To want to know where 5k has gone?

[Digitaldedado]

We promised DSS we'd help him buy his first car, so we'd agreed to match whatever we'd saved, which we were told was 5k
DSS mum got hold of this information and started being really demanding around the money, wanting to buy him a car for his birthday late last year (before he had even passed his test) DH and I wanted to wait until
He had passed.
Long story short, DH caved to emotional blackmail from DSS's mum and put the money into his bank account - without telling me (but that's a whole other story)
Fast forward to now, DSS has passed his test but there has been 0 sign of a car being purchased, he's been driving his mum's. Every time DH asks about it, has he seen anything, does he need help etc - he just doesn't answer or changes the subject.
DSS's mum has had money issues in the past and doesn't have a steady income so we are both slightly concerned that maybe the money has been diverted towards other things and he'll just use his mum's car in exchange. Which wasn't the agreement.
AIBU for wanting to know where the money has gone and what the intent is?

Have you posted about this previously? Either way it’s a DH problem you have , he gave your DSS the money. Once that was done, barring a written agreement he can do what he wants with it. YANBU to want to know what’s going on but at the end of the day you probably won’t find out.

How can you be attracted to a man this weak?

You are questioning his attractiveness and calling him weak, do you also want the OP to think her husband is weak and unattractive? I’m pretty sure you do

Nasty

@Calochortus
I contributed more to the gift than DH did. He has been learning since Nov 23, being taught by DH, me and his mum.
He then did 10 lessons with an instructor in Nov - booked his test on Dec and passed his test in January.

I asked you to quote me and not once have I said that on this thread or the other one, that’s not the terminology I use. Please quote the full comment. It's in a little box and you press “quote” underneath it. Also make sure sure my username is in the quote. Thank you.

Ds3 booked his driving test on 4th Jan for 12th Feb.

The money has been given to Dss. If he hasn’t spent it on a car then if he wants a car he will have to save for one. I would be most upset at your dh transferring the money without consulting you.

I'd say it's highly likely the lad has spent it on teenage crap like trainers, going out, takeaways, gaming stuff etc.
The money was his to spend as it went into his bank account. It won't be replaced and undoubtedly he'll be without a car and in the dog house with at least some of his family.
But if that's the case, it just has to be a lesson learned for all involved.

You are clearly confused as it was @changecandles who used said this. An apology any time soon would be appreciated.

You no the other poster isn’t your employee right?

Yes I do, we don’t treat our employees this way thank you very much. However she has quoted the wrong person.

Yes I no, but rather than say that you insist on dragging it out and being shitty about it

@ToKittyornottoKitty @Greyish2025

Just to clarify…

If DSS has chosen to spend the money in a different way on things for himself, there’s not a lot you can do about it other than make sure he hasn’t spent it on drugs or something else illegal.

If DSS has been exploited or bullied into handing it over to his mum then your husband needs to be dealing with this by talking directly to his mum.

Why are you tagging me in that?

Of course YANBU to want to know where it’s gone. But it sounds like you already know.

I’d be livid with DH and I don’t think it necessarily is another thread but the money’s gone so what can you do. He’s given money you’ve worked hard to save up to his ex. Looks highly likely DSS won’t see a penny of it. That’s fucking enraging on both counts.

Separate finances and him supporting his child and his ex by himself might be wise from now on.

Nobody knows where the money has gone. It would be reasonable for DH to ask his son exactly what happened, your peace of mind.

I’m so glad you KNOW. 🙄. What’s employees got to to with a poster who has clearly got confused with another poster? How odd that you felt the need to comment.

Read the thread

Apologies @Calochortus it was @changecandles that made those nasty unhelpful trolling comments

That was @changecandles

There is clearly no point trying to communicate with you. What a waste of time.

After realising that now and have apologised to @Calochortus , it was @changecandles

I would be so angry and disappointed in your shoes. Angry with DH and disappointed your DSS has been coerced into giving the money to his mum.

There is no way he would have chosen to buy/rent his mum’s car rather than pick out something himself.

I feel sorry for you having all your hard-earned money wasted and for your DSS who has been pressured to bail out his mum’s financial problems.

Sorry - I didn’t see that!

It should have been an exciting milestone and something to be proud of. I'm just left feeling sad and angry about it. I get why DH gave him the money. But it didn't need to be this way

Firstly your husband needs to call his ex and ask what happened to the money (it could be his son has spent it rather than the ex). Secondly you need to decide if you should demand the money back from your husband. How did you end up being the one to finance most of this?