To want to know where 5k has gone?

[Digitaldedado]

We promised DSS we'd help him buy his first car, so we'd agreed to match whatever we'd saved, which we were told was 5k
DSS mum got hold of this information and started being really demanding around the money, wanting to buy him a car for his birthday late last year (before he had even passed his test) DH and I wanted to wait until
He had passed.
Long story short, DH caved to emotional blackmail from DSS's mum and put the money into his bank account - without telling me (but that's a whole other story)
Fast forward to now, DSS has passed his test but there has been 0 sign of a car being purchased, he's been driving his mum's. Every time DH asks about it, has he seen anything, does he need help etc - he just doesn't answer or changes the subject.
DSS's mum has had money issues in the past and doesn't have a steady income so we are both slightly concerned that maybe the money has been diverted towards other things and he'll just use his mum's car in exchange. Which wasn't the agreement.
AIBU for wanting to know where the money has gone and what the intent is?

That’s very deceitful - I wouldn’t be happy with that. I’d be annoyed at both your husband and step son - but mostly your husband. Very obviously his ex has pocketed the cash. I’d be very angry and upset.

You posted about this before Xmas didn't you? But DSS hadn't passed his test at the time, I remember your husband was just going to send the money anyway.

Well, I guess it won't be "lesson learned" as IIRC this isn't the first time something like this has happened, but maybe if DSS' mum has pinched the money he'll start wising up even if your husband doesn't.

But it might be that DSS has spent a substantial portion of it and doesn't want to own up. I did similar at about his age - how I thought I was going to top it up from my £50 a week earnings I don't know!

I agree, in general, a gift is a gift but this wasn't the case. It was a contribution to the purchase of a car. If it was spent otherwise, it is dishonest not to explain.

I agree but she was probably desperate or considers she has an interest in her ex-husband's money.

She obviously sold her car to him !

I would probably arrange to take him to a second car dealership as a surprise, and then when he is with you both in your car and you tell him that’s where you are off to he can say then and there if the money has gone or not. But I can be a right dockhead tbf.