBH I think it’s better than asking friends and family directly, who may then feel under pressure to contribute.

I don’t think anyone is expected to contribute to someone else’s IVF and I completely understand that crowdfunding is voluntary - no one is obligated to give. My point is more about the principle of it. IVF is such a deeply personal and emotional journey, and it feels like something that might not naturally lend itself to public fundraising.

I think my discomfort comes from the idea of framing a personal desire, like having a baby, as something others might feel pressure to help fund. Even if there’s no expectation, there’s often an emotional appeal that could make some people feel obligated to contribute. It’s not necessarily wrong, but it raises interesting questions about what’s considered appropriate for crowdfunding and how we as a society view personal vs collective responsibility.

Do you have experience with infertility? Nobody is forcing anybody to contribute. Just don't. Done.

You also understand that infertility isn't a choice in the same was as starting a family???

Children are expensive. IVF is expensive privately, but the cost of bringing up a child for 18 years is far more expensive. If you can’t afford IVF maybe you shouldn’t have it until you can

They can if they want to. People can give money if they want to. Or not.

The difference with IVF is that it’s a large amount upfront which many people don’t have even though they would be able to afford the day today costs of a child.

People can ask no one is being forced. Really isn't something I'd worry about.

If you run a crowdfunding site by all means put whatever limits you want on what you allow on that site. I don't understand why you want to ban people from asking for anything in particular, there's no obligation to give to anyone crowdfunding, asking doesn't mean you get.

People crowdfund for all sorts of things, it's odd you only take issue with fertility treatment.

That’s different. Taxes are part of a broader system meant to support society as a whole, whereas crowdfunding is more personal and targeted
I would support anyone who ask for help with IVF who are in a position to support a child through the years. I do not feel the same about having no control over my taxes going to women who have children after children with different fathers and neither can financially support them.

It’s fine to ask. Nobody has to donate, so it doesn’t impact those who don’t want to fund it in any way.

I don’t think it makes sense that because something is personal, it’s not suitable for fundraising.

I mean, where do you draw the line?

I often see fundraisers where a parent has died and it’s money to support the family. Is that inappropriate?

I’ve seen fundraisers where a house has burned down and they’ve lost everything. Is that inappropriate?

I’ve seen fundraisers for cancer treatment the NHS won’t fund. Is that too private and so inappropriate?

It’s not about personal vs collective responsibility - if it was, the expectation would be limitless funding for IVF, which is a separate discussion.

You’re absolutely right about the boundaries of what is private and public shifting and I agree it’s not always a bad thing. I think platforms like crowdfunding have created opportunities for people to connect and support one another in ways that weren’t possible before, which can be really positive.

That said, I think what gives me pause is the deeply personal nature of something like having a child. It’s such a private, life-changing decision, and crowdfunding introduces a public element that, for me, feels a bit uncomfortable - like it blurs those lines in a way that might not suit every situation.

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with asking for help, especially for something as heartbreaking as infertility, but it does make me reflect on how we define what’s appropriate to ask for publicly and how that might evolve in the future.

How do you propose to stop them, OP?

Do you propose legislation about who should be allowed to crowdfund, or are you saying it's a moral choice?

My biggest concern about this is if they can't afford IVF, how are they going to afford to fund the care of the child?

You don’t have to donate , following that way of thinking then all is a choice .

I don't get why it would bothered you. Just don't donate. My three children were born by IVF, and my heart goes out to those who can't afford it. Honestly, if that was me, I'd try anything, and yes including crowd funding (which I've never done).

I think you totally wrong, what a bizarre way of looking at things. Clearly you have never desperately wanted a baby and been told it will cost thousands which you cannot afford. Climb down from your moral high ground and have some compassion. I have seen crowd funding for all sorts, funerals, being wanting gender reassignment - most I wouldn't give to but nobody is forcing me to are they?

@DearOpalFinch

”That said, I think what gives me pause is the deeply personal nature of something like having a child. It’s such a private, life-changing decision, and crowdfunding introduces a public element that, for me, feels a bit uncomfortable - like it blurs those lines in a way that might not suit every situation.”

I don’t really understand what this is supposed to mean. IVF is something well publicised and often talked about - I am aware of several couples undergoing IVF at the moment, some of whom are very open about that.

What line is being blurred exactly?

ivf often cost 20 k or more in one go , it’s very different from spending that cost in one year as a example

Not these days it isn't. Lot of options for financing, no conception no pay etc. Constantly advertised by legitimate well known IVF providers.

The difference with IVF is that it’s a large amount upfront which many people don’t have even though they would be able to afford the day today costs of a child.

It’s not about picking on infertile women at all - I absolutely sympathise with how heartbreaking infertility can be, and I don’t begrudge anyone for seeking help however they can. My post was more about the broader idea of crowdfunding for deeply personal decisions and how it shifts boundaries between private and public matters.

You’re right to bring up other examples like medical expenses abroad, which I also find worth discussing. To me, it’s not about singling out any one group or issue, but rather exploring how crowdfunding is being used for personal situations and how it reshapes the norms of what we consider appropriate to ask others for help with. I think the topic is complex and worth reflecting on across the board, not just in this specific context.

I suspect some people will feel guilty or over emotional and end up donating.
I hate crowd funders tbh.

I think ur being pretty harsh! I don't mind this, no one has to donate unless they want to.