to be really annoyed at DH? Missed DS's appointment.

[DataColour]

We have been waiting for an ADHD assessment appointment for DS for over 1.5yrs. Finally got it through for Friday just gone.
I was meant to take him, but my father passed away last weekend and I had to fly out long haul last Sunday. I told DH he'd have to take DS to the appointment. All ok and agreed.
Came back exhausted and ill yesterday and turned out they hadn't been to the appointment.
DH is a teacher and they had Ofsted in earlier in the week but it got extended and inspection didn't end till Friday, day of appointment. I appreciate it's very stressful having Ofsted in but AIBU to think that DH didn't even put the appointment in his calendar, otherwise he could have rearranged it. He's claiming he didn't have time to think of anything else.
My mind was occupied by my dad's funeral which took up days and it was a stressful time, so I forgot to remind DH
He didn't even say sorry and blames me for being annoyed at him. I did shout at him, but I felt that after having done all the leg work myself to get this appointment, he attended no school or GP appointments, he's dismissively acts like he's done no wrong.
Did I overreact?

No he can't. We all have shit that's stressful in our jobs. It's not like OFSTED is special or something.

The first posters are being way too easy on him. This is the kind of appointment you don’t miss unless a close family member dies or you yourself are in the hospital.

we both blocked the entire day off at work for DD’s assessment just in case it ran long or didn’t start on time.

I would expect your husband to call on Monday and get a new appointment arranged. If he can’t get one soon and you are looking at another long wait, he needs to figure out how to get and pay for a private assessment asap.

Thanks very much for your replies and I really appreciate it. DH thinks I'm overreacting and I'm feeling like I'm being gaslighted. I've also told his mum about this (DHs brother also has ADHD)and her view is that he is so overworked poor thing and that "us girls" need to hold the reign and that's what she, and SILs do as the men can't be relied upon. I told her I don't share that view and certainly will be advising DD not to fall into that trap in the future.
Still undecided as who should call tomorrow. Even though I feel that it's his duty to sort it out, as the bereaved parent my apologies might have more sway.

Are you joking? If you’re not, you must know nothing about life in schools, especially for teachers with any seniority.

You call , it's the only way you'll know it's been done and done properly x

Just to add, of course you shouldn't have to but I couldn't trust him and he's already potentially set your son back years.

Your last sentence is bang on.

If this was something that would inconvenience/embarrass only him and only affect him, by all means.

This is too important though to leave to a "scatty" (being generous here) and uncooperative man .

No. It isnt. There is a new framework. Many, many people, including teachers, on this thread are assuming old style inspections. This was last week. This will be under the changes .

OFSTED call on Monday.
They visit Tuesday and Wednesday.
They write the report Thursday.
They are no-fucking-where near the school on a Friday.

This is a man who already does very little for his children, and didnt even write it in his diary which is unusual. I bet he didn't even request the time off for the appointment. He had no intention of going. OFSTED were simply not in his school on a Friday.

@DataColour On what days is your husband saying the inspectors were there?

Are you one of those teachers who thinks the sun shines out of teachers backsides esp during an Ofsted visit? Jesus.

Funny, I don’t remember saying anything like that, but you clearly have several chips on your shoulder.
Are you one of those people who said "She must have been a weak person" about the headteacher who killed herself after a bad Ofsted report? That’s how important Ofsted is in some schools, and hence how stressful.
Pray if you want to, but as I’m an atheist I won’t follow suit.

Jesus Christ turning up could have been distracted away from his department/a bunch of reports and deep dives by sending a bunch of lepers His way first, followed by being asked to help because there's been a problem with the kitchen deliveries and they only had a tin of tuna and half a loaf of white sliced for the lunchtime session.

Ofsted inspectors, though. They're more like three T-1000 Terminators or 3/4 of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse than anybody's Lord and Saviour.

He can call them and tell them about the bereavement.

So here’s the thing - it should be him who calls as it is his responsibility. But as someone who worked in these teams, you should call as you have a genuine reason whereas he doesn’t so you are more likely to get it rearranged quickly. It’s not particularly fair but ultimately it is best for your son. Good luck with it .

I think you are right, OP, that your best chance of getting a new appointment in a decent time is you calling - given your very genuine reason - and hoping they don’t ask where on earth your husband was. Him calling and talking about Ofsted inspections and how busy/important he is will just antagonise the (also very busy & important) NHS professionals whose time he’s wasted.

This totally infuriates me - because it’s 100% your husband’s mistake and he’s let you and your son down badly. But, ultimately, this is important for your son and if there is any way to minimise the damage done, then you’ll want to do it.

MIL’s comment is rage-invoking as well!

Sorry you are having to deal with this. It might help if you separate the 2 issues into 1) Minimising harm to your son (immediate action) and 2) Thinking how best to deal with husband (you can take your time!)

I’ve said I think you’re being unreasonable because I know only too well how stressful OFSTED inspections can be. Also you say that your OH takes no interest in that part of your children’s lives. I think that you should both attend the appointment when it’s rearranged.

Are we gonna use that now as an forever excuse for bad and neglectful parenting? What a low bar you set there. DH is his own person and has nothing to do with this headteacher. Please stop saying that teachers are extra special. Many people have stressful and 'important' jobs. In what world is this an excuse to forget such an important appointment? If you are a teacher, you will surely know how the system thrown young people with additional needs (esp undiagnosed and on long waiting lists) under the bus.

I was actually saying that Ofsted were not in school on Friday! And I think he’s bang out of line.

so I got the process wrong…. the result is the same. Ofsted not there.

It's called an internal audit. We all have those 🙄

Interesting...where was he on Friday then.

And are the results published for everyone in the world to see, reported on in the local paper, quoted by estate agents etc?

Anyway, most companies choose their own internal auditors. Schools can’t choose their Ofsted inspectors.

Many industries have audits. FCA visits can be brutal.

They don't choose their own auditors because they're friendly they choose auditors to be brutal as the external auditors are brutal

I’ll repeat what I just responded to someone else: and are those audits published for everyone in the world to see, reported in the local paper, quoted by local estate agents, used to categorise the companies publicly?

No, but people in the private sector are more likely to lose their jobs over a bad internal audit than any individual teacher is on the hook for ofsted.

Hospitals have CQC visits have all the same characteristics as ofsted (including being published nationally and locally) and I don’t know anyone working in a hospital who wouldn’t bother taking their disabled child to a long awaited appointment.

We all have stuff that is stressful in our jobs.

A medical appointment for a child, which has been awaited for 18 months, takes priority.

(Senior clinician; we have CQC)