To want to know where 5k has gone?

[Digitaldedado]

We promised DSS we'd help him buy his first car, so we'd agreed to match whatever we'd saved, which we were told was 5k
DSS mum got hold of this information and started being really demanding around the money, wanting to buy him a car for his birthday late last year (before he had even passed his test) DH and I wanted to wait until
He had passed.
Long story short, DH caved to emotional blackmail from DSS's mum and put the money into his bank account - without telling me (but that's a whole other story)
Fast forward to now, DSS has passed his test but there has been 0 sign of a car being purchased, he's been driving his mum's. Every time DH asks about it, has he seen anything, does he need help etc - he just doesn't answer or changes the subject.
DSS's mum has had money issues in the past and doesn't have a steady income so we are both slightly concerned that maybe the money has been diverted towards other things and he'll just use his mum's car in exchange. Which wasn't the agreement.
AIBU for wanting to know where the money has gone and what the intent is?

He just needs to directly ask him does he still have that money. And if not don’t be too hard on DSS, your DH and his DM were stupid.

She's used the money. Lesson learned by your dh. That poor kid

He needs to flat out ask what has happened to the money, but I suspect he'll have to pry for a straight answer

Yanbu

I’m sure I read a thread about £5k and a car a few months ago, it’s very similar.

Unless you share finances and you’ve contributed to the £5k for the car you have no right to ask. The way I see it is if someone choose to gift money you can’t dictate what’s it’s spent on. Also DSS’ mothers financial situation is nothing to do with you and clearly your DH isn’t that bothered.

Your dh was deceitful with you when he gave his son the 5k behind your back, and now his son has done the same. He's taught his son it's ok to behave in this way. so your husband is the real problem.

I knew I’d read a thread like this, you seem to have been against this car from the start OP. That’s very quick to pass a test as he’d only sorted lessons last November. Did he do an intensive driving course as tests are difficult to get at the moment.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5199900-aibu-to-not-see-the-sudden-rush-to-buy-dss-a-car

Depending on the car, his i,,insurance could have been about this price, but when you give money, it's a gift not sure you can say how it's spent. I've taken a bank loan before and spent it on different to what I thought it would be spent on.n

how is your DH so feeble that he couldn't say no?

How can you be attracted to a man this weak?

Quite honestly OP, if my DH had transferred that money without my consent, bearing in mind what you've already told us in the other thread, I would be telling him our relationship was done!! He obviously knew that your DSS hadn't saved that amount of money, and bowing to the B.S. from his ex, just to shut her up, rather than listening to his ACTUAL wife, would have me ready to quit. YOU obviously have more money than your DH has sense!

It doesn't really matter, doesn't it?

You were going to give him £5k anyway, so you're not out of pocket as such. Your DSS has lost himself a car, his choice.

One day DSS will see the light, but until then there's nothing you can do.

@mrsm43s
I know it doesn't matter really, but it's just sad. We've worked hard to be able to him and it's just gone and DSS won't directly benefit from it.

Oh, stop being a ridiculous troll and go to bed

Of course it matters.
Her dishonest husband knowingly handed over money he knew OP wouldn't agree to.

Its gone to his ex wife and OP is being made a fool of by her dishonest husband, funding his ex wife.

Well it looks like OPs instincts were right weren’t they. And it said he’d just started with an Instructer in November, he’d been learning to drive with his mum before that.

It’s a valid question for goodness sake.

Don't underatand pp saying it's up to dss what he spends the money on.

If you gave it to him to buy a car then that's what he should have done with it - not spent it on somethong else. Sounds like his mum has had it anyway.

I suppose you will be telling her to LTB next

Have you seen the driving test situation? It takes months to secure a test date. From 14th Nov until now is a very short space of time to secure a test date and if you read her thread from back then the DH had already sent the money for the car. It’s nothing to do with the OP if her finances haven’t contributed to the £5k, the ex wives finances are also nothing to do with her.

Absolutely not. However you appear to have your own agenda on this thread calling people trolls.

I don't understand how she could do that as a parent (if she has) - she is directly taking something from her child that's not hers to take. I just couldn't!

Of course its a valid question.

People in healthy marriages do not give 5k to anyone without their partners knowing, not even their child.

He did it because he knows it was likely going to his ex.

If I was the OP I would feel a rightly disrespected mug.

For the avoidance of doubt, I contributed more to saving than DH did.

If you think she’s a troll then report it. Stop digging around and trying to call someone out over driving test dates 🙄

You are clearly the one with the agenda, calling her husband feeble and saying that he is unattractive, ( you want her to think the same) how is this helpful to the situation?

You don’t know for sure what the ex has or hasn’t done though. You or your DH can’t control what DSS does with gift of money, that’s very controlling. You haven’t said if you contributed or not, if you haven’t and you’re financially secure then it’s up to him what he gifts to his son. You’ve already said on another thread that your DH was emotionally blackmailed into giving the money. You’ve also not answered how your DSS secured a test date so soon when he only started lessons in November? Driving tests are like hens teeth to get.

Please quote me where I said that? I very much look forward to seeing your quote…