To think we're going to have a generation of adults unable to socialise?

[Ezlo]

By that I mean in restaurants. I see so many kids glued to their iPods in restaurants, barely uttering a word to the rest of their family. The future unsettles me.

yup me too.

Oh I loved my happy hardcore raving days - your son sounds awesome 🙃

Are you saying that those from the ‘seen and not heard’ days were all shit communicators, for generation after generation??

If I’m pushing the pushchair and on my phone, that’s because it’s probably the one time of day my child is not physically on me or interrupting my thought process, and I have a bit of headspace to do a bank transfer, book the dentist, read an email from school, text my boss back etc. But way to judge from a second’s snapshot!

Our kids rarely have screens at a table. But I think nowadays kids go to restaurants and places like that far more often than people did in the past. Kids who never went to restaurants in previous generations (my mum for example) managed to pick up the art of conversation perfectly fine. Again, restaurants are one element of life. Screens at restaurants are more to keep the kid still and calm to avoid annoying those around you.

Yes worrying for sure but have you ever tried to reason with parents who do this regularly?

There is no end of excuses like: "no he just can't sit still", "he needs it to calm him down", "he is ND, it's the only thing that he wants to do". Then you wonder why?!

I lived in the USA for a while and my sisters adult children went out to Dubai for many years. I often think how much my late Mum would have LOVED facetime.

How is it any different from kids in the seventies being left in the car with a drink and bag of crisps while the parents went to the pub?

Or me sitting in the corner of a get-together with a book in the nineties while my parents chatted with their friends for hours?

I don't think it is just electronics though. Growing up children would sit bored and quiet, while self absorbed adults talked away between themselves. These children were perceived by these grown ups to be "well behaved." In reality they were ignored, and shut down.
Ignorant parenting isn't new, lazy parenting isn't either. In the past families were larger, children would be outside playing for hours, muddy, young, and often their parents didn't know where they were. This would be labelled as neglect now. There is much more judgement now on parents; they are under the spot light.

A lot of people on this thread will have grown up children, that grew up without technology. It isn't an even playing field, as you would have had your own vices whether they be toys, colouring books etc. A silent ignored child just sitting there (that you deemed "well behaved") as you talked to other adults, or running around the streets as you got on with jobs.

I'm old enough to remember when people emigrated to Australia and were never heard from again - maybe once a year an airmail letter would arrive, but that was it. My daughter emigrated seven years ago - we Facetime regularly and drop each other little messages almost daily. If we hadn't had that, my heart would be broken by now. Not all tech is bad. It's how it's used that is the problem.

Nah - I’m a scout leader and these kids are perfectly great at socialising and growing up to be wonderful young people.

you are just falling into the age old trap of criticising the next generation

30 years ago this thread would have been complaining about kids colouring in whilst listening to their Walkmans in restaurants

I think the UK in particular is very intolerant of young children. Many parents feel like their DCs have to be completely silent in restaurants.
If those same children were talking and giggling there would be someone else judging them for it.

I think catastrophic statements like this are utterly ridiculous. I have DSC in early twenties, they and their pals are super social and have a wonderful supportive group of friends and often do much more exciting and adventurous things than I did at their age. My DD is 9 and has a gorgeous group of friends, loves nature and art and creativity and books and so much more - but also enjoys screen time. If you saw us a few weekends ago our for curry you might judge us as my daughter and her friends were having some scene time in the restaurant. What you didn't see was the 3-4 hours they'd been tearing around a forest school that afternoon, the games they'd played together, the comic she'd drawn that afternoon. She wanted some down time and we wanted a bit of a grown up chat.
Of course there will be children who are neglected and screens are used instead of parenting - but if it wasn't a screen they would have been neglected in other ways but many can find a reasonable balance.

Oh and the irony of raising this on an online forum presumably on a screen is hopefully not lost on you.

25 years ago it was game boys in restaurants.

What you’re probably noticing is more only children who have always been given something to do whilst the adults yak away.

Yes. The same people jusging phone usage probably 😆

I should add though that I think it depends where you live i e I live in an area where many parents work in creative jobs or they are more liberal types that want to socialise and they foster that outlook in their kids not necessarily on purpose but just by the way they live their lives.

I would add though realistically, the older teenagers so when it's out of the parents hands, they do obviously do play online and therefore chat online but lots of them wish they had the 90s youth that some of their parents had not all as some are older and had more 80s youth as they prefer the interactions. I would say there is a real movement from some Gen Z to move offline and they despise all the Influence stuff, and online posts of the more self obsessed younger Millennials. In my DC's circles at least and I have a young teenager, that's all a bit 2020!

I took my daughter out for breakfast one day there was a large family around a large table, there were around 6 children every single one of them was on a device and not speaking and they wonder why kids dont have social skills these days.

I had to take one of my kids for a hospital appointment last week and it was striking that he was the only child out of about six in the waiting room who was not given a phone by their accompanying adult while the adult stared at the TV on the wall. The other kids were all really quiet, sure, but there was zero interaction with their parents (these were all kids in school uniform btw, so able to sit still and have a conversation). My son and I did his school reading book and played a card game to pass the time. This is the sort of thing we used to do with my parents when we were kids but now the default seems to be to pass over the phone.

Most people are glued to their phones and they will be the downfall of society. Plus all the physical issues with neck pain by looking down all the time etc.

I remember with my DC when they were small, we used to chat all the time on the school run, play I spy or run through the alphabet with girl names, or countries. Or counting cars or simply just chatting about nothing. I miss those days. It makes me very sad to see babies with phones or iPads in their buggies or at the table-we used to take colouring or sticker books.

we have a simple rule in our house though and it’s no phones at the dinner table. We sit and chat still.

Deffo this ……
Adults are no better .
Im in my 40s - go out with friends my age / family members are the same
In a pub / meal , Scrolling / checking stuff ( not talking anything urgent - that’s different )
When out with my sister once , she was scrolling so I got my book out - she commented and I threw the comment back at her !

Yep! If we went anywhere we had our gameboys and a freezer bag with spare recharable batteries.

Our two have far more social opportunities as there are now more play parks, soft plays, play groups, extra curricular activites etc than there were in the 90’s and early 2000’s.

yup. The "always got his his/her head in a book" thing. Boys who read too much were "cissys" girls who read too much "would never have a boyfriend" and both genders would "ruin their eyesight" Now Mums post on here that they can't get ther children to read.

I agree that in the “olden days” people had books or newspapers instead of phones for times when they were travelling or waiting. And kids just weren’t taken out for meals, not sure if that is better or worse than being taken out and given a screen.

What is new however is people going out in a couple or group, presumably to see each other (?!), and then sitting looking at their phones instead of chatting to each other. I see it all the time in restaurants - couple on a date both on their phones! It’s mind boggling and seems so rude. If you’re going to sit and stare at your phone you might as well go out alone.

My dad is 76 and will sit at the table at a family meal, on his phone playing solitaire or playing videos, while the rest of us are talking. The teenagers do the same. I called my dad out on it this year and told him he was being antisocial.

Mobiles are destroying a lot of things. When DD was younger she was in tears one night because we were all at a local event, and all the tweens were sat in the corner on their phones ignoring each other. She wanted to talk and have fun. It took just one parent to take the phone off their kid, for them all to get up and start interacting together.

I hate kids in restaurants/cafes/buses/trains playing loud stuff on their phones, the parents are at fault for not stopping them. It is rude and they are not teaching their DC any manners, that you don't inflict your noise on other people.

DD used a tablet and earphones at family meals out, when she was about 6/7/8 after we had finished eating and the adults were talking. Before the meal people would talk to her, and she would do colouring in.

I'd say I have my phone in hand when walking a long the path with my kids. I'm not on it but I keep it to hand because I do tend to take a lot of photos of them.
People could easily jump to think I am not paying attention to then but that's far from reality.
It's like photos of people online, people immediately scrutinise things but it's not what it seems if you end up seeing a video clip that changes the perspective

My dad is 76 and will sit at the table at a family meal, on his phone playing solitaire or playing videos, while the rest of us are talking

I have this dad!! What is it with the solitaire? 😆

I found it extremely sad when visiting my relatives and their young children under ten years of age had zero interest in communicating with me as they were glued to games on their devices. After asking questions and getting a brief "yes/no" before returning to their devices I gave up and now sorry to say have no interest in maintaining a relationship with them beyond sending gifts at birthdays etc.