Step son used my bath towel

[Green0911]

Want to gauge if IABU here.

My and my husband's towels are in the bathroom. Teenage SS keeps his in his room. We each have a hand towel and a bath towel. They all get changed every 3-4 days. When it came to changing them, I realised SS didn't have his towels in his room. He said he'd put them to be laundered a few days before. When I asked him which towels he'd been using in the meantime (he'd showered at least twice during this period), initially he claimed none, then admitted he'd used mine.

I blew a fuse. Couldn't believe he thought this was acceptable. Husband has laughed it off and is accusing me of being dramatic/blowing things out of proportion.

AIBU?

The bath puff thing I understand but was the shampoo conditioner body wash in bar soap form? Why would someone using a bottle require you to throw it out?

@BettyBardMacDonald

I don't care if the world has the same standards, but the people here scoffing and sneering at the OP, and doing their competitive mingingness to prove they aren't "snobby," is pathetic.

It's the dismissing of the OP's concern that is annoying. I don't care if the rest of you wipe down with the same old T-shirt you use to line the cat's bed. But her concern is valid, and she did say that her husband outright laughed at her instead of supporting her. And the boy is quite old enough to be considerate of others, especially in a shared bathroom.

It's not dismissing the OP's concern to point out that the reaction was grossly disproportionate and self-defeating.

Regardless of how important towel hygiene is in the hierarchy of needs in a family (you think its very important, I think its less), surely you can accept that it takes a back seat to good relations and harmony in a family. Anyone with an ounce of self-awareness will understand the pitfalls of step-parenting and the need to tread with a degree of caution and sensitivity.

I don't think anyone is saying the OP shouldn't have challenged this boy on it. We're saying she shouldn't have torn him a new one over it. It really isn't, in the scheme of things, worth poisoning her relationship with him. He will for years remember than she chose to fly off the handle about this towel thing, which is pretty petty, she probably won't. She's diminishing her own emotional and moral capital with this kid by making a mountain out of a molehill.

And if, God forbid, this kid gets into much more serious trouble down the line, she will have lost his goodwill and the right to be taken seriously by him.

yes i should have mentioned i guess, no bottles were hurt in 'shower cleaning ritual' that took place after SS's shower!

What else is he supposed to do though if he's to get a shower, but can't use your shampoo, conditioner, body wash?!
Bit OTT binning it all, I doubt he rubbed his arse on your conditioner bottle

You can choose not to buy it in plastic. Choose glass or make your own from unpackaged ingredients. Better still, grow your own (I do as much as I can). I've got some land I reforested for wildlife. Have you done anything like that?

When people say 'save the planet' what they really want is 'save the planet for humans'. I have my own opinion on the worth of that but giving up a fresh towel a day is nothing compared to the big players that can make a real difference.

@mollymazda No, that was an assumption on my part. But what could anyone do to shampoo, conditioner, soap, shower gel etc that would affect them to the extent that you had to throw them away?

I would’ve done the exact same thing that’s disgusting

I keep seeing this thread title in "active threads" and hearing it to the tune of Lloyd George Knew My Father.

maybe it's just me! it just gave me the ick... and as someone said, yes, what else was he supposed to do.. perhaps my DH upon sending him in said shower should have given him the products he uses?

so its DH's fault! i best leave him

You think things can't be dirty if you can see or smell the dirt? I really hope I don't know you in RL.

You're also patronising. It's not silly to expect someone you share a home with not to use your personal body towel when you've gone to the trouble of providing them with a plentiful supply of their own towels.

Why wouldn’t you just have told him what to do if this situation happens again.
and then bung the towels in the wash .

way to go for making a kid feel comfortable with you, he probably thinks you think he is grosse. and is now pretty wary of you.

It's not just about sharing a towel, it's posters who think it is ok to use a towel once and then it has to be washed. They may not wash it straight away but they are still doing far more washing than someone like me who uses a towel 3 or 4 times.

I care about climate change even though I don't have children to worry about. I don't drive, have only flown 6 times in my 70 years and then only to Europe, have been vegetarian for 40 years

@PeppyGreenFinch

ffs, if she wants to use a fresh towel each day then she can! You can use the same towel all year if you want to, but you can’t dictate what others do 🤷‍♀️

Also fun fact when my sons were young enough to be supervised when bathing and drying one used to "floss" his ass dry

I had to educate him on the face first ass last and into the wash basket approach to hygiene

So body towel sharers - are you happy to share a towel after a shower with anyone?

Brother in law? Uncle? Cousin’s next door neighbour?

Is it simply another bash the step mother thing? It’s very different sharing a towel with someone you are not intimate with or who you haven’t mothered from birth with all the years of intimate care that involved.

It’s not the same as sharing with your own child accidentally.

oh god... you've made me realise.. my DH and I have no issue sharing a towel.. and i'll admit, we will re-use the same towel at least twice... and SS likely used our towel!! now i feel sick :(

I hope Op refects on her parenting behaviour after this thread. Towels per person, towels for aesthetics, or whatever. Blowing a fuse over this instead of being the adult and having a proper conversation is irrational and will do no long term good. He will have lost respect for you, and your towels and I bet he secretly teabags your face towels in future.

You do get that we’re all anonymous here and can’t tell anyone to do anything right?

Are you serious? I've not a clue who uses what towels in my house. I doubt anyone I know is aware of this in their house. There are just towels in the bathroom and guests get left one/two on their bed.
Blowing a fuse about it suggests you a have a problem with DSS. Stop being so daft.

I don’t think using same towel as DH is weird because you share all other sorts of intimate things with your DH - sheets, bodily fluids etc.

But the people who claim not to care if they are sharing towels with anyone - would they really feel the same way about family members or friends they are not intimate with? Like if your brother in law had a shower dried himself with a towel, left it in the bathroom - would you want to use that same towel for your shower?

So if your guests left their towels on the bed and were using yours when they stayed with you for the weekend and you were also using it during the same period of time
you’d not find that a bit ick?

OP I am not keen on sharing bath towels either - but your posts about your anger, and hand towels, and how often towels need changing, indicate that I think you have worrying issues around towels

I'm amazed how some posters gleefully show disregard for the environment by having numerous children, especially when they patently cannot afford to rear them without taxpayer assistance. Compared to that, washing a few extra towels a week is nothing.

Unless I’m guaranteed either a fresh unused towel, or one only I’ve used previously, I’d not have a shower. IMO a towel unused by anyone else, is a prerequisite to me showering. This is never optional. I’d prefer to smell/ stink rather than dry myself on a towel used by anyone else.

Well said, PreferMyAnimals. I wonder if any of them have ever just ... done without something they wanted because it's packaged in plastic. I have. Be it food, beverage, convenience product - I do without if I can't get a plastic-free version. I do without certain creature comforts and shop for nearly everything secondhand, except underwear, mattresses, shoes and upholstered furniture.

My garden is rewilded and I am 10 years into a native pollinator meadow and sanctuary. On and on. I am confident and comfortable with the fact that my lifestyle is far less of a burden on the planet than that of the "I only use one towel per year and share it with the next-door neighbour" big household brigade.