Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

edit: didn’t RTFT.
lesson learned.

Or the other guys might be, you know, shock horror, prioritising their own wives. It does happen 😂

Just to clarify, is he just going on a stag night or 5 full nights away as was suggested earlier. If it’s the latter, that’s unreasonable to me when your child is 2 months and you are hardly getting a break.

Bully for you.

It does sound a bit dismal for you OP. Is there anyone else who could spend at least part of the day with you to spread the load? Would a group or class for DD where you could sit on the sidelines with a coffee be good?

I voted YABU because I think you could celebrate another time.
But YANBU to need a break and a rest, it sounds like things are very full on for you atm, and it must sting that your DH gets a weekend away with friends while you are struggling to get a couple of hours to yourself.

Just stop with the bullying. She is a new mother.

Just saying 'that's disappointing' is quite manipulative OP. When I've had this said to me it's like being told 'you can go but I'm not happy about it'. Much better to say 'it's a bit unfortunate it's on my birthday but we can celebrate that when you get back'. It's tough being a first time mum but it doesn't suddenly make you forget to adult. Stop sulking, you don't have to stay home, meet up with your family or friends and have a lovely birthday with your baby.

So he's working 7 days a week and doing housework in the evenings (???) and you've asked him not to go on a stag weekend because it's you're birthday but you don't even want to do anything for it?

It’s generally what grown ups do.

We’ve all been one love

Bless you OP - you've got a 2 month old. No wonder you're disappointed - you must be exhausted.
Have you got family or friends who'd spend the day with you and give you some help that week? 5 days is a long time to be left alone with such a little one while DP is abroad.

Grow up

You have a birthday every year, a stag should only happen a one off occasion. Celebrate with him the weekend before or after.

I understand why you’re miffed, as when you’re on maternity leave it can be quite dull, and having something nice to look forward to helps.
Do something nice with friends on your birthday - lunch or afternoon tea or something and then celebrate with your partner another time.

I think the OP wanting her DP to be there, off work and share some parenting so she gets a break and have so quality family time together on her birthday is a solid reason.
For me it's the fact that the OP and DP having already discussed this before the DP agreeing to the stag date that I'd be pretty disappointed about too.

I say this as someone who is very much pro-children staying at home rather than external childcare, but you can't have your cake and eat it. It'd be one thing if you'd fallen on hard times, circumstances had changed and he was working 7 days a week to compensate, but this was planned. You live within your means and if being the primary parent 24/7 isn't manageable then you make adjustments till you find a balance that is.

I remember those intense early days of a tiny baby and how much you crave some free time and uninterrupted sleep.

Neither of you sound like you’re being unreasonable, there was nothing specific planned for your birthday, he doesn’t sound lazy or selfish, he works really hard but you’ve every right to feel disappointed.

You’re avoiding the question about other people you could spend your birthday with and I suspect that might be because it’s tempting to be a martyr and sit on your own feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t be. Arrange to see people and do something nice. Maybe lunch with your family and baby, then an evening out or in with friends depending on childcare.

He does need to make it up to you though. Agree that he can treat the weekend before as your birthday, he’s not to work and he can take the reins then.

Maybe, but how do you think your comment has assisted OP?

It’s 5 nights abroad

Your OP mentions several times that it's a weekend stag? Is it actually five days?

Does he get time to spend with the baby? Seems unfair to have to work 7 days a week and come home after work to start housework. Does he do that every day or just some days?

What an absolutely bullshit comment! You deserve equal partnership in all relationship, regardless of status. This comment is so stupid!
I've been with my DP for 13 years, owned a flat and now a house together, have 2 kids and we are committed to an equal partnership even though we aren't married 🙄🙄🙄
If you agreed with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partber/spouse on sth for your birthday then they'd decide to do something they find better instead (stag or otherwise) without talking to you first and considering your feelings, then that's shitty and you're allowed to feel disappointed.

Are you not annoyed about that? I would be, given the financial situation you describe.