Step son used my bath towel

[Green0911]

Want to gauge if IABU here.

My and my husband's towels are in the bathroom. Teenage SS keeps his in his room. We each have a hand towel and a bath towel. They all get changed every 3-4 days. When it came to changing them, I realised SS didn't have his towels in his room. He said he'd put them to be laundered a few days before. When I asked him which towels he'd been using in the meantime (he'd showered at least twice during this period), initially he claimed none, then admitted he'd used mine.

I blew a fuse. Couldn't believe he thought this was acceptable. Husband has laughed it off and is accusing me of being dramatic/blowing things out of proportion.

AIBU?

You are reframing what you said @IJustCantDeal My point was about the example you gave of him rubbing his body against hers, which would be sexual assault. That is a fact. It’s in no way the same as two members of the same household accidentally using the same towel.

So she should just shut up and put up with grim, thoughtless, nasty behaviour, and SHE should figure out how to prevent it happening again? Rather than him learning decent manners, shaping up and supplying himself with a towel before entering the bathroom to shower? Instead of doing as he pleases and then lying about it.

How absurd. He's well old enough to manage a basic skill. Though with a father who laughs at a woman's boundaries and umbrage, I doubt this teen will grow up to be a considerate person who respects others.

And spare us the trite "if this is your worst problem..." dismissal. People write about a lot more than existential crises here.

ffs I didn’t say he violated her. I didn’t even say it was deliberate. I said she’s justified in FEELING violated because it clearly made her very uncomfortable. People are allowed to feel what they feel. She is not however justified in blowing up at him and she should’ve dealt with it differently

Would it have been more pleasing to you if I'd said 'intimate areas'? I'm not a perv if that's what you're implying.

Ok, calm down, all good!

We agree OP was BU? Which is what she asked and I agree she is!

I don’t think she’s justified in FEELING violated, I think that’s totally OTT in my opinion.

Presumably OP's posts have cleared up the matter of him 'not being allowed' by now. He's choosing to keep his in his room.

He rubbed his body on her towel. She then proceeded to rub her body on the towel because he didn’t notify her of his using it. She’s allowed to be annoyed that she had secondary contact with his body without her knowledge

To answer those who are quibbling about the term 'blowing a fuse', it means different things to different people. It doesn't necessarily mean screaming and shouting.

What does it mean then? To you, what does it mean?

Calm?
anger?
rational?
irrational?

RESPECT

This isn't about the towels; it's about respect. That is the only issue here. Everyone harping on about it being OK to share towels is missing the point completely.

My adult DDs both still live at home. They know I wouldn't be comfortable with sharing a bath towel with anyone so, if they ever needed to use my towel, they would put it in the wash and tell me. That's because we treat each other with respect.

It sounds like the OP treats her DSS with respect and this is not reciprocated by him or his father.

We all have different personal boundaries around what we are and are not comfortable with sharing. In order to rub along together, we need to respect each others' boundaries within reason, even if we don't understand them. Not wanting to share body towels with a teenaged boy is well within the bounds of reason.

This father should be teaching his son to respect the OP in her own home in the same way he is shown respect by the OP. Both males in this scenario need to grow up.

I hate to break this to you but every single time you touch something that someone else has previously touched that’s ‘secondary contact.’ That is not remotely close to the action of rubbing yourself up against another person without their consent. There are very simple moral and legal principles at play here which you don’t seem to understand or want to acknowledge

@LuckySantangelo35 I wouldn't assume it's internalised misogyny. LOTS of the menz crawlers on this thread. They love a thread where they get to 'bash' a woman. Best ignored as they get cheap thrills from a response.

Tbf you compared it to him rubbing his body up against her!

This

Ok then….

Do you really believe that @BringMeTea ?

I think reading these threads that so many people must constantly be washing towels.

Now I know why people ask me how I have time to exercise. Because I'm not washing 25 towels a week?

Yes but he doesn’t or shouldn’t rub his intimate areas on other things around the house. You don’t expect to touch things others have put on their intimate areas. I didn’t say it was the same I said it could FEEL similar. She wouldn’t dry her face on his underwear but the towel situation is like she did exactly that and she’s allowed to be annoyed about that

I wish I had enough energy to count towels and wash them every 3 days. I aspire to your lifestyle OP. For your poor step son, though, you should give him a break. Try and see yourself from his perspective.

I think context is important here @IJustCantDeal If the teenager was walking around rubbing his private parts on things around the house, that is different to thoughtlessly using another person’s towel. There are lots of times we share share spaces intimately in a non sexual way with other people. Does the OP sit on the same toilet seat as her step-son? If so how does she feel about this?

If that happened to me I would hate it too. But blowing a fuse could be really offensive to someone who doesn’t see it as a big deal.

@Cinnamonrollsforbreakfast

why would it be offensive?

It wasn’t thoughtless though. He knew it wasn’t his towel and lied about it. Whether he knew it was hers or not is unknown but he definitely knew it wasn’t his and didn’t say anything. It’s not comparable to the toilet seat, you don’t put your face on a toilet seat or rub your intimate areas on it. You’re also aware of others using it beforehand.

I wouldnt want some teenagers backside dried on my towel with but blowing a fuse is a bit OTT

You need to calm down.

All he did was use her towel.