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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

427 replies

Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 07:19

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 08:07

greengreyblue · 18/01/2025 08:05

What job is seven days a week? Own business?

No, he is a joiner. He does his normal Monday to Friday and then most of the time work is so busy that they can do overtime at the weekends. If there’s no OT available, he will take on his own jobs for friends and family. Sometimes there’s phases where none of his friends need anything doing plus there’s no OT, so some weekends he will be free. However for the past few months he has been working 7 days a week. The odd time he only does 5 days we do struggle, he gets double pay on a Sunday so it really helps

OP posts:
crumpet · 18/01/2025 08:08

Do you have to stay home alone on your birthday? Could you meet up with a friend/family or have them over?

PheasantPluckers · 18/01/2025 08:10

He could always get you a crown as your birthday gift to make up for it, Princess.

Pancakeflipper · 18/01/2025 08:12

Is it a big birthday? Have you a party happening?

If not then you can celebrate another time. Make plans with your friends/family whilst he's away.

HelloNorthernStar · 18/01/2025 08:12

Just have your birthday weekend the weekend after. You cannot expect a stag do to be arranged around your birthday. It should not be the big deal you making it in to.

ChaosAndCuddlesAndTeacups · 18/01/2025 08:12

Don't be daft OP. Birthdays happen every year. Stag Dos happen only once (hopefully)!

AgnesX · 18/01/2025 08:12

Is it a big birthday? If not, I wouldn't be bothered really.

bluey07 · 18/01/2025 08:13

Why on earth is he working 7 days a week and doing housework in the evenings?
I'm all for equal sharing of chores etc but when one of you is at home and one is working more than full time then the housework/admin surely is done by the person not currently working?!
And I say this as someone with 3 (soon to be 4) DC

Original poster
Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 08:14

HelloNorthernStar · 18/01/2025 08:12

Just have your birthday weekend the weekend after. You cannot expect a stag do to be arranged around your birthday. It should not be the big deal you making it in to.

But people can’t make dates for all kinds of reasons. Some other dates have been suggested and other people have said they can’t go for x or y. So why can’t DP also say he can’t make a certain date? Are all of those other friends also being unreasonable because they should move their own plans around to accommodate his stag? This is what happens when you want a stag do abroad for 5 days, it’s going to be hard for everyone to make it on the same day and some can’t come at all etc. everyone has their own lives

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 18/01/2025 08:15

How old are you? Make plans with friends / family and celebrate when he gets back.

Shoemadlady · 18/01/2025 08:17

If my girlfriend pulled that on me if I was going on a stag / hen do, she wouldn't be my girlfriend for much longer either to be honest. It's really juvenile and childish.

GCAcademic · 18/01/2025 08:18

I'd be more annoyed at your DH having (choosing) to pay for a five night trip abroad when you are clearly struggling financially.

AlmosttimeforChristmas · 18/01/2025 08:18

I’m sorry you’re feeling, understandably, overwhelmed with life. Just pick a weekend before or after for him to do the family weekend at home with you. I can understand you want to feel a bit looked after for once. Life with small children is exhausting but let it go about the stag weekend itself

TickingAlongNicely · 18/01/2025 08:18

So he's going on a 5 day holiday l, leaving you alone with a baby, when he relies on overtime? That's a bit of a different story.

AlmosttimeforChristmas · 18/01/2025 08:19

Anyone having a 5 day stag when people are struggling financially. Very inconsiderate IMO

Londonrach1 · 18/01/2025 08:19

It's life. Celebrate with friends instead. You lucky as you get two celebrations this way.

scotstars · 18/01/2025 08:20

Unless it's a big birthday and had a party or something planned YABU. See friends or family I'm sure your partner can celebrate with you a few days before or after

Mollysay · 18/01/2025 08:20

GCAcademic · 18/01/2025 08:18

I'd be more annoyed at your DH having (choosing) to pay for a five night trip abroad when you are clearly struggling financially.

Yes, this feels like the bigger issue here, possibly why this is such a big deal to you OP? Is there friends and/or family you can invite round or arrange to see on your birthday?

Han86 · 18/01/2025 08:21

Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 08:07

No, he is a joiner. He does his normal Monday to Friday and then most of the time work is so busy that they can do overtime at the weekends. If there’s no OT available, he will take on his own jobs for friends and family. Sometimes there’s phases where none of his friends need anything doing plus there’s no OT, so some weekends he will be free. However for the past few months he has been working 7 days a week. The odd time he only does 5 days we do struggle, he gets double pay on a Sunday so it really helps

Show quote history

You can't have it all then! You want him to look after the child, but you also want him to give you a break!

Just pick a different weekend to have your lie in.
Do you not have ANYONE at all to spend your birthday with? No other family? No other friends?

I think the issue here is more that you are cross with your DH for going off with the lads for a weekend. Why not suggest a girls weekend and be can be left in charge?

Notgivenuphope · 18/01/2025 08:22

Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 08:14

But people can’t make dates for all kinds of reasons. Some other dates have been suggested and other people have said they can’t go for x or y. So why can’t DP also say he can’t make a certain date? Are all of those other friends also being unreasonable because they should move their own plans around to accommodate his stag? This is what happens when you want a stag do abroad for 5 days, it’s going to be hard for everyone to make it on the same day and some can’t come at all etc. everyone has their own lives

Show quote history

Because he CAN make it.
The others perhaps ‘can’t’ due to other trips away or work etc. You wanting to lie in bed is not really a reason.

Hwi · 18/01/2025 08:23

GF, BF, you don't have the status to demand this - were you married, it would have been different, i.e. you can demand things from a husband that you can't from a boyfriend or you would be so secure in your relationship - because dh and dw, not just sleeping together, that you would not even have noticed him going away on your birthday.

Original poster
Scribbleonapagee · 18/01/2025 08:24

Notgivenuphope · 18/01/2025 08:22

Because he CAN make it.
The others perhaps ‘can’t’ due to other trips away or work etc. You wanting to lie in bed is not really a reason.

Edited
Show quote history

your reason can be whatever you want it to be. You can’t dictate what someone else deems important

OP posts:
GreatGardenstuff · 18/01/2025 08:24

I wouldn’t be fussed at all, as long as we did something nice for my birthday another time. DP’s life isn’t all about me.

JimHalpertsWife · 18/01/2025 08:25

However for the past few months he has been working 7 days a week

Since the baby arrived? What a coincidence

DancingDucks · 18/01/2025 08:26

Don't be ridiculous, you sound like a spoiled child. You expect the groom the change the date of his stag do (that will no doubt have been a nightmare to arrange a suitable date for), because it's your birthday? I can't be arsed with people who create such drama over stuff like this.