to be really annoyed at DH? Missed DS's appointment.

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We have been waiting for an ADHD assessment appointment for DS for over 1.5yrs. Finally got it through for Friday just gone.
I was meant to take him, but my father passed away last weekend and I had to fly out long haul last Sunday. I told DH he'd have to take DS to the appointment. All ok and agreed.
Came back exhausted and ill yesterday and turned out they hadn't been to the appointment.
DH is a teacher and they had Ofsted in earlier in the week but it got extended and inspection didn't end till Friday, day of appointment. I appreciate it's very stressful having Ofsted in but AIBU to think that DH didn't even put the appointment in his calendar, otherwise he could have rearranged it. He's claiming he didn't have time to think of anything else.
My mind was occupied by my dad's funeral which took up days and it was a stressful time, so I forgot to remind DH
He didn't even say sorry and blames me for being annoyed at him. I did shout at him, but I felt that after having done all the leg work myself to get this appointment, he attended no school or GP appointments, he's dismissively acts like he's done no wrong.
Did I overreact?

@TheNewHiker he is 16. Why do you ask?

Does he agree that they might have special needs ? Does he accept that ? Is he on board with it?

If the answer is no, you have much bigger issues in your relationship and future parenting than a missed appointment, no matter how frustrating. I'd also wonder if he (even if subconsciously) sabotaged the appointment.

His lack of interest doesn't bode well, regardless of the reasons why.

you could have asked him to set an alarm on phone with a reminder to remind Dad to take him?

but ultimately this appears to be tip of iceberg. You think he’s a shit and remote dad and it’s an unhappy marriage

Given you say he’s never taken an interest in the children, it is strange for you not to have reminded him about this as it was fairly obvious he was going to fuck it up

@LegoBingo it's more "he's a man... let him off". The bar is extraordinarily low for men .

The last thing your family needs is you two having a row on top of such an awful week. Let it go.

@TheNewHiker yes I feel I also dropped the ball with this. There was a high chance this was going to happen.

He won't though will he. We all know he won't. He doesn't see DS as important

Don't be so ridiculous.

She still missed the appointment.

Sounds like you both had stressful weeks. It’s just one of those things.

Op this “d”h criticises you for changing in to relaxed clothes at the end of the end; he is totally unsupportive of when you have PMT, he shows bugger all interest in his child…. I could go on

there is so much more to this but ultimately it sounds a bloody awful home life for you and the children

Do you think your DH could also be autistic/ADHD? It could potentially explain his lack of interest? I am not trying to make excuses for a man - I don’t need to. You live and parent with him. It may be worth considering. He might not want to be labelled and may see himself in his child. All wild guesses but possibly worth a mulling over.

I genuinely hope you get sorted. But I do think once the initial anger has subsided, rational thought and discussion needs to take place.

I can’t imagine trusting such an incredibly important app for my son to a man who I know is utterly disinterested in his children

Do you know what ofsted is?

How, though? According to their agreement, she wasn’t there one who was supposed to be going, so how did she miss it? Could you please explain your perspective?

I don’t think you’ve pulled it out of nowhere. ADHD is hereditary. I bet he has it too. The defensiveness and not seeking a solution are giveaways. He’s likely in denial that their son is nd because he would then have to look at himself as possibly having it to.

Yes but the hospital won't give a shit that he missed his child's appointment for it. They don't go oh right yes very important job fair enough.

Are you a teacher? Sorry to bring it to you but you aren't that special and no, hospital wouldn't look differently at a missed appointment because Ofsted came.

We have a joint google calendar so we can put apppointments in each other's diary and that works really well. I suggest something like that would be worth looking at for the future.

Crap week for all, I would call and explain.

What would the explanation be?

In terms of rearranging, although DH has agreed to do it, would it be better if I made the call and explain my bereavement and leave DH out of it completely? I can't imagine them looking at it favourably if he rings up with excuses about Ofsted.

Explain how? Her Dad dying sure, but her DH not being able to handle is job and looking after his child??

I can’t believe you’re even considering involving him

you say he’s never shown any interest
and he missed this vital app

Your Dad just died. You are entitled to drop all the balls. You would expect that he would pick them up for you.

If you think that both kids have ADHD then it's highly likely that at least one parent does too. In which case, he can't pick up the balls you drop. His reaction wouldn't be unusual for ADHD. I think it's a coping mechanism. DH (diagnosed ADHD) reacts like that every time he's annoyed with himself. It's exhausting to deal with when I'm managing kids who are having the same issues.