to be really annoyed at DH? Missed DS's appointment.

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We have been waiting for an ADHD assessment appointment for DS for over 1.5yrs. Finally got it through for Friday just gone.
I was meant to take him, but my father passed away last weekend and I had to fly out long haul last Sunday. I told DH he'd have to take DS to the appointment. All ok and agreed.
Came back exhausted and ill yesterday and turned out they hadn't been to the appointment.
DH is a teacher and they had Ofsted in earlier in the week but it got extended and inspection didn't end till Friday, day of appointment. I appreciate it's very stressful having Ofsted in but AIBU to think that DH didn't even put the appointment in his calendar, otherwise he could have rearranged it. He's claiming he didn't have time to think of anything else.
My mind was occupied by my dad's funeral which took up days and it was a stressful time, so I forgot to remind DH
He didn't even say sorry and blames me for being annoyed at him. I did shout at him, but I felt that after having done all the leg work myself to get this appointment, he attended no school or GP appointments, he's dismissively acts like he's done no wrong.
Did I overreact?

At 16, I’d have been dropping my son messages and have set alarms on his phone to remind dad!

This is what I would do. They will be more understanding I'm sure.

So far on this read I've seen suggestions that OP should have reminded her DH and that DS should have reminded his father.

At what point do we allow a man to take responsibility for his own children?

, it is unlikely that the school would have allowed him out anywa

they couldn’t have physically stopped him

and they have been on a hiding to nothing if they think they could have disciplined him for this

Yes I wondered this. Is he likely to think that the potential ADHD is all overblown nonsense and my kid doesn't need a diagnosis? That may have deliberately fed in to him not prioritising his child. As soon as he knew Ofsted was being extended he should have informed that he wasn't available at "x" time because of the appointment. He chose not to.

Gosh I’d be raging too but then I have been through the process myself and understand the time and energy it saps from you.

It’s done now (I would be annoyed too). Just call up and rearrange.

An inspection. So f*cking what??? The school is full of teachers. His DC had a hospital appointment that was 18 months in the making. Surely it's obvious what is more important (hint, not the inspection).

Is it one of those scenarios where the husband mucks up so he’s never asked again?

This is a man issue, not a teacher issue.

@LegoBingo and @TheNewHiker you both seem to have a lot of issues yourselves, and are aggressively projecting them onto this situation. I wonder if you should seek therapy first, before you advise others on their lives?

Dear lord. The man had THE MOST stressful week of his life (ofsted and wife is away!) and you’d divorce him.

i think OP needs to let it go, it’s a joint responsibility. I’m sure he thought he’d remember but then Ofsted fried his brain.

focus on how to rearrange the appointment.

he just does not take any interest in this part of their lives.

Because you’re the mother and he and his job are too important to think about taking his DC to appts.

That’s why he’s unrepentant.

I meant the replies on this thread from teachers

You know it's actually not that easy? Hopefully for OP and her DS's sake it is, but in some areas even one non attendance appointment (which this will be ) can get you bumped off the list and you have to start over again.

Yes poor guy having to do his job as well as be a parent! 🙄

Seriously the standards for men on this site are appallingly low.

OP’s dad died, he needed to step up and he didn’t and then got arsey when she was mad with him.

Please don’t blame yourself, this is all
on him.

What a twat to blame you when you are bereaved.

Is he good for anything? Does he do his fair share of housework and child care?

I have been in the Op other threads about her DH
He is unsupportive, critical and absent

It's totally understandable that you are frustrated and disappointed but stewing on it is only going to make you feel worse. I'm really sorry for your loss. It sounds like a little compassion for both of you would go a long way. Both had challenging weeks for different reasons.
Right now the most practical thing to do is to contact the clinic and explain the situation requesting another appointment. Your son is at the top of the list so should be offered the next available appointment.
After that focus on your needs and self care. If the issue you raise regarding doubting your husband is wider than just this appointment you can raise this with him once you've given yourself some time and attention

OP didn’t drop the ball. He did. Losing your father is not comparable to a work inspection.

Did you miss the reference to the 1.5 year waiting list? Given that it potentially means a 1.5 year delay in getting help for OP's son, it's not a ball that got dropped, it's a grenade.

Sure, make the child with suspected ADHD manage his grown ass father.

This is interesting. The hate this man is getting who is heavily suspected of having ADHD and possibly autism.

In schools we are making adaptions/ putting things in place etc etc as we recognise that children with ADHD find certain things challenging.
Does this understanding stop when the boy becomes a man? When your son turns 18, will all understanding end? Or is it when they become a father? Genuinely interested.

I often wonder how some of the children that we constantly make adaptions/allowances for will fair in society. How the real world won’t care that they have x,y or z.

The hate for teachers from some in this thread is also sad. It shouldn’t be a them and us.

A real lack of empathy from some. Do we really need this much hostility in our society? No-one is more important than others.

Agree - DH should have contacted them to reschedule, or you could have. The service would absolutely have rearranged with notice. Now you’ve lost goodwill.

I’d contact them and grovel, but don’t be surprised if you are put at the bottom of the waiting list again.

ETA also, as a parent who also languished for years on the waiting list, you should be aware that you’ve not only deprived your own child of an assessment, but another child too who could have taken the spot in lieu of your child. I’d be seriously pissed off at DH as you shouldn’t have had to deal with this while processing the loss of your father.

No, she unavoidably couldn't attend but made arrangements for her co-parent to do so. He didn't attend avoidably, and didn't make any alternative arrangements.