To think we're going to have a generation of adults unable to socialise?

[Ezlo]

By that I mean in restaurants. I see so many kids glued to their iPods in restaurants, barely uttering a word to the rest of their family. The future unsettles me.

@Posithor oh bless you, you take that ten minutes unapologetically. Let’s face it, if iPhones were around when I was younger, my Mum would not have hesitated to give it to me. The previous generation were not morally superior, they just didn’t have the technology. That’s my hot take anyway!

Always the same the world moves on regardless.

To me it’s very different. A knock on the door could be someone who then invades your personal space at an inconvenient time, a call you don’t answer could be your boss calling outside of work hours etc . That’s a communication deficit of the person who is trying to initiate contact inappropriately not a negative on the person who has boundaries and isn’t afraid to say no to maintain those and to avoid being a yes person who then gets overwhelmed.

@Ladyluckinred observing my own child, the only screen-related thing I have observed which I am not happy about (and unsure how to manage in the longer term) is accessibility.

I agree when we had 5 channels it was easier - and there was a natural ‘end’ to the experience when whatever kids stuff was on ended.

Netlfix etc, with the ability to watch all 9000000 episodes of peppa pig, is more complicated because… it never stops does it. Theres no end other than you stopping it, the next one just starts. That’s the only time I’ve experienced difficult behaviour around screens.

I also think some of the kids programmes are nonsense and designed for the dopamine hit. I’m not a fan of coco melon etc for this reason. YouTube Kids terrible as it seems to revert to this kind of content.

If we do any TV now, it’s usually CBeebies but live tv. This means the programmes change (less obsessional?) and they don’t just get transfixed.

Completely agree, I try not to judge people from one snapshot of their day. You don't walk in their shoes, nor know what is going on in their lives. Sure, it may just be ignorant, or it might be due to a whole host of other reasons. Life isn't black and white, please look for the grey.

Before electronics, I'm sure the older generation judged parents (probably some posting on this thread) who used colouring books/toys to entertain their children in public.

I do agree that tech has overrun the world, but in my day, parents went to the pub and kids were left in the car with a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps. Not sure that was much better, but we survived!

@Thewaitingseason and someone speaking to you in public could also invade your personal space or be your boss outside of work hours.

Why is not answering your door a boundary but putting headphones in on the bus isn't?

I came on to say I think it's already happened, and not just the lack of door answering. it's much bigger than that.

The young people that don't want to ever venture into the office, the extreme anxiety in a disproportionate amount of people, the porn fueled basement incels...

I've been supporting an elderly relative in hospital every day recently. It delights me to see multiple people in their 90s scrolling on their phones,calling family and messages pinging in. Phones are changing society in ways I don't fully understand understand the consequences of - but this particular part of it is wonderful.

OMG socialising in restaurants is not a life skill, it’s a nice to have. Such a privileged pov. I grew up in a country which was much poorer, and haven’t actually been in a restaurant till I was an adult; I learned how to
socialise in restaurants just fine.

More generally, unless parents give their children an ipad at 5 and said kid spends all their time there, most kids can socialise just fine, OR will learn it later (eg at uni).
Those who struggle would’ve struggled before as well

Yes that’s true but in public there’s nothing there to prevent it happening, if it’s a call or knock at the door you have a choice to answer or not.

I think it’s the physical boundary

There was a radio 4 programme a couple of weeks ago where a group of teenagers agreed to give up their smartphones for a period of time. It did shock me just how much time they spent on them, 10-12 hours a day. I think I waste time on mine and I spend 3-4 hours a day.

They all realised how much it was interfering with their sleep though, if you are denying yourself proper sleep as a youngster that's a tad worrying.

DS is 25, he says he's spending a lot less time on his phone. Can't say I noticed when he came home for Christmas mind you! He does have an active social life, with real people though.

It is difficult to judge, I’ve just taken my two little ones to junior parkrun. We’ve then been for breakfast. The children coloured, ate and we all chatted. Now I’m having a final coffee in peace before we leave and they are happily playing together on an iPad… is that a problem?! I’m sure if anyone just caught this moment they would judge…

It's happening now. On public transport, queues/waiting for things, in restaurants etc There was a time you would probably have a conversation while waiting for a bus or in the queue at the shop. Now everyone ignores everyone else.

It's no different for me though as I'm not a social person when I was younger I read a book instead

@Thewaitingseason and you should have a choice in public too. If I don't want to speak to a stranger in the street or while I'm walking my dog, I shouldn't have to.

That's not being deficient in social skills any more than choosing not to your answer your phone is deficient.

Boundaries are boundaries whether they're physically visible or not.

I wince when I see a parent pushing a small child in a buggy and the parent has earphones in, listening to something, instead of interacting with their child.

They're the kind of ignorant people that judge regardless though, they will always find something. Meanwhile their grown up dcs are on the stately home thread.

The genie is out of the bottle.

I have an 18 year old but 6th form age, they definitely go out, there are parties, two of them are in relationships. I have friends with Uni age DC and the social life is epic, one of them couldn't wait to get back from the Christmas break to see their friends and resume the social life. My DH has very young cousins and they are more like you describe but they are slightly older, 24 and had the awful COVID Uni experience.

I think it is a bit two tiered if I'm honest and perhaps some DC with parents of a similar mindset i.e encouraging play and parks over devices happened along time ago so they are now teenagers, young adults who don't have this obsession. Our friends with young DC who are a majority as we had our DC quite young, all ban devices when out e.g a New year's Eve party all DC had to play no devices except at the end of the night when they were allowed to play a computer game.

Yes, I agree. My adult kids are like this too. A young person at work recently had a birthday and celebrated by having an online party! What happened to leaving the house? Aside from seeing people in person, I think being indoors so much is really bad for mental and physical health.

Why? They could be on their way home from an activity they have been to with their child and both could equally need some “quiet time”. Very strange (not to mention high and mighty) to judge someone on the 5 seconds you see of their life.

The new way of socialising is via screens. Kids are going to implement more and more virtual socialising because that's their normal.

I remember older people complaining about having a telephone in the house and getting calls from friends, they called it lazy and fake socialising. But we now know phone calls are an essential way to socialise

See, I just don't remember these halcyon days where everyone chatted nicely and socialised in shops or waiting rooms.

People had their heads in magazines instead, or newspapers, or stared into space, or just sat with their own thoughts.

I know as a kid I carried a book with me everywhere and read when I was bored or waiting for my tea. How is that any different to someone reading their phone?

I am in my 70's and used public transport (bus, tube train) around the Uk (south, midlands, west country) from around the1960's to the 90's. While people were polite, I don't ever remember "everyone speaking to each other"