to be really annoyed at DH? Missed DS's appointment.

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We have been waiting for an ADHD assessment appointment for DS for over 1.5yrs. Finally got it through for Friday just gone.
I was meant to take him, but my father passed away last weekend and I had to fly out long haul last Sunday. I told DH he'd have to take DS to the appointment. All ok and agreed.
Came back exhausted and ill yesterday and turned out they hadn't been to the appointment.
DH is a teacher and they had Ofsted in earlier in the week but it got extended and inspection didn't end till Friday, day of appointment. I appreciate it's very stressful having Ofsted in but AIBU to think that DH didn't even put the appointment in his calendar, otherwise he could have rearranged it. He's claiming he didn't have time to think of anything else.
My mind was occupied by my dad's funeral which took up days and it was a stressful time, so I forgot to remind DH
He didn't even say sorry and blames me for being annoyed at him. I did shout at him, but I felt that after having done all the leg work myself to get this appointment, he attended no school or GP appointments, he's dismissively acts like he's done no wrong.
Did I overreact?

I'm a teacher. I had to ask.for the day off for an ADHD/ASD assessment for my child. Admittedly it wasn't during an Ofsted but unless your DH is a head of a core department I reckon he could have got that day off.

Yes I’d do this and say unfortunately someone else who was meant to bring him let you down at short notice, and you were out of the country.

How awful of your DH! He sounds very selfish.

Although I can see why you would want to do that it highlights a huge problem with your husband (he isn't DH).
He has behaved very badly and while he may have been under pressure at work his priority should have been his family. You were grieving the loss of your Dad and your son had a very important appointment, yet his priority was himself.
Let this be a wake up call. No more enabling or excusing his bad and selfish behaviour.

If I knew this father had never shown any interest in his children?

Yet somehow he manages a job and a life, it's just his kids and their NEEDS that he has no interest in. That’s the issue. He can , when he wants to/prioritise something. Not prioritising his kids is a choice not his (possible) SEN.

@Strictly1, where do you derive the possibility of OP's husband having autism from? She hasn't suggested it.

It's about priorities.

He's an adult holding down a responsible job, and a parent dealing with one of the most important appointments in his son's life. You really shouldn't have to remind him.

Do you know what parenting is?

Many of us have stressful jobs, but when your DC has an important medical appointment and the other parent is away because of a bereavement, you don't miss the important appointment. And I actually don't think most of the teachers posting on the thread would miss an important appointment for their DC. They might find getting the time very stressful, but that's a different thing. He didn't even try.

The OP has also questioned autism for their child so it’s not beyond possibility.

No one hates teachers. It's when their kids suffer because of their career choice and lack of ability to put their own kids first that I get annoyed

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I know what ofsted
but im not a teacher
and really - means squat all to me in terms of me giving a teacher any kind of preferential treatment because diddums had an inspection 😆

Christ. If this is the most stressful week of his life by the time he's old enough to have a 16yo then he's in a place of extraordinary privilege.

I also don't think this argument will wash with OP, who lost a parent and still managed to remember the appointment.

I read the first line of your op and thought i bet your sh has adhd. If it isnt in his diary it doesnt exist.

however, with this year’s changes to inspections, I very much doubt his account of events. Did he tell you what day they came in? Because under the new framework they call on monday, visit tuesday and possibly wednesday, report write thursday and do other training and reporting on fridays.

i think he is lying.

I'd be annoyed at him tbh. Your situation was unexpected. He knew he had ofsted. Ok, he may also have ADHD but if he can manage a schedule as a teacher, then he can manage an appointment. We've waited 90+ weeks for assessment, with 50+ still to go. There's no way I'll be missing that app for my DD when it comes & I (most likely) have autism/ADHD. Are we all human & make mistakes - yes - maybe he forgot to put it in his calendar but he should take responsibility for dropping the ball. In terms of rearranging, yes I would probably call & explain about your bereavement & hopefully the wait isn't too long

There is literally nothing a man does that some people will not manage to find an excuse for. It’s fascinating.

He’s apparently now ‘heavily suspected of having ADHD and possibly autism’ (how?!) and the real issue is the lack of compassion towards him. His lack of empathy for OP and his lack of interest in his own kids is clearly secondary to that.

OP, YANBU. You know YANBU and the overwhelming majority of posters have confirmed it. It’s also not your fault for ‘not reminding him’ (and the fact that anyone would say it is is simply testament to the levels of internalised misogyny described above).

A friend was involved in an Ofsted inspection recently. The whole educational management team were up to high doh with it and she was extremely stressed.

I'm sorry for the death of your father, it's a difficult time but tbf I think you both dropped the ball.

I also (as a teacher) think he is lying. He either forgot or couldn't be bothered.

An appointment they'd waited 18 months for!

Yes I know that but they may as well try. There’s nothing else they can do but try and rectify the mistake now.

I would be fuming. Waiting lists are really long and they aren’t the only family with a lot on their plate. It was his responsibility and he fucked up but can’t turn back the clock.

Yes, a parent is likely to have ADHD if their child does. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is highly heritable and tends to run in families.

The most stressful week of his life? Are you high? Ofsted is stressful, sure, but it's just part of the job. And his wife was away? Boohoo!! What a pathetic excuse filled post!

This.
You've been horribly let down at a time you needed him the most. And for him to turn it round on to you is really low.
(I have many teachers in my family and I know how stressful Ofsted inspections are. But in the this case the child's appointment was a huge priority)

OP please do call up yourself and request another appointment due to the bereavement. Leave your DH out of the conversation. I really hope it doesn't put him back at the bottom of the list. This is possibly the worst appointment he could have missed.

That's one HELL of a dropped ball. Getting those diagnoses is a marathon, the appointment had finally come round and was really important.