To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

[DearOpalFinch]

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

Is it fair that only those wealthy enough can have children?

I’ve never heard of IVF that is free if it doesn’t work.

“My post was more about the broader idea of crowdfunding for deeply personal decisions and how it shifts boundaries between private and public matters.”

Its got nothing to do with their decision though, the public aren’t voting on whether or not they have a baby.

It depends on your situation though. Like all adverts you see, very few people are eligible for the exact offer advertised, which is often not what it seems anyway.

Someone’s struggles in life are as deeply personal as they want to make them. Why is IVF more personal and emotional than crowdfunding for any other medical procedure? People should be able to deal with their infertility as publicly or privately as they like.

I still don't see how it's inappropriate.

It's no more inappropriate than asking for help with a funeral or private medical treatment to improve your quality of life.

Folk getting together and having a whip round for others who are struggling has been going on since the dawn of time. This is just the modern version of that.

There is no right to have children but if you are desperate to have one, why not crowd fund for treatment?

This, exactly.
People crowdfund, people can contribute or not.
I would contribute, knowing the pain of infertility.

Okay. A few different thoughts.

Firstly, is it charity in general that you feel a bit uncomfortable with?

I think children are both a personal and collective responsibility. I don't have a problem with collectively paying for IVF (through taxes) but I find charity a bit problematic as it is arbitrary, and a bit demeaning to solicit donations.

I think it would be healthier if something like IVF was not so private, so that emotions could be shared and people supported.

If help wasn't such a postcode lottery then there would be less reason for people to do it in the first place.
Unfortunately though it ranges from no round to 3 on the NHS depending on where you live.

I also don't see being open as a bad thing we are conditioned as brits to not discuss things with people....we also have a mental health crisis!

I wouldn't, but it's up to individuals what they feel comfortable asking for from their friends. I can't see how this can be a moral question or any of your concern. If you're friends are crowdfunding, just don't donate if you don't want to.

To be honest I recon labour should start adding VAT to private IVF as it's creating a divide. Rich people get a chance at being parents and poor people don't.

I hate crowd funding as a whole. You often only hear half the story. I wonder if this couple have an extreamly low chance of concieving via IVF, haven't been trying that long, have other children already or are too old that excludes them from NHS services. I never donate, but i'm sure people do. Guess it's their choice.

That’s not what I’m saying at all. I absolutely don’t think IVF is a selfish indulgence - it’s a deeply personal and often heartbreaking journey for many people. My point is more about how crowdfunding changes the dynamics of what’s considered private and public.

Taxes, in theory, are about creating a system that benefits everyone collectively, including families and children, which is why things like maternity care and child support are included. But crowdfunding feels different because it’s a direct, personal appeal to individuals, often strangers, to support a specific cause.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to crowdfund for IVF - I understand why people do it. I just think it raises broader questions about where we draw the line for what’s appropriate to ask for publicly and whether that shift in boundaries is something we’re comfortable with. It’s less about IVF specifically and more about the growing role of crowdfunding in deeply personal matters.

You could say that about any fundraising though.

I get asked multiple times a year to donate when friends do marathons, cycle events, climb mountains. They aren’t doing these things to raise money - they’re doing it because they want to complete the challenge.

I inevitably have to donate, to show support for my friend.

And to say that only those that can afford IVF themselves should be able to have a child that way is awful.

I’ve contributed money to people’s honeymoons, I’ve donated to charities, I donated to a local business, I would happily donate to a friend’s IVF fund if I could afford it. I think once you start getting into the realms of who can or can’t set up crowdfunder it’s a bit morally controlling - who gets to be the arbiter? I donated to a child’s new wig (she had alopecia, the NhS ones were awful), should they have crowdfunded because they already had a suitable alternative?

If you don’t agree with it, can’t afford it, don’t want to do it, don’t. I don’t see how other people wanting a baby and can’t afford £10,000+ for IVF affects you?

There's no 'we' about it, OP, we're not the 'borg'. Think for yourself and donate or don't, just as you wish.

As pp have said, fundraising has always existed.
I hope they raise the funds and it leads to success.

I feel like if you can't afford a round of IVF, either through your own funds or via personal loans, family help etc, you're going to struggle to afford the child that may be the result.

And I say this as a 38 year old whi has been trying to conceive for over 3 years.

Unfortunately it might be personal but it is not a choice that all people are lucky enough to be able to make, if they could just choose to have a baby they wouldn’t need IVF.

I don't think babies are comparable to luxury expenses.

IVF is expensive, it's one of life's unfairnesses that rich people can access it easily while poor people can't. Life isn't fair, we all know that, but should people on low incomes just accept their lot meekly so as not to discomfort you?

They can ask, people can ignore or respond. I don't have a problem with people crowdfunding personally.

I see your point. I agree, there are many situations where crowdfunding feels entirely appropriate even if the circumstances are deeply personal. The examples you mention reflect that; helping someone rebuild after a house fire addresses urgent, life-altering needs where the stakes are immediate and tangible.

I think my hesitation around something like crowdfunding for IVF stems from the fact that it’s a personal, long-term choice rather than an immediate crisis. It’s not about saying IVF is less valid - far from it - but the lines between private and public feel different in those cases.

That said, you’re right that it’s hard to draw a clear line. It’s likely a matter of personal perspective and maybe I’m overthinking it. I just wonder if crowdfunding for personal decisions like having a child - or even a dream wedding for example - signals a shift in how we see responsibility and support.

They can ask, people who don't want to donate won't and those who do will. There is noone being take advantage of, there is no issue to fix.

If people are willing to donate that's up to them
People crowd fund for all kinds of reasons it doesn't mean they will get anywhere with it though.

People attempt to crowdfund for a range of things: some heartbreaking, some interesting, some of which are downright bizarre.

Personally I am fine with that.

I can support them financially if I want to, wish them well but not get involved, or judge them as grasping CF with no private boundaries. (I have done all three over the years)

If someone wants to crowdfund a new café kitchen (another live thread) or surgery for their hamster or a better wheelchair for their child or IVF, it’s up to them. It’s their choice to issues make their issues public, not mine.

I give or I don’t. That’s my choice.