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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

427 replies

Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 07:19

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

OP posts:
Tubetrain · 18/01/2025 07:19

You're an adult. I wouldn't be that fussed. See your friends.

Pottedpalm · 18/01/2025 07:21

That’s life. Celebrate twice.

IlooklikeNigella · 18/01/2025 07:21

Oh come on

Mindymomo · 18/01/2025 07:22

It can’t be helped, things in life happen, hopefully you will have 40/60 years of birthdays together in the future.

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:22

How long have you been going out?

SometimesCalmPerson · 18/01/2025 07:23

It’s unfortunate but not a big deal. As long as your boyfriend does something nice to celebrate with you, it doesn’t really matter if it’s the weekend before or after.

A best friends stag is a one off, you will have plenty of birthdays to celebrate.

Strictly1 · 18/01/2025 07:23

It would be a none issue here. I’m an adult and can celebrate another day. Sorry but I’d judge if a friend said we can’t have the hen do that weekend it’s my boyfriend’s birthday.

Gizlotsmum · 18/01/2025 07:23

Meh it’s unfortunate timing but stag and hens tend to go with whenever the majority can make. Do something else on your birthday and celebrate with DP the weekend before or after?!

ChannelFiveDrama · 18/01/2025 07:24

Yep sorry OP but I think you're being a bit sensitive here. You can do something with friends or family and celebrate with him at a later date.

Rachmorr57 · 18/01/2025 07:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/01/2025 07:24

If the majority are only able to make that weekend then that's the weekend it's going to be. Do something with him the weekend before or after.

The groom has 1 stag do. You have a birthday every year.

I'm all for celebrating birthdays but I'm also realistic that, as an adult, life gets in the way and we sometimes have to shift the plans.

mummylove24 · 18/01/2025 07:24

Is it a milestone birthday, do you have a big party planned? I don’t get it?

GrantMitchell · 18/01/2025 07:25

Unless it’s a “big” birthday, YABU. Celebrate with your friends and family and then with your BF the next weekend.

RedToothBrush · 18/01/2025 07:25

How old are you going to be? I take it, 'not 5'.

There's your answer.

Anyone precious about having to have a birthday celebration on their actual birthday rather than being flexible, really needs to grow up.

What counts isn't the day, but the thought and effort. He needs to be mindful of this still.

You need to be less uptight.

Ponoka7 · 18/01/2025 07:25

My Birthday often fell on Mother's day. It gave me the opportunity to have three birthdays, I outdid the Queen by one. Realistically the stag do couldn't be changed, that easily. Celebrate with family/friends and then again, at a later date, with your DP.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 18/01/2025 07:25

Are you a child? Come on.

Basketballhoop · 18/01/2025 07:27

You want a whole group of people to rearrange an event around you?
It's ok to be a bit miffed that your boyfriend won't be there on your actual birthday, but it is not ok to expect the stag party to revolve around it. On this occasion, as the best man, he is stuck. He either upsets the groom or he upsets you.

UpsyDown · 18/01/2025 07:27

Strictly1 · 18/01/2025 07:23

It would be a none issue here. I’m an adult and can celebrate another day. Sorry but I’d judge if a friend said we can’t have the hen do that weekend it’s my boyfriend’s birthday.

This.

Spirallingdownwards · 18/01/2025 07:27

Go on be that girlfriend. I dare you. You won't be that girlfriend for long I bet and I wouldn't save the date for the wedding if you are going to make an issue out of something so ridiculous.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 18/01/2025 07:28

Let his best friend come first this time. He is getting married after all. I wouldn’t try and rearrange a friend’s hen do date if my husband’s birthday fell on the same day. It would feel selfish and needy. Let the wedding take precedence.

You can celebrate being born when he comes home or just do something with your friends.

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:28

Waiting for the op to come back and say she started dating him a fortnight ago

BendingSpoons · 18/01/2025 07:28

If there is a large group, there will be many clashing dates unfortunately. I wouldn't love it, especially if my birthday was actually on the weekend, but I'd accept it and make other plans with friends or family.

Tattletail · 18/01/2025 07:29

Your not unreasonable to be a bit annoyed.

But you would be unreasonable to suggest the stag do gets changed to a different date.

Hopefully you can celebrate with DP a different day and do something nice with family/friends on the day.

Trickabrick · 18/01/2025 07:29

Sorry OP, this would be a total non-issue for me, celebrate your birthday with friends and family and then celebrate with your partner another weekend. You can’t seriously think it’s reasonable for a whole group of adults to pick a different date for the stag do because it clashes with the best man’s partner’s birthday?

BeCosyLion · 18/01/2025 07:30

I wouldn’t be bothered at all. I went to a wedding on my birthday but I didn’t mind as I have a birthday every year and the couple would only have one wedding day 🤷‍♀️